Underage drinking

[PurpleThistles84]

Posting here for traffic. My 13 year old daughter confessed to me a couple of weeks ago that she had been drinking when having sleepovers at her friends. Vodka and rum. Through questioning her, I found out her father (we are divorced) had let her get so drunk she threw up, at his sisters wedding. She drank gin and tonic, rum, red wine and Prosecco. She maintains she had not drank since before the wedding.

We had long conversations about alcohol, the various risks and obviously that she is not legally old enough to drink.

Just two days ago she asked to have a sleepover at a different friends house. I wasn’t keen but spoke to the mother of the other child, made sure I had all contact details and made it clear that there was to be no alcohol.

Long story short, the next day I checked her phone and found out she and this friend had been drinking dragon soop of all things, bought for them by this friends 18 year old sister.

Obviously I was furious and she has been told it will be a long time until she is trusted to have sleepovers in the future and as I can’t trust her father not to let her have sleepovers in his care she will not be going to his for the foreseeable either (I have residency) but I really am not sure what to do about her drinking, I can’t lock her up and monitor her every move, and would like advice from other parents that have been in this situation.

Just for further background, my daughter has had a fair amount of trauma in her life which she has had counselling for at the time of events taking place but I am going to refer her for further counselling as she is now a teen and so more able to understand the things that have happened to her. I feel she is much more at risk of dangerous behaviours because of these things. Any advice would be really appreciated.

Wow, I'd be livid. DD 12 would be allowed a little taste at home, but that's it. Luckily, she's not interested.

I do not have a teenager but i was a teen who drank quite heavily for a little while do to family issues. I learned on my own not to really drink. However, my parents allowed me to drink in there home when i was 13 and so on at parties they threw. However, if i did drink my father would wake me up at 6 am to clean the house. My parents did this with all 3 girls and none of us care to drink much anymore its just not fun anymore and when it was it was in the safety of my parents home.Personally with my son i do not plan on doing this as i dont like the fact i was allowed to drink at such a young age and i truly believe you have every right to be mad but i think you should truly express to your daughter why you care so much and that you dont want anything to happen to her due to the dangers of alcohol. Especially with friends they will easily turn their backs on you to prevent getting in trouble

Just looked up Dragon Soop:

Dragon Soop is an 8% abv fermented alcoholic beverage fortified with Schnapps, containing high levels of caffeine (35mg per 100ml), blended with taurine, guarana and delicious flavours, in a chillable can. The number of units of alcohol per can (4 units in a 500ml can) is clearly marked, so you can drink aware.

Much stronger than most beers/ciders

My DD is a bit older at 15, but perhaps at the same stage in that alcohol is now becoming quite frequently available at parties etc, and there's a level of peer pressure.

I allow my DD to drink very moderately (i.e. a single Prosecco/glass of wine/Smirnoff ice) at home, along with certain friends (who's parents have been consulted). They have to drink downstairs with us. It's actually really nice, as I get to sit and talk with them:) No alcohol at all allowed upstairs in bedrooms. If we go to family parties etc, again, I'm happy for DD to have one alcoholic drink.

Regarding parties, I don't allow my DD to stay over at parties where there's likely to be alcohol. We tip out and pick her up, usually around midnight. We've had long talks about how alcohol can lead to her being vulnerable in a situation such as a party, and advised her not to drink at them, despite us being quite happy for her to drink in moderation in a safe environment. Although I obviously can't really tell if she has had one drink or not, certainly she's never been noticeably under the influence, or smelling of alcohol when we've picked her up. I'd like to think it was our sensible approach that is leading to her level headed attitude towards alcohol, but in all honesty, I think it has most been helped by one of her friends getting completed sloshed at a party, making a total fool of herself and getting teased for it the following day.

In this case it wasn’t a party, just a regular sleepover. The first time she told me she had drank I wasn’t angry with her, I wasn’t happy about it but I made it very clear to her that my main concern is that of her safety. I have shared some of my own horror stories of poor decisions made of alcohol (unfortunately I do mean horror stories) when I was much younger before I went teetotal and explained what could happen. The fact that only two weeks later she drank again is why I am angry this time. But deep down it’s not really anger, it’s fear. Fear that she will end up hurt or worse and the first I will know about it is a knock at the door. I have told her this too. I have shown her a news article where a father killed his baby after drinking dragon soop.

The DM has got back to me and she is horrified and mortified. She had no idea but the older sister admitted to buying it for them and the DM is dealing with it.

The problem with introducing alcohol to her gradually and safely is that neither I or her stepfather drink at all and don’t allow alcohol in the house. His parents are both alcoholics (his dm now deceased through alcohol) and I have alcoholics on my side so we both are teetotal.

So sorry OP 😢 Good action on the sleepovers etc but the much harder task is changing your DD’s attitude. I’m no expert but maybe research ways to do that. Is there anyway (volunteer work??!) that she can meet or observe ex-alcoholics and get a sense of what it does to the body? I know one who had constant shooting leg pain, doctor told him it was caused by past (very) heavy drinking and wasn’t fixable. Or maybe some documentaries? She’ll probably absorb information better if it’s not coming from you as teens don’t listen to parents so well...