To be upset that she hasn't been a good friend

[Twirlsandswirls1]

I have a friend who I've known since school. I thought we were quite close and meet every month for a catch up. Buy each other presents and she buys for my son too. I've been there for her when she's had tough times and listened when she's needed it. My DS since birth has had health issues but just recently it's been very bad and we have been in and out of hospital. She knows how stressed and upset I am. She knows we have been in hospital yesterday. Other people who I'm not as close with have messaged me checking in to see how I am and to see how DS is. But I've heard nothing from this friend who is suppose to be a close one.
Aibu to think she's being a rubbish friend? She doesn't have anything going on in her life atm. So can't use that as an excuse. If the shoe was on the other foot I'd absolutely ask how she was doing and being an ear to listen to.

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Honestly, if I were frantic about my hospitalised child’s health, I wouldn’t notice if the Queen, Bono and Steve Jobs called hourly see how he was doing. You seem very ready to dismiss her, OP. Isn’t it perfectly possible she’s away, ill or herself dealing with some family emergency?

Hope your DS recovers very soon.

I hope your DS gets better!

I’m not sure that you can say there is nothing going on in your friends life as you simply do not know this. What if she’s withholding stuff because your DS is ill?

How can you possibly know she has nothing else going on in her life? I think you’re being a bit harsh. Is your worry about your son coming out as unreasonable anger towards her?

Hope your son gets well soon.

Maybe she feels that you’ve got too much going on in your life at the moment and feels that she ought to take a back seat.
You don’t need endless text messages at the moment and you don’t need endless Facebook contact. You need space to be with your son.

I had more calls from a concerned work colleague than from certain members of the family when my son was Ill. Sometimes people just don't step up. Forgive but don't forget.

I think maybe she doesn’t wish to intrude I can be guilty of this. It’s easy to over think it, and I always struggle with when to ask when someone is going through something.

I think maybe you’re reading something into it that’s not there, if you’ve been friends for years.

Well whenever her dog has been poorly or ill I've always text to ask how she is and how the dog is. She doesn't have children yet but to her they are like it. So I know how much they mean to her. Yet I still ask and check she's OK. It's not hard to text a friend to see how it's going. A work colleague of mine messaged me yesterday and even said if I can do anything let me know. I'm not as close with her yet she's shown more kindness then my friend.

She knows you were at hospital yesterday so I assume you spoke to her yesterday?
I think you are misplacing your obvious upset and worrying of your son being ill into anger at your friend, which doesn't really seem justified

Tbh I would feel a little hurt too.

Not the same situation, but I got ghosted by a friend when I had a baby. We reconnected years later and it turns out she was the victim of domestic abuse at the time. I think she couldn't face seeing a family (judging by the fact she also ghosted another friend) because she seen that relationship as her very last chance to have a family. She has never admitted that to me, she said I was too self involved with my baby. Anyway... what I am saying is you never really know even with your closest of friends.

She is probably giving you space to look after and spend time with your son. Also you say that she has nothing going on in her life but how could you know that.

Why would a good close friend think to give you space. Surely you would check if they were OK?? Well I know I would anyway

Someone beig close to you doesn't mean they're the same as you Op with the same way of approaching any given situation. If she is generally a good friend who enhances your life I'd let this one go.

Maybe she thinks you need space? I’m the type of friend who if someone is going through something big I’ll take a step back and give them some space unless they ask. People react differently, have you text her and told her he’s in hostipal?

If I knew a friend was in hospital with their son, I would not be texting them at that time. I would be giving her some time to concentrate on giving all her attention to her son.

I think you are overthinking things.

I hope your DS improves but honestly, people have their own lives to deal with. Could she be exhausted with you? I realise how awful this sounds but I have a close friend who has been through trauma after trauma pretty much since we met so it’s getting to a stage where I’m actively avoiding messaging her because I know it will be negative.

You have no idea what is going on in her life. I have a good friend who has got major health issues at the moment. I have only just realised that I didn't respond to messages on a group chat during the week when she told us all something pretty significant. I was doing jury duty at the time and was focused on the trial as well as being unable to use my phone much. I have bought a card to send her to apologise for my lack of attention. People are just human and sometime miss or forget things. Give your friend a chance.

People are just different. I’m the sort to text support in situations like this but I’m aware that some people might find it odd and think that if there’s any news I will tell you.

Now if you were feeling frantic and messaged her saying so and that you were desperate for help I expect she would be there for you. Not that I’m suggesting you should, just that this would be a clear signal that you needed her.

Just accept that we are all different. As above, you will get support for unexpected people and not get it from those you might have expected it from. Doesn’t mean she’s not your friend unless she’s done something tangible.

SOrry your son is ill. However, it is entirely possible that her daily life (which you think is so easy) actually has got more issues than you realise. Or she simply forgot. People do, you know. I am sure if you messaged her to give an update, she would respond quickly and offer you support. It is not all about you - if my son were so ill the last thing I would be thinking about is who has asked after him.

You honestly do NOT know all the ins and outs of her life. Close friends and family think they know what I am up to, but in reality they have no idea of some of the trauma I am currently experiencing. I choose not to share, particularly if someone else is going through a tough time.

Does she definitely know he was in hospital yesterday?

I think you're being a bit hard on your friend. Work colleagues would remember to text because you are not at work- if your friend had a shit day or was feeling ill etc she might have gone to bed early and forgotten. You've been very quick to dismiss her. Maybe she does have 'stuff going on' but doesn't want to burden you if your child is unwell. I hope your son is ok. Don't be quick to judge your friend. You will probably get a message this morning.