To get my 9yo assessed??

[Stressymam]

Evening everyone. I did write a thread but for some reason it just wouldn't upload. But anyway. I'll try and summarise this as best I can. Here goes....

So my 9 yo is a very bright and intelligent young girl. She was a dream as a baby. Slept through very quick. Easy to get in a routine. Easily pleased and hardly ever cried. When she started school they brought to my attention that she has ocd tendencies. Likes things in either colour order or size order. Has to have things done a certain way otherwise cue meltdown. Even down to what wayy handle on the mop bucket was. I changed the mop bucket in the end. Anyways fast forward to the last 12 months she has gotten more and more difficult.

She has an attitude to boot which yes I get kids that age will try but it's not how she says things it's what she says. She can be really horrible and nasty to the point where yesterday she drove me to tears. She has seen me cry once in 9 years previous to this time but I didn't know what else I could do to get through to her. School have picked up she has a lack of or no empathy towards others. She is obsessed with her brother to the point she will stop others going near him but will also have a go and say I give the baby all the attention. It has been explained a baby has needs they can't tend to like she can. She almost comes across as selfish and ungrateful. She shows emotion for all the wrong reasons and yet when you would expect emotions to be shown she's just blank. This is just some off the top of my head but will happily give more info if needed.

Her stepmum who works in mental health asked me today if I had thought about getting her assessed because she said she has symptoms of add/adhd and autism. I said I had but wouldn't have a clue on how to say this to the gp.

I've sat and pondered most of the night and I think I will make an appt to speak to the doctor. Or will I be best speaking to the school. I have no experience or knowledge of autism or add/adhd. I've done minimal research and yes she does fit alot of them all but I'm just afraid that I won't be listened to.

It has been a very difficult year for us all. I have even gone on a parent course with barnados in the hope to understand her better because she never expresses herself or says how she is feeling. She just reacts. Now if there is a reason behind it I want nothing more than to help her the best way I can. I guess I'm just after advice/handhold with this and were I should go from here.

Thank you for reading and if you need any more information please just ask. I just didn't want to go on and on.

I would look at assessments. You’ve listed a lot of traits my daughter also had/has and she is diagnosed with autism.

You'll need to take her to the GP with you. Get her to wait in the waiting room for a bit v if you're not sure how to talk about this in front of her, but most services won't accept referrals from a GP if the GP hasn't seen the child.

In our area my gp refused to refer as she saw it as the schools job. I'd start by asking school the process for your area. What are schools thoughts on the subject?
Would school implement things that help children with sen without a diagnosis my ds school did and helped greatly but also helped show at assessment that changing how they spoke to him etc helps.

Hi OP
I work in this area for my local authority. I agree that from what you say your Dd presents with several indicators for ASD.

Look up your local health authority CAMHS service and find out the referral process for ASD. They will point you in the right direction

There are some good books, lots published by Jessica Kingsley, about autism in kids. Luke Jackson wrote one as a teenager - he had an aspergers diagnosis I believe.

There might be a useful charity like amazesussex.org.uk in your area that would help you get your head around the situation. It’s taking me quite a long time to recognise there’s something out of the ordinary that needs attention, get advice, convince school, understand the diagnosis etc etc. Good luck

Yes, you are doing the right thing to get her assessed. Autism, particularly high functioning autism/Asperger's, presents differently in girls, so it's not uncommon for it to go undiagnosed longer or be missed by teachers, pediatricians, etc. True obsessive compulsive disorder can also lead to behavioral difficulties, meltdowns, and even cruel/aggressive behavior when a child is prevented from engaging in her compulsions or feel like she's not in control. Her symptoms are clearly causing her significant distress and you as well. Well done for recognizing my this and taking the first step towards an answer and treatment plan.

Hello and thank you for your replies. School is back off half term come Monday so I will definitely speak to the head and her class teacher and get their take on things. I moved their schools so have only been there since September just gone but I should think they would have a good knowledge of her with it being a very small school.

I will contact the doctors on Monday and try and get an appointment as soon as possible. With regards to the nasty things she can say, it's gone as far as to her telling her friend she gets locked in the loft every night. This poor kid didn't sleep a wink and told the head teacher who then rang to say what had been said. She did cough up and say it was a lie and when she was told at how distressed her friend was the head mentioned about the lack of empathy. She is like that at home apart from with her baby brother. But will switch in a second and make out I don't love her or spend any time with her and its all about the baby.

It is very difficult with her and in a way I hope we get answers as to why she has these difficulties. I won't lie I am totally naive at all the different spectrums and add/adhd. I have no experience so to speak of it. I always thought that everyone puts a label on things so easy nowadays. And you get parents that make out their children have this that and the other. For whatever reason. I just don't want to be looked at as that kind of mam and I don't want her labeled the naughty child. Something is clearly amiss with her and I will do my best to get to the bottom of it.

Thank you all once again. As ever I knew I could rely on mumsnetters. We clearly all suffer with insomnia too 😂