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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Access regarding Ds and his dad.

4 replies

Crazychocolatelady · 23/02/2020 21:20

Ds is supposed to see his dad once a week alternating days at the weekend. This is a court agreement signed by both solicitors. It states the amount of hours and where ds is collected and returned home. That's all fine.

His dad then gets a new car, has another child and says he has to reduce maintenance but will take him more to make up for it. Then he tells me he will be "on call" once a month so can't take Ds then but will take him twice the next weekend. Nothing formally agreed about the change. So it seems to turn out that since christmas Ds' dad is only taking him every second weekend for a couple of hours because apparently he's "on call".

Ds has started telling me he doesn't want to go when I ask if he wants to go play with daddy, his behaviour is so bad for a few days when he comes home, he gets so upset going to bed and is so clingy. He is basically going 2 weeks without seeing him and then getting upset when I tell him he's going to see him and it breaks my heart but I try to act positive until he leaves. His dad gets thick and starts saying hes going to "kick up a fuss" if he doesn't get his own way which was 2 extra hours but ds had a very very busy week and hadn't seen him for 2 weeks.

So my question is, should I 100% stick to the agreement and not offer or agree to any extra days or should I return to court and have a judge decide what's best for DS? I just want DS to have a routine with when he goes so he can settle and stop getting upset. The worst part is that he looks fine when he walks out the door but he's so aggressive and moody when he comes home

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MTGGamer · 23/02/2020 21:31

I personally would say return to court. If the on call aspect is part of his job then it will be consistent, and the court can decide what to do on those weekends. Plus if he is going to reduce maintenance then that needs regulating too. Go formal and if he questions it or kicks up a fuss, say that you have your DS' best interests at heart.
How old is your son BTW? Is he at the age where he could rightfully decline visits if he wishes? The courts will take this into account as well.

Best of luck sorting it all out, for you and your son xx

FudgeBrownie2019 · 23/02/2020 21:42

His dad gets thick and starts saying hes going to "kick up a fuss" if he doesn't get his own way

His dad is an arsehole. Go back to court and explain his shitty behaviour and let them arrange something that will work because constant streams of bullshit aren't acceptable. The CMS amount isn't negotiable because he wants a newer car; his child isn't something he gets to choose to take care of. His child comes first or he's a shitty parent.

Please do't let him make excuses and have you feeling guilty. He has a legal obligation to pay for his child, to parent his child, to be a proper adult. That he can't/won't do those things is nothing short of shit, and you shouldn't be cleaning up his mess.

Crazychocolatelady · 23/02/2020 22:17

@MTGGamer thank you, DS is only 2, a very decisive and independent 2 but I know his views wouldn't come into it. I just didn't know whether I should just let him away with seeing him when he wants or what to do, sometimes an unbiased opinion is needed x

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Crazychocolatelady · 23/02/2020 22:20

@FudgeBrownie2019 thank you. Sadly I don't think he is capable of acting like an adult and I just really don't want to see DS hurt or getting upset. X

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