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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to in the contents of my house right now and start again????

48 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 22/02/2020 15:45

It's horrific!!! We have two kids 7 & 4 with awful amounts of stuff in a tiny house. On top of this we are starting a business so there is extra stuff in our tiny house. I feel like i'm suffocating. I need to purge!!!
Anyone else the same?

OP posts:
Times10 · 22/02/2020 17:47

Same, totally overwhelmed by it all. I go through phases of decluttering, but we have had a sudden influx of things recently, and the house feels suffocating. Every room is full, and chaotic.

Frouby · 22/02/2020 17:54

Ive had a good purge over half term and I feel so much better. Also bought some new kallax units for the hallway and hid all the bastarding shoes and boots. It's still slightly cluttered but look much better.

I hate stuff. Average sized 3 bed house and only 4 of us but I run 2 businesses from home and we have hobbies which need kit and equipment and dh is a builder and due to theiving twats we have loads of his tools in the house as well.

But I definitely feel better for a good sort out and reorganisation. Mine and dhs room to do next. Dh is a hoarder. I am always going to be thinner. If I lose 2 stone I can keep my bottom drawer of things that may 1 day fit again.

worryingAbout · 22/02/2020 17:58

I have this issue. We have de cluttering and organising since AUGUST last year
In that time this is what has left our house
-2 SKIP fulls
-57 bin bags of rubbish (not day to day rubbish specifically de cluttering rubbish)
-39 bin bags for charity shop

We are only halfway through. It’s a lot better already but it’s been so hard. Literally every day I have to pick an area however small grab 2 bags one for keep one for rubbish and get on with it, I think tbh it will take the full year and we will finally be done August this year

MitziK · 22/02/2020 17:59

DP has a tendency to accumulate shit stuff and hates it if I try to get rid of things - I tried to get rid of a rickety chest of drawers, but by the time I'd got the bastarding thing downstairs and had to go to work, he'd dragged it back in and said it could go into the living room 'for storage', thus taking up the space for the armchair which I also want to get rid of. He then bought a record player 'because we have somewhere to put one now'. It's never used.

The spare room/recording studio makes me feel sick just to look at it - five sets of shelves, posters, flags, random cloths, shit all over the bed so it can't be used without 25 minutes of clearing it first, stuff under it, a desk, a flight case large enough for a washing machine, bags hanging off the door so you can't open it fully, shit piled up in front of the airing cupboard and wardrobe.

There's even enough drums for a Rush concert piled on top of one another in the kitchen where the fridge should be. And the small amount of counter space is filled with tins, jars, packets, bowls, everything that should be in one of the many, many cupboards.

Our bedroom has the bed with his shit stacked up underneath it, a dressing table, a chest of drawers and a tiny wardrobe. And a CD rack he wouldn't let me bin to use as a bedside table for my side.

The landing is clear - except for the two hampers he's decided to put by the bathroom door, their only purpose being for the cat to sleep on.

The bathroom is clear. Except for his shit all over the windowsill.

The shower room is clear. Except for the metal shelf unit he refused to get rid of.

I want to bin the shitty coffee table, the DVD rack that the speaker stands on, the shitty chair that even the cats won't use, the horrible glass TV stand and the fucking chest of drawers. And his crappy plastic standard lamp that was 'so much nicer' than my bastarding expensive arched light. He's also removed my brass side lamp as 'we have my light and the one in the ceiling'.

We don't need to get rid of anything, apparently. We don't need to get anything different, as that would mean getting rid of what is already here.

He's bought cunting fold down TV dinner tables that I want to use as firewood really hate and has moved the coffee table to stick out from a wall where it's impossible to reach a cup from sitting.

The loft is overflowing with his shit. I have nowhere to put my stuff. It's impossible to clean around or even see the dirt through the stuff not that he's any good at cleaning anyhow I can feel the walls closing in on me every day.

Sometimes, were it not for the danger to next door, I fantasise about coming back to find him sat outside a burned out shell with the cats in a basket.

I grew up in a hoarder's midden. This place is a million times clearer and cleaner. But it still freaks me the fuck out.

New 'things' appear all the time. Novelty spoons, Union Jack coasters, and Elvis clock with wobbling leg pendulum - a sodding glass chopping board in the design of a fucking record player.

And then he complains that there are two opened letters, a hairbrush and a lipstick on the coffee table and that I should 'sort all the stuff out'. Stuff? My 'stuff' would fit into a carrier bag. Try the fucking two houses worth of shitty furniture and drums before you come at me about half a carrier bag as 'getting in the way of cleaning'.

