I have four children aged between 12 and 19

[Larcombe3]

The older two are in University and College. They both don't work or choose not to get a little job . Me and my husband work every week up to 65 hours . I've suggested that my older daughters get a job to help with there funds . But they say no I'm feeling fed up as I do everything in the house . They don't ask for money as they have student Grant's which they buy their stuff that they need .

what do you want them to do?
earn money?
help in the house?
set up a rota for cleaning
dont lend them money

Fair enough they don't get jobs, if they don't ask you for anything.
But yes, they should be pulling their weight in the house, and you need to make it a condition fo their living at home (be prepared for them to threaten to move out - until they realise how much it would cost)

Get your partner to back you up, and force the issue. You need to gather up your strength, say what you expect, and follow it through. So you don't do their washing, and you don't cook for them if they're not prepared to help out. Same goes for your husband if he does nothing round the house.

If they're living at home during term time why are they taking the full student loan? There's a very high interest rate attached to that.

I feel your frustration. I have four between the ages of 14 and 20. the eldest is away at Uni, and has been working until he recently started doing some voluntary work which whilst giving him excellent experience now really limits his ability to get a paid job, and he also now has my car so he can get to this work. I am now having to use the bus. This weekend he is home with loads of washing and currently lazing on the sofa under a duvet feeling " exhausted". Ds2 does work and has worked all of half term week, doesn't ask for anything and does help with dog walks etc. DS3 ( 17years) does not have a job but always too exhausted to much more than the odd very brief dog walk. DD1 keeps being offered pocket money for chores, but cleaning the bathroom for £5 is not worth her while apparently. All this whilst expecting me to shell out for expensive haircuts, clothing etc. I'm really going to be putting a stop to it all.

I'm curious how someone MAKES other adults do anything.

Hmmm: op are you coming back?

Two totally separate issues here.

Money (a child or young adult in full time education I would never ask for money to 'keep' them)

Chores - make them do their own bits by stopping doing it yourself.
The older ones are old enough to do their own washing and cleaning. Buy their own 'non essential' beauty products etc.

What is your actual complaint?
That you give them money?
That they don’t give you money?
That they do nothing around the house?

You chose to have 4 kids, so if that means you’re skinter than you’d be with 2 kids 🤷🏻‍♀️ meh.

I don’t think parents should charge rent to children in education - unless they’re genuinely short themselves. That’s a personal view and I would criticise someone who did think rent was due - it’s just not how see providing a home for my child who is still studying. I don’t intend to have no cost from a child I chose to have, whilst still in education. If you need the money that’s different - but as much as possible, I would take off them only what they cost - so good and utilities, not housing. If my circumstances had changed and I needed the rent - e.g.if without the child, I would be looking for a lodger - then I’d charge rent.

That’s all separate to expecting a child of adult child to pull their weight. What is being left to you, and how much are you enabling that? E.g. laundry: do your own and younger children, expect them to do their own.

Meal times - tell them you want them to cook one night a week for the whole family - or they’re not part of family eating and will need to cook their own all week.

There’s usually a fine line between selfish young adults and enabling parents!

*wouldn’t criticise!!

If they aren't paying rent, then they should certainly be doing set tasks around the house. As should your DH. Make a rota.

Mine lives away at uni. does not give us any money, works in holiday time. We do not expect anything until he is working. Not their fault you had four children. However, if they live at home then I would expect something.

In the nicest possible way, you’re clearly too soft with them. They absolutely should be helping around the house etc

Sorry to be blunt but they sound lazy and selfish. I have had a job since l was 15 -throughout college, university etc. They need to grow up and step up

if you've brought up some idle skanks, it isn't too late. Lay it on the line that all services are now stopping until they get off their arses. Start by stopping washing, room cleaning and finance. If nothing changes, stop food but leave access to the kitchen.

if they leave their stuff everywhere, an open box outside the back door is the place for it after one warning. Too bad if it rains.