Can leaving this job get any worse?

[Lifechangingtimesahead]

I've posted before about my work situation and home life and about how the two collide and how it's very difficult to leave my current job. It's take a turn for the worse and I'm struggling and hoping I'm not being unreasonable but would appreciate your thoughts.

To summarise, I have a pretty awful home life with husband. He's pretty nasty but that's not really what this is about. Years ago I left everything I knew, good job, friends, etc to move to the country to be with him. I started working for the farm owners he works for as their odd job/cleaner/maintenance type person. We live in a tied cottage on their land. My old life is about 2.5 hours drive away along with my friends.

I had a clear vision moment at New Year and decided to look for a new job. I got a great new job about half hour drive away which will start to give me back my independence and enable me to save to leave husband eventually. I don't have the confidence or the energy to move away fully yet, this halfway house is exactly what I need.

My current employer's are furious and making it extremely difficult for me to leave. They are not only my employers but are my husband's and our landlords. So I can't just walk out.

They wanted three months notice, but I gave them four weeks. They insisted I speak to my new employer to try and negotiate my start date (which I tried to do) and will not accept that I have been reasonable.

I have mental health problems (mainly anxiety but a bit of depression too) and in one of the four meetings they've made me have with them I told them about my MH to try and justify some of my reasons for leaving.

This only seems to have made them worse, they are literally bullying me. It's so bloody awful. I can't go off sick or leave early as they are still my landlord (and throwing this at me too) saying "you live in our house", "you're making this very difficult for yourself".

Any advice on what I can do to get through this notice period?

Every time I have a meeting with them I end up in tears and I very rarely cry, its something I don't seem able to do, except when faced with them and their hate.

I remember your previous post, well done on being brave so far
I’m sure you are under huge pressure from both your nasty husband and employer BUT you have given notice and that’s that. You don’t need them to agree with your decision or say they think you are reasonable because you have every right to leave your job. Please don’t try and move your leaving date, they wouldn’t thank you for it anyway and you may piss off your new employer.
Just keep your head down, limit interaction beyond what’s necessary and look forward to your new job, which is the first step towards your new life x

If you posted on askamanager.org, I guarantee she would say something along the lines of: tell them that you won't be treated that way, so either they can treat you civilly and you'll work the notice you've already given, or you'll leave immediately.

do you have a lease for your home? How long has your husband worked there?

Husband will continue to work here and keep the cottage. He's worked for them for 20 odd years, it's not an AST, it's part of his work contract that he lives on site in their cottage.

You haven't said there are any children involved, and you have said that the dwelling is linked to HIS work contract rather than yours.
Just pack your stuff, go back to your old life 2.5hrs away and worry about everything else then. Ring one of the good friends you mention and ask for a bed or a sofa for a few nights. If you'll be self-supporting and there's no mortgage or tenancy you're responsible for, just go.
Just deal with it all in one fell swoop.

20 years? hes going to be quite protected- id work 4 weeks and engage with them no further on it. Call ACAS if any further issues.

chillimayo that would be ideal but OP suffers from MH issues (more details on a previous thread) and I suspect has been worn down by her awful husband. Getting an independent job is as much as she feels able to do at the moment I think and probably quite a big step for her

If you know that you want to leave your husband and have this job lined up, maybe it is best to just get on and leave for a nice fresh start. The stress of staying in this place could jeopardise your performance in your new job.

If you can manage it op, this awful situation may be just the right moment to leave it all behind. As a PP said, if you can, go to your friends.

Could you rent a room in a house share near the new job? It will take you longer to save but might be worth it.

Or do you need DH to think that you're still in the marriage, for the time being?

I would literally not turn up for work and go on the sick because of the effect they are having on your mental health.

Nothing is worth this. What is your dh saying? Why is he not protecting you?

Do you have an employment contract with them? And are you on a tenancy agreement?

Surely if your DH has a right to live there, there’s no reason why they are using the “we are your landlord” argument? Eg if you were a housewife or a SAHP I presume you could still live there with your DH?

They can't threaten you with the tied house - if he is an agricultural worker it is covered under the Rent (Agriculture) Act and he has security of tenure. If he's worked there for 20 years I doubt that they served the correct notices on him so he is likely to have security of tenure for life and if there is a written tenancy agreement, it will almost certain allow a spouse and children to reside at the property, so there is really no threat there. Agricultural workers are afforded great security in their tenure.

I would work out the notice you are required to as per your contract and not feel obligated to work any more. Why should you?

(I'm a land agent so I'm very well versed on ag tenancies)

I remember your previous posts. Well done and keep going!

Try the grey rock / repetition approach.

Sorry, it's not possible. I've given the required notice.
Sorry, it's not possible.
Sorry, it's not possible.

Disengage from them as much as possible.

If you find them in any way threatening don't hesitate to speak to the police.

Once you have changed jobs block them on your phone and email.

Thank you everyone. This first step (and quite a big one) is my halfway house to independence, I'm really not ready yet to make the full move. Husband is pretty awful sometimes but it's not impossible to live here (as he's out most of the time). I'm able to save well here too, so along with confidence building I should be in a much better place by the end of the year. I have considered renting a room nearer to my new job and depending on how things go after I've left my current employer I may do that. It will mean my saving will be slower but my quality of life is worth that.

Yes the cottage is not linked to my work at all, if I was a SAHP or worked from home I could still live here. It's only if husband left that the cottage would have to be left.

Ironically, the employer's are being super lovely to my husband, giving him reason to believe I'm making it up. Soul destroying. He doesn't care as long as he's ok and his job is not affected. A decent husband would tell them they are affecting him by affecting me.

Thank you @CheddarGorgeous I've just googled grey rock, that's really helpful and I'll try to put some of those ideas into practice.

How much of your MH issues are down at least in part

Sorry to spending too long in an abusive relationship? Personally I would be trying to get to stay with a good friend back where you come from andlooking for work there when you are ready. Whilst there I would find your local women's centre and get help from them to meet others in similar circumstances, do the Freedom program to understand all the abuse and help you start to move forward. Think about you and sod your abusive husband and employer.

i think you could do with some help on getting out of this situation- can you call a charity? Women's Aid, or similar? Escaping this is massive, and your boss is colluding with your abusive DP, from what i can tell. good luck.