Fed up of DP comments. AIBU?

[mommathatwearspink]

DP has seen me at my best and my worst... we’ve been together for 10+ years. Since having our two DC I have suffered with depression and struggled with weight gain. I’m at the heaviest I have ever been and now classed as plus size. I am actively trying to loose weight at the moment as my weight bothers me.

He’s always said that he loves me no matter what size I am, however recently he has started making comments. He constantly comments on what I’m eating, asking if I’ve been good today and commenting on other women’s bodies... she’s lost weight, she has a nice figure. I’m sick of it quite frankly and have snapped a couple of times now. AIBU?

Well of course he’ll still love you, but he like everyone else knows what he finds attractive. Preferring a slimmer figure doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

If you're actively trying to lose weight perhaps he's trying to encourage you (better than trying to sabotage you)

This is a tough one. If you are trying then making you feel bad doesnt help.

Is there a possibility that he thinks he's helping you? I'm not suggesting you are/aren't BU, but if he thinks it's a way of supporting you, speak to him honestly and tell him how you feel.

However, there's also part of me that thinks there are better ways to support someone to lose weight than to tell them "she's got a nice figure" and as you've been together for so long he probably ought to know that.

Focus on you; doing this for you, getting more healthy for you, setting a great example for your DC. Don't make it about what he prefers; that is secondary to how you feel about yourself.

Yanbu. Those kinds of comments won't help you lose weight.

Wow the first four comments you've gotten are totally missing the point! No one who is trying to lose weight needs to hear that shit so ignore the first four

Even if the OP wasn’t trying to lose weight asking her if she’s “been good today” regarding her food intake or whatever is out of order. As constantly pointing out other women who are in better shape.

The fact the OP is trying to lose weight means he’s an even bigger prick.

He’s a knob and really out of order. I recently put on weight and the most my husband did was acknowledge that yes I have, but he finds me attractive anyway. I’ve lost the weight now but would have felt awful with comments like that. Tell him how much it upsets you.

I hate 'being good?'.. no food is bad, its possibly unhealthy but its not bad.

YANBU

Preferring a slimmer figure doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you

No but bashing her self esteem and value does.

Preferring a slimmer figure doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

It doesn't mean he gets to continuously point out other women with slimmer figures, and ask the OP what she has been putting in her mouth everytime ffs.

Commenting on other women losing weight is a bit shit

comments on what I’m eating, asking if I’ve been good today

Possibly a strange way to phrase it however if you don't want him to ask how the diets going tell him not to ask. I do SW and one of the things that comes up is some of the women's husbands take no interest and will happily sit eating mars bars/crisps/pizza etc while watching TV with their dieting wife.

Sounds like he's telling you that he's fed up too, and supporting your desire to lose weight.

Sounds like he's telling you that he's fed up too, and supporting your desire to lose weight

This.

Sounds like he's telling you that he's fed up too, and supporting your desire to lose weight.

What's he "fed up" with?

The last thing many people who are on a diet need is to be constantly reminded that they are on a diet especially if you are being compared to others.

I would ask him to stop as you find it demotivating.

It’s very frustrating when you love someone to see them in a cycle of overeating and them being upset with their weight. I had the same with my mother for years and it was extremely difficult to watch her ruin her body and self esteem and be so unhappy but repeat the cycle. I must have seen her start and abandon diets well over a hundred times. Must be even more difficult when it’s your partner as, of course, there is the added element of wanting to be attracted to them.

but he like everyone else knows what he finds attractive and he needs to verbalise this to her why? Do you go around pointing out all the hot men to your DP?

@SleepingStandingUp

But maybe he thinks she doesn’t care about his feelings on this because she isn’t changing it? Maybe he thinks a bit of jealousy will motivate (idiotic yes, but perhaps desperate?)

Except she's said she's trying to lose weight, and it's linked to her depression so no excuse for pointing out the hot women. Whether he's trying to make jealous or just doesn't care if it upsets her, I don't think there's any woman who is overweight and depressed who wouldn't mind.

The last thing many people who are on a diet need is to be constantly reminded that they are on a diet

One thing I've noticed (being on a diet myself) is that its pretty well up there among the top topics of conversation. If you go anywhere with friends sitting having tea/coffee there's biscuits & cakes and you don't have any (even if you really could demolish that chocolate eclair). Cooking at home for yourself and family do they go on the diet as well or do you cook separately for yourself.

Isn't plus sized anything over a size 8?

I'd tell him to shut up, he's not helping and then maybe look at whether there are ways to make yourself happy that aren't tied to your weight. Tackle the depression before you tackle your pant size.