To ask if it’s weird to not be interested in dating?

Sirzy · 22/02/2020 20:15

Nope. It’s an each to their own thing.

I was single after Ds was born, for at least the first 5 years I had no interest in anything relationship wise.

Alsohuman · 22/02/2020 20:19

Sounds pretty healthy to me. You can please yourself and that’s worth a lot.

Original poster

Youcanstay · 22/02/2020 20:24

Okey, thank you.
TBH i have been starting to think i too weird.
When i was younger i could tell myself that perhaps i’m (really) late bloomer or haven’t met ”the one”, meaning someone i really liked.
But i’m in my early 30’s now and like i said, feeling really weird.
I have moments where i wish i was ”like everybody else”
Just a little rant.
Guess i felt it really strongly today.
Thanks!

OP posts:

wobblywinelover · 22/02/2020 20:29

Nothing weird about it at all, what is weird is that society pressures some of us into coupledom. I'm in my mid forties and I have zero desire to date or ever have sex again. Admittedly it's through some very bad experiences but i'm at peace with it all now. The more I read on the relationships board, the more determined I am to stay single.

As for the sex, I couldn't care less any more. I have some very negative associations with sex and relationships and it's made what was once potentially pleasurable experience turned into a cringeworthy embarrassing chore. I simply can't be bothered.

Everyone has their own reasons of course. I do prefer my own company more

ThatFriendsReunion · 22/02/2020 20:32

I have moments where i wish i was ”like everybody else”

it's quite common to dislike "dating", it's not even the same as being single or in a relationship. Even so, as long as your relationship status is a choice, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

What is wrong is the fake or smug pity for others who have made different choices: pretending that you can't be happy if you are single, or can't be single by choice, or the opposite: that everyone in a relationship is miserable and has given up all freedom.

It's the beauty of this country, you can chose and get on with your life.

WobbleTime · 22/02/2020 21:13

No it’s ok. I think so anyway. Single here for 3 years after a horrific experience (DV).
I’ve tried dating but my heart just isn’t in it for now.
It’s not weird at all.

AvoidingRealHumans · 22/02/2020 21:55

I have been by myself for 6years now and have no desire to date or see anyone for anything. I ended up single (long story) when I was pregnant with my 2nd so I think for the 1st few years I was busy with that but since then I have had no desire to meet anyone, I don't even know how I would meet anyone. I have just turned 30 and what annoys me is people thinking there's something wrong with me or I'm lying about not wanting to meet anyone. I constantly get asked if I'm lonely and my sister has told me that my family are worried about me. I don't know why it's so hard to believe that I am content as I am and dating isn't a priority of mine

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 22/02/2020 21:58

It's no more weird than being interested in dating.

TabbyCatPaws · 22/02/2020 22:08

No it's fair enough. There are plenty of positives about being single, it's good that you are happy with it. I've been single a few years and dip in and out of dating, mostly it's just a bit of fun to me (and often a waste of time) as I haven't found anyone I want to have a proper relationship with.

thepeopleversuswork · 22/02/2020 22:10

No I don’t - in many ways I think it’s far healthier.

Dating is a weird throwback to the “courting” process which was a forerunner to marriage and i don’t think it’s necessarily adapted that well to the modern world. It’s kind of unavoidable if you want sex in a relationship context but it’s pretty grim.

Internet dating can be soul destroying and in the absolute best case scenario it’s hard work. I have done it more or less successfully and would probably do it again if I had to but it can be an absolute nightmare. And that’s just if you actually want a relationship.

Many people don’t and many are acknowledging the fact that society bullies everyone into feeling they are not valid unless they are one half of a couple when actually a lot of people are far happier on their own.

I think dating is a pretty blunt instrument for many people and if you decide that sex and relationships are not what drives you - which is a perfectly valid choice - why would you put yourself through it?

PumpkinP · 22/02/2020 22:12

I hope not! I’ve been single for 3 years and haven’t slept with anyone in that time either nor do I want to! I certainly don’t want to date. People do think I’m weird though

helberg · 22/02/2020 22:27

No I don't think it's weird. I am single at the moment and intend to remain so. I have absolutely no interest in dating (no time either). I'm not bothered about sex. I don't want or need some man hanging around. I came out of a bad relationship just over a year ago and I suppose that has coloured things but it left me exhausted so I've needed a lot of time to recover.

