DH/DS/sleepover

[HopefullyAnonymous]

It’s been half term this week. A couple of weeks DS (12) asked if he could have a friend to sleep over this week. I said he could, as long as it wasn’t when I was on a late shift. DH is friends with the other parent so I remind them of my stipulation but leave it to them to sort.

Yesterday morning DH reminds us that Bob* is sleeping over and he was about to pick him up. I’m cross as I’m on 12 hour half nights with an hours drive home from work. DH clearly forgot to check my shifts (I can see by his face and the way he gets all defensive) and says I’m being unfair as DS rarely asks. He assured me he will keep everyone quiet so I don’t even notice.

I crawled into bed at 4am. Since 8am all I’ve heard is the boys giggling and playing on the Xbox. Then sssshhhing each other. Doors banging. They’re not actually being ridiculously loud but it’s a small house with thin walls and I’m back at work again at 3pm. DH has now taken them out with the dog in an effort to give me peace, but they’d win no prizes for stealth 🙄

AIBU to be really fucking pissed off with DH? I told him this would happen and he assured me it would not. There were 5 other nights this week where i was on a better shift. I’m really grumpy when tired and do a demanding job with a long commute so I’m not sure if that’s clouding my judgement. DH has some making up to do though, right?

It's not ideal but really not worth making a fuss about. They could easily have had the sleepover when you were working on a day shift and kept you awake most of the night. Your DH has done all the supervision for the sleepover so dont think he does owe you.

It was a mistake on the part of your dh. He forgot, he didn’t arrange it on purpose to annoy you. He obviously made it clear to the boys to be quiet which is why you heard them shooshing (how do you even spell that?) each other. Whilst I understand you’re grumpy and tired Op, pick your battles. Just explain your position and he won’t do it again. It’s really not worth an argument or to ruin the weekend. Your ds doesn’t ask for friends to stay often which is why your dh was accommodating. Don’t make your ds feel bad as he is we obviously trying to have fun whilst keep the noise down to allow you to sleep.

Was* not “is we”. Autocorrect

It’s thoughtlessness with DH though, rather then a genuine mistake. I’d understand it if I’d not mentioned a preference over sleepover days but I expressly said not Thursday or Friday,

I’m not mad at DS at all, he’s tried his hardest to keep the noise down bless him. But I’ve now has only 4 hours sleep with another minimum 12hrs ahead of me (overtime is a regular thing, especially on a Friday night!) with an hours drive each way. Maybe I am just grumpy...

Really?? My DH would have a hissy fit if I’d done that to him so no I really don’t think you ABU OP. You only asked him to check one thing and he didn’t bother so he’s basically just not considered you in any if this though I’m sure he’s made certain it’s not on a night that meant any issue for him.

Yes, DH was off yesterday and off today so it suits him. Not least because he can stick pictures on Instagram and then tell me on Monday how all the women on his team are fawning over him being such a great dad.

To be fair he is a very loving and involved parent.

I feel like people that don't work nights do not understand the impact it has on your physical health on a normal day let alone when you don't get to sleep properly around the shifts.

Not your son's fault but yanbu to be upset with your DH for lack of thoughtfulness, especially as you specifically told him your needs and didn't leave him to guess.

Sweeneytoddsrazor Have you ever worked night shifts? It really is awful when you get no sleep due to inconsiderate jerks during the daytime and yes it is something to be upset about

And there you go. He arranged it to suit him and didn't give a stud about you.

Sorry your husband cares more about the women on his team thinking he's great than his wife's health and well-being.

I'd be cross with your dh too.

Long shifts are tough if you haven't got much sleep between.

At least now you have grounds for an absolute veto on further sleepovers when you are on that shift (including cancelling them if thoughtless dh arranges them).

It's annoying OP, I think DH should apologise for messing up but I don't think it's worth remaining worked up over.

I personally think YABU. It's half term and your DS can't be expected to be silent whilst you're sleeping.

Yes DH was foolish in forgetting but at least he's co-parenting far more than some DH do.

I understand you're tried but focus on DS having a nice time. Hope you get some rest.

Yes I have worked night shifts and yes I get it can be tough, but a one off sleepover where DH has done everything and I had to do nothing for wouldn't piss me off too much. If it was happening on a regular basis yes but as a one off no I wouldn't be bothered.