To think "they" can be singular or plural?

[RhymingRabbit3]

I'm expecting a baby and we dont know the sex. I feel bad calling the baby "it" so had been alternating between "he" and "she" but I had some raised eyebrows from people (mainly family members) saying "ooh I thought you didnt know, it's a girl then?".

So I started referring to the baby as "they". As in "they are really kicking me today" or "they are definitely head down". My husbands grandad looked horrified when i did this and said "you just said they - it's not twins is it!?"

AIBU to think that "they" can be used to refer to a single person whose sex is unknown? Or should I just go back to calling the baby "it" or "the baby"?

I just called baby "baby".

I called them 'it' or 'the baby'. I would assume they referred to twins but couldn't get worked up about it if I knew it was a singular!

It's frequently used in the way you've been using it I often use it of Mumsnet posters whose sex I obviously don't know but I suppose in the context of a pregnancy that could technically be multiple, it might suggest a slip of the tongue about twins... I think I said 'it', mind you.

Grammatically, "they" is a plural pronoun. But language is fluid and it is now becoming more usual to hear it as a singular pronoun. Personally it sets my teeth on edge, but I am an ageing pedant. I think in a generation's time nobody will think it odd.

It can be, but it's understandable that using 'they' in this context would cause confusion. Why don't you like 'it'- I think most people call their babies 'it' until they know the sex and it doesn't sound weird to my ear, but appreciate everyone's different? Or could you give it a nickname that you like to avoid confusion?

I'd assume you were having a multiple birth if you used "they" equally using "he" or "she" when you don't know is confusing. Surely everyone who doesn't know says "the baby", what's wrong with that?

The singular they is becoming popular, especially when gender isn't known. But in a pregnancy, i could see people assuming you're having a multiple birth. I gave my baby a nickname, which has stuck even now they're getting older. It was much easier.

James Acaster explains all

"Someone from the bank called", "oh, what did they want?" - singular meaning.I

Referring to your baby bump as 'they'd I'd guess you were carrying twins. Just use baby/the baby/twee bump name. I've heard bump, bean, pea, melon, pickle, bod etc.

They is fine as a singular. But can understand the confusion in this case because it could be either.

"They" has been an acceptable singular pronoun since the 13th century.

They is pural but like a lot of language it seems to be changing in popular usage and is being used as singular as well.

Your husband's grandfather is, I expect, of a generation that uses it in its pural meaning.

I find it strange to hear it used in a singular sense as well. I'm not surprised he thought you were referring to twins.

Yes, they can be singular, but in the sense the OP used it, it would be taken by many people in a pural sense; it's all about context.

I used they the whole time.

Singular they is entirely grammatical and has been in use for centuries. Jane Austen used it, Bram Stoker used it, Lewis Carroll used it. Anyone who says it's incorrect as a singular pronoun when you don't know the sex of the person you are referring to is parroting nonsense they were most likely taught at school. So go ahead!

'They with a singular antecedent goes back to the Middle English of the 14th century[23][24] (slightly younger than they with a plural antecedent, which was borrowed from Old Norse in the 13th century),[25] and has remained in common use for centuries in spite of its proscription by traditional grammarians beginning in the mid 18th century.[26][27]
Informal spoken English exhibits nearly universal use of the singular they. An examination by Jürgen Gerner of the British National Corpus published in 1998 found that British speakers, regardless of social status, age, sex, or region, used the singular they overwhelmingly more often than the gender-neutral he or other options.[2'

Thee and thou ?

I agree with pps that in the context you are using it, it's a bit confusing.

But generally you can use they in a singular or plural context.

I prefer "they" to the constant use of he or his through documents (the EU seems to think that consumers can only be male, for example) and "he or she" is quite clunky, although you can use s/he. But they is easier.

Drybird2020, you say you don't like it used in the singular so how do you get over the gender issue?

Yes of course it can.

It doesn’t matter that you (correctly) think they can be used to refer to a single person because surely the issue is that the people you are talking do either don’t realise or don’t immediately assume this. Surely you would do better to go back to saying “it” or even “he or she” to save the frustration you are feeling about having to keep explaining.

We gave ours gender neutral nicknames till they arrived and we found out.

'They' is definitely plural in my book.

Just because Jane Austen used it doesn't mean it's current. She also spelled 'stopped' 'stopt'. (Or should that be spelt 'stopped' 'stopt'?) Not many people do that these days - well, not without looking like pretentious tossers they don't.

I prefer "they" to the constant use of he or his through documents (the EU seems to think that consumers can only be male, for example) and "he or she" is quite clunky, although you can use s/he. But they is easier.

As someone upthread said though, isn't "he" taken to be the gender neutral pronoun in English ?

Clive Anderson once mentioned that in legal documents the use of the masculine includes the feminine

hansard.parliament.uk/Lords/2013-12-12/debates/13121276000394/LegislationGender-NeutralLanguage

But it's incredibly current. It's overwhelmingly how British speakers refer to people they don't know the sex of.

'Someone from the doctor's surgery rang.'
'Oh, what did they want?'

No one replies 'Oh, what did he or she want?'

Or 'Oh somebody's left their umbrella behind.'

It's everyday, common usage.

We didn't find out what we were having (other than it being a singular baby obv). We gave baby a nickname until they were born