I think the media pushes relationships at us all the time. It's sort of expected that you'll be in a relationship or looking for one. Think of all the films and TV series and newspapers and gossip magazines reporting all the ins and outs of celebrity relationships. It's easy to think that you're a bit odd or weird or you're somehow not very successful because you're not coupled up but it doesn't mean that at all. There are plenty of single people around with no interest in dating, they are just a quieter group in my opinion that you don't hear much about.

You could be asexual OP - have you looked into this. There are support groups on the web. I though at one point that I might be asexual but I'm not and I did look at various websites before realizing that the description did not apply to me.

ViciousJackdaw · 22/02/2020 22:55

You're rather fortunate really - your lack of interest in dating means you are free from all the heartache that it inevitably brings. You are at liberty to do exactly as you please.

DimplesToadfoot · 23/02/2020 01:07

I hope not. I split up from my ex after he beat the living daylights out of me and left me for dead on the floor. I swore I'd nevet let a man put me in that position again and so I've stayed single, it's been 12 years and I still have no interest in dating or sex. I have every intention of growing old and being a mad cat lady, the only flaw I see in that plan is that I don't particularly like cats ..

Lifeisabeach09 · 23/02/2020 10:50

No interest in dating but wouldn't mind some sex.
Agree with PP that reading the Relationship board is enough to keep one single for life!!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/02/2020 11:18

I’m single after 20 years

I have ZERO interest right now in dating
All I can envisage is stress and anxiety for very little gain . Men have been undoubtably the primary cause of stress and unhappiness in my life . Sorry 😐

From abusive cheats in my 20s , broken hearts and then 20 years with my Ex

I literally cannot imagine a nice man

cobwebfew · 23/02/2020 11:32

I was single for 4 years after I left my exdp. I had two young DC and I never felt the urge to get out there and find someone else, just wasn't interested.

nosyupnorth · 23/02/2020 11:47

Hi OP!

What you said about feeling like a late bloomer but then sexual interest just never really happened for you sounds a lot some people's experience of asexuality.

You might like to try checking out asexuality.org
It has a lot of articles and FAQs and a forum where you'll probably find lots of people with experiences like yours because although a lack of interest isn't always visible it's definitely not weird!

vodkaredbullgirl · 23/02/2020 11:52

Single 10 years and not interested at all in dating and i dont miss the sex either.

WellThisWentWell · 28/08/2020 14:24

Nope, not weird at all!

Mintjulia · 28/08/2020 14:34

No, not weird at all. I split from ds's dad 9 years ago. Since then had a few dates but honestly can't be arsed with all the game playing and manipulation.

It can get a bit lonely sometimes but it would need someone seriously special to get me dating again.

ShinyMe · 28/08/2020 14:42

It's only 'weird' because it's a bit different from the norm. I'm 47 and have lived alone for 24 years now. I've had relationships in that time, but nothing in the last... ten? years ish, because that's how I want it. Now I'm a bit older, people have stopped pressuring me, but it used to be pretty common that friends and colleagues would get quite vocal about how odd it was, and why didn't I try this or that? and was I sure this was really how I wanted it and haha they knew I'd change my mind when the right person turned up etc etc. Like the comments about childlessness though, they stopped over the last few years.

ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 28/08/2020 14:59

I missed sex after not having it for a number of years

Had some casual sex with a few different men (friends with benefits sort of thing) And very good sex. Then suddenly had enough I think it was peri menopause surge in sex drive last chance saloon to get pregnant Not that I wanted to get pregnant

If I feel the need again I shall do that rather than look for a relationship as I always feel let down. And certainly never want to live with a man again

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 28/08/2020 15:05

I was chatting to a single friend recently and she is the same as you. She just isn't interested enough in sex or relationships to want to go through the rigmarole of dating.

She's also getting fed up with people (normally men) assuming she's some sort of sex maniac because she's a slightly older single woman.

TorgosPizza · 28/08/2020 15:25

You're definitely not the only one to feel that way. I wouldn't date to please anyone but myself.

To tell the truth, it sounds more peaceful and pleasant than being so "driven" that you're unhappy unless you always have a partner, like some people are.