I’ve always had a difficult relationship with my dad - my parents divorced when I was 7 and I saw him a few times a year until he met my stepmum and had more kids, I then saw him maybe twice a year as he moved an hours flight (or 10 hour drive away).
We’ve had periods of not speaking over the years and have recently fallen out again and I’m not sure I can see a way back. I’m starting to think he’s a narcissist and wonder if anyone else who’s familiar with these traits would agree?
This is the way he acts:
As I was growing up he was always criticising me -my weight, my hair, my choice of clothes, my table manners - to be fair he was ok until I was about 12 and started to be my own person
Obsessed with how I looked, always cut my nails and hair when I was with him even though my mum kept me well groomed
Pushed me academically which is not a bad thing but wanted me to do things way beyond my capabilities like 6 a-levels, a medical degree
Refused to talk to me when I did a job he didn’t like (just a simple summer job!)
Tried to make me jealous of my half siblings by rubbing in my face the things he did with them - I wouldn’t get taken on holiday with them etc
If I ever got upset he would hang up the phone or walk away
Ridicule me in front of other family and friends
Told me he wouldn’t tell me when he was getting remarried as I don’t tell him everything (I was a teen)🙄
Frequently ‘forgot’ my birthday - sometimes feel this was done for a reaction
This isn’t an exhaustive list, just trying to give a picture. Now I’m an adult he seems to want us to have a close relationship as ‘friends’ - basically without him having to act as any type of parent. I find it difficult to spend time with him and this makes him unhappy.
I’d come to terms with the fact that I would never get much from my relationship with him and that’s ok - I don’t expect anything anymore. But it makes me feel resentful that he has expectations that I should make an effort after he never did!
I can never move forward as he’s unwilling to ever discuss anything that paints him in a bad light. Does this sound like narc behaviour or just dysfunctional parenting?