To say, maybe stop complaining about this?

[IHeartKingThistle]

So many posts everywhere complaining that people who were mean to them at school are putting 'be kind' statuses up.

Yeah, some people are crashing hypocrites.

But do you know what happened to me yesterday? The girl who bullied me at school popped up on 'people you may know' on FB, Be Kind profile pic and all. And in a moment of madness, I messaged her. Just a generic reaching out kind of message. We had a great chat. She's grown up lovely. She was having a shit time as a teenager. She works with young people now, as do I, and meant that Be Kind status.

I never would have said I wasn't over it but I sure as hell feel lighter now. I recommend it.

unless your person is a proper meanie and has grown up and stayed a meanie, obviously

Yabu

It's case by case and everyone is different. A lot of the posts are lip service I find.

Yanbu

I'll be honest I wasnt kind at school. I had a tough home life, a sibling with cancer, a manic depressive parent and at home I was a carer/cleaner/worrier. I was a very jealous child/teen. I didnt realise it at the time but I was very jealous of those who had a normal family and of people who could afford nice things. I was horrid to some people and I regret it so so much. I wasnt the worst in my school but I certainly had a way of putting people down

It dawned on me aged 20 how mean I'd been to people. Things calmed at home, I moved out, finished uni, got a job and grew up.

I'll always regret my behaviour, I think about it lots and cant believe I acted that way. I'm really not a bad person. I dpnt gossip, bitch or be mean now. I'm friends with people I used to go to school with but I also think of others and wonder what happend to them and hope my mean comments didnt affect them too badly.

I haven't shared any #bekind stuff, I dont really do social media but I dont like seeing the comments about "this person was the worst at school, they're not kind"

People can and do change. Not everyone but I dont know many people who are the same person they were 20 years ago

@2020runner this is what I mean! Sounds like you were in such a tough situation. I think it's OK to forgive yourself.

OP, your title suggests it's the bullying victims who are in the wrong.

Just because you messaged your bully and she's lovely now, it doesn't mean that people shouldn't share their own experiences and comment on what they see as hypocrisy.

Everyone is different - some people will have changed and some won't. And you don't know what people's bully experiences were in the first place.

It's not for you to decide whether other people's feelings are valid - their experience is not comparable to your experience so while it's great that you're all happy now, there's no need to pull rank on others.

Oh everyone's feelings are valid, I'm not trying to negate that!

I agree, @LonginesPrime. I was bullied from my last year of primary school until I went to sixth form college, and by the time I was 14, I was suffering clinical depression (undiagnosed at that point, but the fact that I was having suicidal thoughts and even, at one point, had a penknife held to my wrist is pretty conclusive). If I saw one of my bullies sharing the BeKind thing, I would not assume immediately that they'd grown up and become nice people, and I would be very wary of contacting them as you did, in case they hadn't changed and I was hurt all over again.

Yes, some bullies do grow up and change - I am glad that yours did, @IHeartKingThistle. But many don't. And it is unfair of you to invalidate their victims' feelings.

Your thread title - Maybe stop complaining - does look like invalidating people's feelings, though, @IHeartKingThistle.

Yeah maybe it's a crap title. I don't underestimate at ALL the damage that can be done. I remember.

I didnt read it as invalidating others’ feelings but offering another POV, thank you!

just because she's nice now (or you think she is) doesnt change the fact that she bullied you.

People can change but often they dont and they just learn to hide it better.

My bully had an awful time at home. Objectively I know that now.

Like fuck will I ever forgive her for her behaviour. She made my life hell.

Unless she approaches me with an apology, I would never approach her for a chat first - not a chance.

The whole "be kind" thing is also a crock IMO - it arises from a domestic abuser. If CF had been male the papers would have been celebrating her death.