FYI, if it wasn't clear this concerns miscarriage and some unpleasant events surrounding it, so don't read on if you aren't prepared for that.
About 8 years ago, when I was 24, my contraception failed and I got pregnant. At about 6 weeks gest I saw a locum who was really kind and referred me to the local hospital EPAU for a scan as I was experiencing a lot of cramping. I don't exactly recall what was said, but I think we briefly discussed the fact I felt unready for a baby and didn't know how I'd manage.
The night before the scan I had a lot of pain and bleeding and was pretty sure I was losing the pregnancy. I went to the appointment alone as it was made at short notice, and was treated kind of brusquely by the person on reception which I wasn't bothered by. The woman who did my scan was really awful though. She opened the door to me then turned away without even speaking to me; I had never heard of a transvaginal ultrasound and didn't realise that I would have one pretty much until she told me to take my pants off in front of her and shoved the thing inside me. It was painful and she expressed disgust because I was bleeding.
After she'd done she went to her computer to type up notes, ignoring me again while I sat on the bed. She asked me what the name of the doctor who'd referred me was, but as this GP was a locum they weren't on the form. She got impatient and raised her voice asking again and again the name of the doctor, and then made me come over to look at the screen. I was still completely naked from the waist down, bleeding, I hadn't been given any privacy to dress or undress.
She hadn't said anything to me, but because she made me look at her screen I saw that she had written that the pregnancy was miscarrying, this was how I found out for sure. I'd thought it was likely but it felt really bleak and lonely to discover that way, as if I and my pregnancy really meant nothing. I left the EPAU reeling and quite numb - the whole experience felt brutal to me and I was very upset by it for a long time.
I've now carried a pregnancy to term, including trips to the EPAU (in a different area) once again for cramps and bleeding. All the professionals I met along the way were so kind, even those who didn't have much time acknowledged that I might be scared, anxious or in pain. I hadn't expected any of that since my first experience was so unpleasant and made me feel so shitty - I was actually surprised this time to always be offered a curtain to change behind and paper to cover up with, because those things were not offered to me at that scan. I have wondered often if I was treated that way because I attended without my partner, or because I looked young, or because it was on my notes that I didn't know if I wanted the baby. I have begun to believe that none of those factors mean I deserved to go through that, and encounter such unpleasantness while I was actively miscarrying.
I guess my AIBU is, AIBU to still feel upset by this? I wonder if I should have complained to the unit years ago - I presume it's too late. I guess maybe I want somebody to validate this experience at last, I have carried it around a long time and I know now that it was not right.
To be clear, I feel pretty mentally healthy and this doesn't overshadow my whole life, it's just that since I've had a more positive experience I've realised exactly how poorly I was treated.