To wonder how parents of SEN children relax

[ploddingdonkey]

Hey MN,

My DD has SEN, is five years old but developmentally around two and a half. She requires attention, guidance and support almost from the moment they wake up to the moment they fall asleep. She has trouble with self directed play, poor impulse control and has an inability to wait for you to complete a task. She will sometimes quietly watch a programme on TV.

It's Sunday evening and I'm exhausted, we don't have family nearby and struggle to find baby sitters that can meet her needs.

We love spending time with her, she is great, we're not frustrated by her however we need to find ways relax and recharge. What works for you? Posting here for traffic

Oh I just slob on the sofa for an hour in the evenings. I very rarely have energy to even think of something else to relax myself. An hour (if he stays in bed!) of nothing. Mindless tv, fb, MN and then drag myself to bed to do it all again tomorrow

Son is 15. (Has ASD and LD). Older son has other issues (not SEN) but needs support. I work FT and have a PT job, DH works shifts. We are lucky that my FT job is flexible so we don't have to rely on any childcare around school. Have no friends or family to help and he's never had any support post diagnosis other than going to special school.

It's tiring but I wouldn't have it any other way. I relax by falling asleep on the sofa whilst pretending to watch films / TV with them

It's only when other people comment that I think about it, it's just normal life to me, I have nothing else to compare it to.

She had a nursery place from 12 months with 1-1 support (two days per week). Nursery place from 2, (five days per week) with 1-1 support. At 3 (ish) she was also offered 1 day a week at a special school group (parents too) so dual nursery placement. We attended an sn communication and play group twice a week from 6 months and were obv in loads of appointments (at least two or three a week) for SLT/ physio/ OT. We had weekly visits from portage (the sn home play service) where a lovely lady would come for the afternoon and bring a ton of specialist toys from the sn toy bank and play with dd for a few hours. I also joined skinuk and attended local-ish meetups (usually at special play centres which were amazing). Bonus as the play structures were safe, big enough for adult support, and I could chat to other parents too.
I worked weekends (left Friday lunchtime and returned Sunday night) and left all three kids with dh. I volunteered for the local sn kids group (volunteer coordinator and the president) and we ran extra curricular a for kids with disabilities. So was then helping to fundraise and arrange activities for sn kids (ballet for me, sn shows of the local panto, holiday clubs etc).
Volunteering got me out in the evenings without kids and I would get a sitter if dh was away. I used sitters uk, registered as needing experience with sn. I chose to do this rather than try and get unpaid help (I hate being beholden to people and I didn’t want to put people in a position where they might be uncomfortable with having to decide!!!)
Because I was working away two weekends a month and had evening volunteering meetings, I was able to chill out or at least do something different that meant I hopped off the sn bus periodically.
It does get easier as they get older. Dd is the youngest of three and my life was already revolving around small children by the time she crashed into our lives. So there wasn’t much down time and socializing anyway! The weekends I was at home we went off into the woods. We had a good all terrain three wheeler and visited pirate parks and beaches and lakes and mountains. We picked up a bigger sn buggy as she got bigger.
Kids as a whole don’t leave much time for chilling, though...

Well, I’d love to learn how to do this. DD is 15. Luckily we can afford me staying at home so her school hours are my respite for housework, admin and myself. ( tbh by now I would rather swap with my working full time DH but it’s not possible).
To relax I do ironing while watching TV when she’s in bed to have some quiet time at the end of the day and do short walks (when it’s too much ) to the local shop.
Try to do something relaxing for both of you like going for a walk or reading a book. When my DD was 5 I loved watching Peppa Pig with her.

Gosh OP if you get any decent responses to this please share!

Also Mum here to an extremely challenging 5 year old-I am at the back end of half-term, it's been the worst week of my life, taking violent beatings daily whilst asking myself how much worse this is going to get. Symptoms have really escalated in last 12 months, school not really listening, though we have just recently been awarded an EHCP. I am so broken and so exhausted I cannot even share my thoughts with DP, truth is I don't think you ever switch off from this, not enough to really relax-it's relentless but it is what we do.
I am actually dreading tomorrow as I am fully expecting a call from the school to tell me to collect. And next it's Easter....
I wish really wish I had some answers for you but I am yet to find any

@56marshmallow that sounds really wise.

@springsnake luckily she doesn't mind going to bed too much, although tonight was suuuper excitable for some reason. We do go on big long walks to tire her out and try to get her doing as much running as possible.

We do also try and take shifts, some weekends when she is higher maintenance we hardly see each other and we tend to end up taking naps. Although itd probably be much better for us to get outside. I'm really glad you mentioned shifts as we have some friends that have looked at us like we are bananas for having such a strategy!

@tipseytorvey our weekends sound similar. We do lots of baking, not good for my waistline but great for counting, practicing fine motor skills, trying to wait for it to cook and then cool down. Hopefully it's a past time she'll remember fondly when she's older!

Thank you all for taking the time to reply! Makes it a little easier to see how others get on and cope with that extra demand.

To the lone parents I take my hat off to you, I'd find it incredibly challenging not to have DH who is actually pretty good for the most part in helping to share the workload.

To those that have asked I do work full time in a health care setting in a role that requires quite a lot of concentration with a fair amount of responsibility. PT at the moment is not an option but we are considering both trying to change our weeks so we only work four days to allow a bit of downtime during the week

I’m not sure I ever really relax. I have three kids (11,9 and 6) the 9 and 6 year old have autism and adhd. Youngest also has a severe language disorder meaning he has very limited expressive language. I’ve gone back to work PT recently which I enjoy but I don’t think I ever truly relax and switch off. We’ve been through diagnosis’, ehcp battles and a discrimination court case so most of the time I feel quite hollowed out. My dh has managed to retain his hobbies and has managed to retain his sense of self. Have you got any hobbies even if they were only one evening a week?