SonjaMorgan · 22/02/2020 18:10

Even with a tiny car you can shift loads. Bag up anything still worth something and take it all the the charity shop. I have been putting a bag or so a week into our black bin on bin day. I still haven't got threw the drawers yet, I am very disorganized in hidden places. I will just do 1 a week though or I think I would have a cry.

Crazybunnylady123 · 22/02/2020 18:11

My dp is very clean and he’s decluttering at the moment by selling his shit on eBay. He is a gamer (which doesn’t bother me at all) and he had these bloody ugly gears of war figures. He’s sold nearly the lot on eBay. I’m ecstatic that they are gone! He’s now moving onto other things he has Lying around which encourages me to do the same. We are hoping to have a clutter free front room soon.

CSIblonde · 22/02/2020 18:39

You need to be very ruthless. If you haven't used something for a year it needs to go. Gumtree works best for getting rid of free & cheap stuff for me. Post it on Thurs & by Sat its gone. Don't post stuff earlier in week any more as twigged no one ever hunts it before end of week.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/02/2020 18:58

Come over to Home&Gardens onto the Housekeeping threads .
Loads of Declutter and FlyLady threads for inspiration.

My DMum ( mid 80s) is a hoarder . It isn't new She has always been untidy , won;t throw things out or put things away .
Then she started 'collecting' things (not even nice or pretty , just as long as it was a 'thing' for her collection. Hundreds of bloody clocks -over 240 of the buggers Hmm )

She seemed to think it was cute or funny that no-one could move or sit down.

Now she needs to keep things clear for safety , and because she isn't mobile their house is tidier . She cannot go out to buy things but trying to get her to part with something...like puling teeth .

She is of a generation Post war where there was rationing .
But as a child , it was depressing living in the house . I think now she's just overwhelmed by STUFF and sometimes cannot even get to her own bed (so she'll sleep in the spare room..and fell off the single bed )

I got sewing machine and a knitting machine to the skip by bargaining power . I set up the other knitting machine . She wanted to donate them to the Church but they were not useable . The Church does not want to have to get rid of someone elses junk.
She cannot even use a knife let alone a sewing machine .

I am going up there soon. Gawd Help Me !
It is like reasoning with a small child and yes , I know hoarding is a mental illness so piling in with a skip would not work.

Northernsoullover · 22/02/2020 19:12

I had an enormous clear out over Christmas. I look around and think what the hell did I actually get rid of? I'm so fed up. I think I'll start again tomorrow.

DontCallMeShitley · 22/02/2020 19:51

I put a minimum of one item a day in a bag or box for the charity shop. Currently it is a lot more than one item a day going in there. Drop it off once a week.

Our Freecycle group is really busy, so stuff that isn't suitable for the shop goes on there and is gone quickly.

Some of it goes on Ebay for a while and if it doesn't sell within 3 listings it goes in the bag for the shop.

Pet stuff and clean bedding, newspapers etc. go the the animal sanctuary. Pet meds (in date) go to a lady with a cat rescue and she also takes stuff for her boot sales which she collects.

One day it will all be gone, hopefully while I am still alive to enjoy the space.

TheHagOnTheHill · 22/02/2020 21:38

I started again nearly 4 years ago leaving my now ex with just my 12 yr old and bin bags.
Fantastic,but I already have encroaching stuff.I am being tough and because I started with everything has a place(small house)it has been easier to be ruthless.

KindKylie · 22/02/2020 21:55

I come from hoarding genes and while it does make me desperately keen not to end up in a cluttered house, I do also recognise the emotional attachment to things that is deep within me.

My DH is absolutely ruthless and bins even important, valuable or emotionally significant items which is hard work but it does help to roevent too much hoarding or build up of random stuff.

It terrifies me how much stuff we have regardless. We recently went through our clothes and we shifted multiple bags to the charity shops and the tip, and yet my drawers don't even look like I'm missing anything. Scary!

Whenever we have a good clear out I remember aaim how good it feels and how it's not as hard to let stuff go as I fear. I'm going to try and keep up regular sort outs so it never gets too much.

CoodleMoodle · 22/02/2020 22:18

I really struggle with this. Part of it is down to my DM, which is hard to admit as she's lovely and I adore her. But every time I go to get rid of something I can just hear her saying, "Oh, you're getting rid of that!?"

