Aibu or is this really rude?

[VerySadPandaBear]

Husband and I were having dinner with his friends, somehow the topic of relationships came up and I commented on how husband never asks how my day was. He proceeded to say that he doesn't ask me because he doesn't care. I was very hurt, his friends looked shocked and he just carried on like it was a big joke.

I tried to tell him how rude that was but I didn't want to cause a scene at the table, so how can i articulate when he gets home from work how hurtful that was? Or aibu?

I think it was a defensive reaction on his part. You put him on the spot and he said the first thing that came into his head. Probably hoped it would raise a titter but fell flat. Can you just explain how hurt you were without getting into a row?
I only ever ask dp about his day if something big was due to happen otherwise I would die of boredom listening about the trials of his commute - signal failure, train cancellations, standing until Tottenham Hale etc

I would have found this comment quite hurtful and humiliating, especially given the shocked reactions of your friends within the group. Maybe, he’d said it as a joke but it didn’t sound particularly humorous and no one else found it funny either.

What other areas of your life does he show that he ‘cares’ ( apart from doing a bit of housework!)? It sounds like there there are limitations on communication in the relationship and if concerns are raised by you, he shuts you down.

You should be able to have a reasonable ‘discussion’ without it being ‘escalated’ by your husband.

I wonder if it was a male thing - men aren’t socialised to be nice the way women are, a woman would be expected at least to feign interest whereas a man would not. I’ve noticed it myself from time to time and I don’t think it means anything more, unless it’s part of a bigger pattern. Men get away with it but women who speak likewise come across as astonishingly rude for some reason.

Thanks for all your comments! I agree with some posters that perhaps my comment wasn't necessary in the first place

Had a chat with husband after we put DS to bed, he didn't realise he had hurt me, he had meant it like others have written here, he's not interested in the mundane. I apologised for the loaded question that set off the whole thing

Thanks for your help everyone, really let me see other perspectives!

You don’t have to have a discussion about it if you feel he’s going to get arsey, say I’m just letting you know that you really hurt my feelings when you said you didn’t care about how my day has been. If he didn’t mean it the way it came across then he will apologise surely. My husband Use to tells me every boring detail of what went on at work that day, I care about how is day was in terms of was it good, bad ect but I really don’t care about every minute detail. He has a tendency to whittle on and I have had to tell him that while I care how his day went I don’t need every detail if that make sense.

That will teach me to read post all the way to the end 😊 glad you had a chat.

Take the cue from him. Stop asking him about his day.

So pleased you could discuss it with him.

Aw, there you go, so glad you managed a conversation with him. I do like a Happy ending. [smile}

I think you ought to have raised this with him in private, rather than in company.

@VerySadPandaBear

Good to hear a positive update.