To take this job?

[Emlok]

It’s a long one, sorry, but I could use some advice. I’ve been headhunted for another job and offered a lot more money. They really want me and have offered to retain my current four days per week until my youngest goes to school in September, plus my two home-working days, they seem very nice but will expect a lot and it will be a demanding role. On paper, career-wise, it’s a great next step and I need to think about the future. In addition, my eldest (7) is about to start the gruelling referral process for an ADHD assessment following advice from a specialist SEN professional and, if he is diagnosed, I will have to attend a 4 month parenting course to make sure that it’s nothing I’m doing. In the meantime, he’s a handful and home life can be quite stressful. In addition (!), my children’s father and I are separated and he is absolutely against the referral and being extremely obstructive. I think he is worried about the stigma but also about the possibility of medication. I have said that I’m not keen on the idea either but also that I won’t make that decision arbitrarily - I will take advice from medical professionals and do what is best for my son. All in all, life is pretty full on at the moment so my question is: what do I do about the job? On the one hand, it’s a great opportunity and, although employers are slowly becoming more flexible, finding a decent role with decent money and flexible working is very difficult. On the other hand, do I want to invite potentially more stress to my doorstep, have the worry of probation period hanging over me - plus, what if I don’t like it? What if I can’t do it? I want to just give myself a shake and say go for it - I’m a mature, capable, experienced woman - but yesterday’s latest altercation with my (emotionally abusive and bullying) ex had me crying with frustration. WWYD?

Do whats best for you! Personally i would ensure a full conversation with the new job and whats going and what you will need and ensure they can provide it. If they can go for it! Personally in regards to your ex, remember hes an ex for a reason he was there only to teach you something in life. By the sounds of it he was there to teach you what you dont deserve. I wouldnt worry about anything he says other than what he feels for your sons care.

Hugs to you
Your potential new employers obviously believe in you, and do seem helpful. Any change is stressful and challenging, but you've got that on top of stress and challenges at home. But sometimes challenges can be powerful too. Would work be stressful and challenging if you stayed at your old job?
Sometimes when I have to make a decision I ask myself: What would I regret more? Doing the thing, or not doing the thing? It helps me, anyhow.

Re: the parenting course "I will have to attend a 4 month parenting course to make sure that it’s nothing I’m doing." Please can I reassure you they are NOT assuming it's 'something you've done'. The parenting course recognises the challenges of parenting a child with ADHD and is there to offer tips, practical ideas and support for the parents.
As to medication: Ask your ex - if your child had diabetes would he be against him having insulin? Medication for ADHD is no different. And also you can have medication breaks during school holidays to see how things go.

You sound an amazing woman with lots of strengths and talents. If you want to do this, then you can do it!

They want you to attend a parenting course? I have two children diagnosed with asd and adhd and yes I chose to attend many courses but that’s because I chose to. I didn’t work and wanted to meet people in a similar position. Please don’t be afraid or embarrassed by medication. Both my children take it. I was very against it, strongly felt uncomfortable but we reached the end of behavioural intervention because they just couldn’t focus. Meds make a huge difference.

Have you met your potential boss?

Thank you all so much for your responses. In answer to your questions: my current job isn’t particularly stressful because I know what I’m doing. I’ve been there 8.5 years and I have built up a reputation for being efficient and working hard. They like me a lot and will probably counter my offer. That said, it likely won’t be as much as I’m being offered because the larger group we fall under the umbrella of a) isn’t doing very well and b) has weird policies against giving people pay rises above a certain percentage. I love my company but loathe the wider group who encroach more and more as the years go by.

My ex very rarely has time spent alone with his children. There is always at least one other adult present because he’s just not equipped to do it on his own but this means that the symptoms and behaviours I see on my own are mitigated so he just doesn’t buy into it. Medication is a very emotive subject but he’s particularly against the idea that anything is ‘wrong’ with his child and can’t see beyond that.

I do WANT to go on courses to get help, obviously. This is just the way the SEN explained it to me which and also I meant that it will be an extra stress. I am signed up to online courses already, part of Facebook groups locally and have taken advice from other parents going through the same thing so I’m actively seeking ideas and support and help. I just don’t know what my capacity will be to focus on everything to this degree because I don’t know the job nor the new company.

I have met the new employer. She is lovely but I already know she’ll be pushy and demanding as well as helpful and supportive. One of those who if you put in the effort for her, she will do the same for you. Inspirational but probably quite unforgiving if I screw anything up!