Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To Wish my Mother would just be Honest

39 replies

PupsAndKittens · 23/02/2020 12:51

My immediate family: mother, Farther, Sister and I, have not been on holiday for 15 years. The last time we went on holiday, I was 5, I am now 20.

Me and my sister wanted to take mum for her 60th last year and we where going to put half towards it each. But she refused saying that she would simply not go. Yesterday the sun started there £9.50 holiday deals. I thought that I would treat my parents and take them to somewhere nice (Cornwall is where I was thinking). However you have to be 21 to book, but I was still willing to pay. I asked my mum about this and said absolutely not. I understand that Cornwall would be slightly expensive for us (we live in Essex so would have to fly as dad won’t drive any further than 60 miles). However we live 1 hour away from a really lovely seaside town that is included in the offer. All in all it would come to £70 and my mum still said no. Dad said that we needed to put the money by as money is quite tight at the moment and they said they really need to finish paying off the mortgage, but I know for a fact we can afford £70; especially as I will be the one paying for it and I know I can afford it.

Now, every time I discuss holidays with my parents they always go on about how I would be so bored as they wouldn’t do the young persons thing. However I keep on telling them that I am not expecting a holiday with them to be the same as a holiday with my friends.

My uncle invited us to go on holiday with him (fully paid for) and mum said no to that also, Saying it would be a waste of money and that no one would enjoy it. However when her sisters invited her away she went so she is willing to go on holiday with her sisters but not her daughters and husband. I generally feel that she just doesn’t want to go away with us for whatever reason.

AIBU To feel quite sad that she doesn’t want to go on holiday with us. To be honest, I know my mum doesn’t particularly love me. She says she does but I generally feel it is just words with no meaning.

Any thoughts

OP posts:

The80sweregreat · 23/02/2020 14:15

My parents never wanted to go anywhere either after a certain age. They had me in their forties and had enough of holidays with my siblings I think ! ( they didn't drive and never went abroad either)
It is what it is! Your offering to pay etc and they don't want to go. Maybe start looking at holidays with your own friends and go and have fun!
As you get older sometimes trips and holidays are just too much faff and maybe they just prefer being at home?
I get this myself , but many people think holidays are the be all and end all and can't understand why nobody likes them or that bothered!

TheNestedIf · 23/02/2020 14:16

Actually, thinking about what Nearlyalmost50 said, my family only ever went on a proper holiday twice, the last time when I was 8. Days out weren't frequent and they would usually be to the same few old places, often with the ulterior motive of shopping for something that couldn't be obtained from local shops.

We weren't very well off but the main reason was rigidity of thinking and habit arising from a whole host of mental issues.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 23/02/2020 14:20

I feel like you're fixed on giving them a "treat" that they don't actually want. Giving someone a present just because it's something you want to have isn't very altruistic. As a PP said, can't you treat them with something they'd like? It sounds like they have concerns about their mortgage and maybe that's their priority right now.

MitziK · 23/02/2020 14:34

Honestly, although I'd love to go on holiday, there is no way on this little green earth that you could persuade me to go and stay in a bloody caravan ever again.

I thought I knew what pain was from childbirth and having an epidural fail during a caesarian, broken bones, being stabbed I went to shit school, falling out of trees, falling through glass, falling off motorbikes, slipped disc, trapped nerve, dislocations, sinus infection, wisdom tooth extraction, a dental abscess & dry socket.

Nope.

Pain is the tiny thing in your upper back that has pinged as a result of trying to sleep in a rental caravan bed.

And boredom is being trapped in that rental caravan whilst it seems like the next vehicle that's going to come past is Noah in his fucking Ark.

And insomnia is being kept awake all night because it sounds as though somebody is pouring 30,000 tonnes of ball bearings onto the roof all night.

I wouldn't want to go anywhere with somebody who has arbitrary rules about distance, anyhow. Especially if that also translates to 'will give me a hard time about going anywhere or doing anything/complains about food/wants to sit and watch TV all day/will suck any joy out of any day'.

So, it might not be you - it might be that she doesn't want to go anywhere with your father.

SuperFurryDoggy · 23/02/2020 14:37

Re-reading your OP and this is what jumps out at me

To be honest, I know my mum doesn’t particularly love me. She says she does but I generally feel it is just words with no meaning

Why do you think this? I’m guessing there are reasons for this beyond holidays.

Unfortunately not all parents are great at showing love, whether they feel it or not. Either way, it is not your fault

TheNestedIf · 23/02/2020 14:43

@MitziK I was waiting for the bit in your post where Father Noel Furlong turned up with his youth group.

FredWinnie · 23/02/2020 14:45

Sorry OP, I have two adult DC and I love them dearly. I'd walk over hot coals for them and they know it, but family holidays? In a caravan? Hell on earth.

I tried a family holiday a few years ago with DH's sister. (Camping, just to make it extra fun!) Never, ever, ever again

GinandGingerBeer · 23/02/2020 14:45

Did she have a bad experience maybe when she last went on holiday when your were 5?
Does she work?
Socialise?
It seems so strange that there must be something behind it you sound like a lovely caring daughter and it doesn't sound like she appreciates you at all.

MitziK · 23/02/2020 14:50

@TheNestedIf - oh, that would have been a blessed relief to be stuck with him in a cave system, compared to the fucking Caravan of Shite.

AhoyMrBeaver · 23/02/2020 14:55

Have you been on holiday with your friends before? You'd probably have a lot more fun than if you went with your mum and dad.

Pinnacular · 23/02/2020 15:05

It sounds like she may be agrophobic perhaps? Does she stick to the familiar and not leave her comfort zone?

RandomMess · 23/02/2020 15:05

I think your Mum or possibly both parents are home bodies that just like being at home and don't enjoy or want to go on days out or holidays.

I don't holiday, I will happily visit friends and stay with them but have little interest in visiting places.

averythinline · 23/02/2020 17:05

You don't need to be 21 to book things.. why do you think that?? Save your money and book your own holidays.. are you in studying/working ? Your parents are who they are...
Don't let them trap you into their life...

Buy yourself a train ticket to Cornwall if that's where you want to go... or learn to drive and drive yourself...

You sound sad and defeated... but you're at the start of your adult life... live it

Littlemissdaredevil · 23/02/2020 22:25

You don’t need to be 21 to book most things. However, I expect you are looking at family orientated campsites who don’t let groups of under 21’s book.

You could -
Book a caravan site/campsite with no age restrictions
Book a youth hostel
Book a cheap B&B or travel lodge

Flip

1 2