Wtf? Why do I feel sorry for him? *trigger rape*

[SingleSidedShoulderShrug]

What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. Me?!!

Im such a weirdo. I was raped when I was 15, I ignored it for 15 years and now Then I saw him and It all came back and hit me in the face. So I reported him, I went to video suite, the police officers have been so kind and nice, they managed to track him down.. not really difficult! They interviewed him and he obviously denies everything but apparently cried through the interview.

Here my aibu.. I felt bad! I felt sorry for him, he cried during a police interview and I felt bad. Because I put him in that room with them. What the fuck is wrong with me?

This man raped me at knife point in his house when I was 15 and he was an adult, he has fucked my mental health up beyond belief and I feel sorry for him?! Wtf?! All I could think about when I read the email about the case update was 'god I bet him and his wife have had a really shit week, I even toyed with the idea of dropping charges but I'm not going to. I want to see this through. CPS have enough to charge and I'm going all the way. This man deserves to go prison for taking away my innocence

Aibu to give myself a kicking mentally to stop feeling like this?

Respect to you.
Stay strong

He's crying for himself, not for you.

Wishing you strength, you have done a brave thing xx

@Lipsygirl I've found every single thing hard, every single aspect of the case has different difficult points, like you get through 1 bit and it's hard because they ask questions like 'what were you wearing' to which I did actuallly respond 'rape is rape and even if I went to his house fully naked and said no he had no right to rape me, add in the fact that I was under the age of consent and that's irrelevant surely?' but it's not apparently so I did tell them. And then it gets easier because you process that but then it gets hard again.

I hope you have a good therapist, mine has been completely amazing, I really want to do emdr but the police have advised against it as the defence can claim it has taken away or given false memories. But it works wonders for some people with ptsd and I'm desperate to try it!

I'm in shock they asked what you were wearing! Does it have any other purpose except to victim blame??

I dont think it means you are weird you are obviously a kind person and that's a good thing. I'm sorry you went through that its awful and I hope the process helps give you some peace. My experience is much less serious but I got assaulted by my friend when I was asleep I was 17 and i just blanked it out for years but in more recent years it's been so confusing to me. He was depressed, lived alone in a bed sit, he was kind and probably a bit vulnerable and I always felt a little sad for him. I never felt or even now feel he was threatening. I cant really understand it and about 2 years ago I looked him up on facebook I dont know why I did this and couldn't find him but I suddenly had an urge to see what happened to him. I also used to avoid walking past where it happened but I started to go past if I need to rather than avoiding it. I think it's normal to have conflicting and confusing emotions and you are bound to be shocked and emotional. Good luck for the court case and I hope you get to have the therapy afterwards.

@Bobbiepin I have no idea,
The attacks happened on 2 separate occasions, once in a park when I was 14
(Not rape but groping) and they asked me what I wearing then, and the other happened at his house, and they asked what I was wearing and whether I still had them. I assumed the second time they asked was to see if maybe they could get evidence? As, I don't have the shredded woolly tights that were ripped off me as I left them there. But they found them in his house. So he kept a pair of woolly tights with a pattern on them with a rip all across the crotch for 15 years?! Freak. Must admit I loved those tights!

Ah OP

You have been so brave and emotions and trauma and the brain are weird

I feel guilty for splitting up with my ex and no longer financially supporting him , even though he was so horrible to me

Just keep going , I don’t know how you can filter this out. But keep going

If nothing else think that he will do it and fuck up
Another
Life

It is ok to feel pity for him. Whatever you feel is ok. It doesn't change what the right thing to do is and you have done it . Well done.

He cried probably for a mix of reasons including that he is sorry. He should be sorry and that is ok, he still should be punished . It is unfortunate that his family will also suffer but again this is nothing to do with you , and all to do with the choice he made 15 years ago

Don't worry about feeling sorry for him, don't give yourself a hard time about that . Whatever you arer feeling is ok. You are being strong

I think what you're feeling is normal OP. I took my abuser to court for historic sexual abuse (stepfather). I even wanted him to be found not guilty on the day of sentencing as I felt so sorry for him. I don't feel sorry now. I'm glad the bastard got put away and my family was forced to acknowledge the truth - eventually! I'm also fairly sure he'd done this before and me and my sister could have been saved years of abuse if the previous victims had stepped forward. It is always right to report even though it feels kinder - and it is certainly easier - to ignore it and hope it was a one off.

You have my respect I hope you have a good support network around you - you'll need it. It will get worse before it gets better.

OP you are awesome. So much respect to you and @Lipsygirl and @bigvig

Just remember you are doing this for yourself and all the other people he has inevitably done this to. You've done his wife a favour in the long run. Although you are feeling shaky at the moment and sorry for his wife she will hopefully find out what a shit she is married to. I can guarantee if he has the ability to do this to you that she has also been on the receiving end of violence. You have also done this for other women. Carry on you are a star.

@Trahira thank you

It is mentally & emotionally exhausting Op. mine has been going on for 3 years as it’s historic. The CPS have bounced it back 3 times due to lack of evidence, I struggled to put things together due to PTSD and memory loss. I was giving my statement and saying I was 12 but I wasn’t I was 9. It’s incredibly tough Op.

I think sometimes your stuck in that mentality that you convince yourself it’s your fault, it takes time to come to terms with the fact your innocent & have done nothing wrong.

I had that too, what were you wearing, what was his penis Size, etc. Extremely uncomfortable questions, it’s natural to try to distance yourself to protect yourself.

Prepare yourself Op, you will go back before you go forwards. I struggled with PTSD for years, finally got over it & the minute I pressed charges it all came back. But I know one day I will be able to go to bed without worrying what he’s doing

This will make you a stronger person, I’ve got so much respect for anybody who is willing to put themselves through this.

Whatever happens, whatever you do, don’t ever let him ruin your life! Don’t give him any power back. You’ve survived the worst!

Keep your head up high, you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. You can do this