Every time I do fill a bag up to donate or throw away, I have to make sure she doesn't see it (she comes over a lot, which is lovely unless I'm decluttering!). If she spots a bag of stuff she'll go through it and take things out, she used to do it when I lived at home, too. If I threw something in the bin I had to hide it! Same with donating stuff. If it wasn't actual rubbish, half the time she got it back out and told me off for trying to throw it away. And she's not a hoarder, not really. Not in an extreme sense, anyway (no piles of totally useless junk).

It's not just her, it's me as well. I want to get rid of all of DD(6)'s baby/toddler stuff but every time I do, I think, "Ooh, DS(19mo) might play with that." So I've got loads of books, puzzles and toys that are taking up a ridiculous amount of space and should really be brought out and played with/read, or got rid of. And again I hear DM's voice - "Oh, you can't get rid of that because DD likes it/DS will like it/it doesn't take up THAT much space..."

The only thing I don't mind sorting out is clothes. We've still got far too many, but they get donated or recycled frequently.

DD's birthday in a couple of weeks. She's getting a LOT of Lego because that's all she wants. I'm determined to make some space for it.

OntheWaves40 · 22/02/2020 22:22

I always have a charity bag on the go. It lives in the corner of our landing, every time kids come downstairs looking run up I send them upstairs to change and put it in the bag. Same with toys. If it’s not been played with for a year then it goes in. They have learnt now they are older that the more they put in the more likely they are to get something else. For every full bag they get one thing so they def have less now

Itwasntme1 · 22/02/2020 22:24

@CoodleMoodle my dad is like that. Every time he sees me throwing out anything he asks and asks and asks if I am sure.

It used to really irritate me, now I just doing throw anything out in front of him.

He is not a hoarder, but thinks I am wasteful and impulsive🙄

CoodleMoodle · 22/02/2020 22:27

Actually, I had a sort out of a box of baby books that were stashed in DD's cupboard. These are in addition to the hundreds (no exaggeration) of books we have on the bookshelf in our front room. None of us have looked at any of the "cupboard books" since we moved here, nearly 4 years ago.

I kept a few back for DS and put the rest in a bag. DM happened to be with me the day I was going to the charity shop with them. I put them in the car, she noticed, said, "You're getting rid of books!?" and clearly wasn't happy about it. But I did get rid of them and, even though it was only one bag, I felt good about it.

Now I just need to do the rest of house.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/02/2020 22:29

Last time I went to my DParents , my DMum couldn't get her clothes in her wardrobe becuse there was a huge cardboard box full of her clothes in front of it .Hmm

We went through it , hung up the clean stuff , put the dirty clothes in the laundry , sorted out some bits for the charity .

She is convinced she will wear whatever random item (like a hideous belt or necklace or scarf - she has never,ever worn these things even in her younger days)

The only way to stop the cycle is to destroy the box.

Then my DDad ( blinking enabler) "Oh your Mum might want to keep that box/tub"

To fill with things . No .

Nature Abhors A Vacuum

Daftodil · 22/02/2020 22:48

Could you declutter for Lent? Instead of giving up chocolate or whatever, everyone in your household puts one thing in a box every day and them gives the box to a refuge/charity shop at Easter. Easier to do if everyone is involved rather than you having to do it all by yourself.

bluebird3 · 22/02/2020 22:59

I'm the same! We found out we are moving overseas so I am on major purge mode. It's surprising what you can get down with a deadline. Moving also puts lots into perspective - is this going? Nope? Ok, bye bye.

A gentler approach I read about that I thought sounded good was to keep an open bag for the charity shop and put at least one thing in it per day, take at the end of the month. 365 things gone by this time next year Smile

HAhelp101 · 22/02/2020 23:07

Just been cleaning out slowly last couple of weeks. Purged clothes for me and kids. OH can't part with his Hmm. Had a big tidy up of general tat. And slowly going through the drawers with crap in them. Just need to go through paper now and it feels so much better already!

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/02/2020 23:20

My DS is developing some hoardery habits too (little swine)

I bought him a load of TShirts and swearshirts for going back to University and went through his clothes .

He was all "Oh I wear that loads"...........no he doesn't . I do the washing so I know what gets worn and put in the basket .

Don;t try and KId a Kidder My Son Wink

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/02/2020 23:22

swearshirts sweatshirts obvs .

My boy doesn't have allocated swearing garments !

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/02/2020 23:28

We live in a tiny house 2 (2 kids share a room). My mum was living with us until a couple of weeks ago, she was here for 7 months. I felt like I was suffocating.

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