Stopping communication with my in laws?? (baby involved)

[mummaintraining19]

I’m upset and I want to know if people think I am being unreasonable or not.

Today I was out with my OH, his cousin & babies & my OH’s dad (my ‘FIL’ as we aren’t actually married). Now my OH’s dad had a few too many to drink but he asked me how my family was.

Now a family member of mine that I’m really close with (& he asked about) has cancer & has radiotherapy and chemotherapy to help treat it. But it has travelled and cause small lumps elsewhere in their body...

So, obviously, I said ‘we are really hoping it works’

And he... he shook his head and said I don’t think it will.

I told my OH as soon as I got in the car (as he didn’t witness it) as I had a BREAKDOWN. I didn’t want to cry in front of them and I certainly wasn’t going to leave my 4 month old so I could cry in the bathroom. So I held it on until we had drove away.

I have told my OH (who obviously is also very angry) that I do not want to go round to his parents house anymore as I don’t know if I can forgive his dad. But that obviously means my 4 month old won’t see her grandparents which is unfair (especially as his mum & sister did nothing wrong). It’s his dad I now have the problem with and there’s no way of going round and him not being there.

I also don’t want to make things awkward because events will come up like birthdays etc (my OH hasn’t spoken to his mum or dad about it yet).

So do I cut contact? Or do I forgive?
Do I let my OH mention it? Or should I just hold it in & be polite when I’m round once a week?

I feel for you OP and I so hope it works for you. She's been offered treatment, that's a good thing. (We didn't get that option).

Sorry about your mum op and hope her treatment works.
If it were me I’d just put it on the bank of your understanding about him. He’d had a few and said something stupidly thoughtless. I think your oh should have a quiet non dramatic word with him if it would not cause ‘drama’.
Don’t go no contact but keep an eye on him and how he makes you feel.
Both of my parents have died over the last few years and honestly I’ve had the best support but also some people have said staggeringly upsetting things - sometimes because of how I was hearing them sometimes through their own fears/experiences and awkwardness around illness and death.
Support.

Get a grip

It was horrible of him to give his opinion, but there’s truth in it. It can only go 2 ways.

I know it’s hard op but for your own sake, you need to accept that. Then regardless of what happens, you’re prepared.

Breaking down at someone’s bleak opinion, is not a good start.

Get yourself some help to start processing this.

I hope your mum starts to respond to treatment too!

I think that he was trying to prepare you that she might not get better. He could actually have meant well. He might have had more negative experiences with cancer since the mortality rate used to be higher than now.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this OP. There seem to be some advances in the treatment of cancer which mean people can do much better than a few years ago. Maybe FIL isn't aware of this. For instance, I lost my best friend to malignant melanoma many years ago, and the treatment options seem to have really developed and improved life expectancy (though I am no expert and find it painful to read about in lots of detail).

People say the most insensitive things at times. I completely understand why you feel so distressed. No contact with the whole family seems slightly extreme but I can understand why you wouldn't want to spend time with FIL right now.

I hope your FIL reflects on this and apologises.

Keeping everything crossed for your mum.