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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be enraged by gender double standards toward flexible working and childcare

4 replies

thepeopleversuswork · 21/02/2020 16:47

I work in an environment which has historically not been very supportive of flexible working, to put it mildly, and still isn't compared to, eg, public sector. Things are changing - slowly -- but its still very much about presenteeism and being seen to be available.

I notice that blokes are increasingly happy for it to be known that they are, for example, working from home due to half term/bringing kids to the office and get plaudits for doing so (rightly). But there still seems to be a view that if a woman does it its a subliminal example of why women can't be trusted to be available in high-octane jobs.

I was given advice by a (female) boss in a previous white collar job that it was fine to be a working mum and everyone understood that there were circumstances where I couldn't be in the office but that it was something not to be discussed in the office, as if it were a dirty secret. So for example if I had to leave early for some reason dictated by childcare I was told it was fine as long as I didn't discuss the reasons publicly.

Nowadays it seems to be something which men actively get brownie points for: no fewer than three blokes in my office have brought their kids in in the past fortnight due to not having childcare sorted and this is somehow seen as evidence that they are "pulling their weight". I have yet to see a woman do this.

On the one hand I guess its to be celebrated that men no longer feel that childcare is something to be ashamed of and that they are happy for their colleagues and clients to know they do it.

On the other hand I still feel that there's an unwritten rule that says if a man does it he's progressive and laudably hands-on, if a woman does it she's flaky and unreliable.

Is this just ill-directed feminist rage or has anyone else noticed it?

OP posts:
Kirkman · 21/02/2020 16:53

It's not the case in my work or the last 2 places I have worked at. The first looked down on me wanting flexible working because of kids. Didnt really like men taking more than the minimum paternity leave either.

The 2nd one had flexible working for all though, kids in the workplace would be a no no.

Where I work now, the owners aren't fan of anyone finding work difficult due to kids. However, it's fine because they are never in the office and those of us that are in charge are more than happy for men or women to bring kids in, work flexibly etc

It's going to come down to where you work.

In my current job there isnt anyone who gushes about men pulling their weight either. Or men moaning they do too much either.

Kirkman · 21/02/2020 16:54

That should say looked down on men for wanting flexible working. Not me

Frariedeamin · 21/02/2020 17:10

I can’t say that is my experience. Our big bosses opinion is that flexible working should be the default position unless there is a business reason otherwise.

Teateaandmoretea · 21/02/2020 18:11

I think men can get away with more than women, yes. However I can't relate to the advice you have been given re not being honest and we don't have a presenteeism culture generally.

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