To be sick of partner talking about colleague

[loophole]

Who he says is one of his best friends?
He and she have dinner, coffees, lunches outside or work hours, on their own. They have arranged meet ups to a shared interest, on their own.They have plans for the summer to attend events, on their own. Is it unreasonable or am I a jealous cow?
I'm bored listening to what an amazing person she is and how talented she is at work.
He isn't attracted to her and he hasn't introduced me to her.
She is single but many years his senior ..trying to avoid a drip feed.
They are colleagues and friends five years past.
AIBU?

[Stinkycatbreath]

I think if you have been together for less time than they have been friends then I would say she is just a friend. They have had plenty of time to get together prior to your arrival. Regardless of this I don't havr any friends with whom I have this much of an intense relationship male or female. I think you need to talk to him about balance.

[HeadachesByTheDozen]

OP you really need to smell the coffee. No one mentions someone that much unless there is something going on. He is quite clearly besotted with her and head over heels. Most women would have left him way before now. He is making it so blatant. Also don't go by looks, whatever you do. Men often 'downgrade' when they cheat, how many times have we all read about a man having an affair with a fatter and/or uglier woman? Believe me this guy is at the very, very least having an emotional affair. He is basically broadcasting it and is one step below it being sky-written in neon lights. I would leave and not entertain going back. His obsession, and that is what it is, an emotional obsession, with her is not normal at all, especially for a man in a relationship with someone else. You are the one who should be talking about all the time, you are the one whose phrases he should be using, you are the one he should be obsessing over. This is not normal behaviour in a relationship, on any conceivable level. On ANY level. Run (don't walk) now.

[hammeringinmyhead]

The point someone else made is a good one. If she is 48 (and was 43 when they met) that's beyond reasonable childbearing age. Yes, I know 43 is not that unusual but they would have had to have been together a while first.

[Bellyfullofbiscuits]

What do you think/ feel ?maybe you posted to confirm that an affair couldn't be possible ? The over whelming response is , something is up . It is a, he is having an affair or b, he is embarrassed in someway ,as to why you haven't met this fantastic friend, surely you being his soul mate and her being his very best friend ,he would be so excited for you two too meet ,no?

[Wallowinginfilth]

I think he wants her but he wants kids too. That's why he's with you.

[crispysausagerolls]

You don’t know if there is a spark
Between them
Because (bizarrely, after 19
Months), you have never seen them together!

[WaggleWiggle]

12 years is really not much at all and certainly not enough for you to decide to totally write off the idea that he could be attracted to her.

[managedmis]

Here we go again, another one at it

Same old tune

[MulticolourMophead]

I think he wants her but he wants kids too. That's why he's with you.

That's actually an interesting point. He's clearly besotted with her, but if she's late 40's she isn't going to be interested in having kids.

I revise my earlier suggestion. Don't bother with a conversation, just walk away because there'll always be 3 in your relationship.

[Oxo01]

This would not sit well with me, , if he speaks about settling down with you engaged / marriage etc, can you not say if we are planning a life together it would be nice to meet her as I'm sure you would want your friend to attend our wedding yet I do t Eve k is her.
Have you not asked why he has never arranged for her to met you ? ( May have missed it if you already said )
If no joy personally I would either go where he says they will be and watch from a distance and take it from there according to what you see.

[Oxo01]

Should say I dont even know her !

[GinDrinker00]

Walk away. He’s obsessed and three’s a crowd.

[StormBaby]

Anytime anyone has 'mentionitis', myself included in the past, it's because feelings are developing or are there. A sensible person would realise what was going on and reduce contact themselves. Been there many times with close male colleagues. If you stop 'watering the grass' at home, and do it elsewhere instead, it's fairly obvious what will happen.

[TheresGonnaBeARain]

If she’s such an important person in his life whose judgement he values so much then why hasn’t he introduced her to you?

Surely you introduce your best mate to your new potential life partner pretty early on? (Didn’t spot this detail earlier on.)

[Chocolateandchats]

This isn’t right. I’ve got close male friends which I’ve had since school and anyone I’ve been in a serious relationship has met them and got to know them. But my “go to person” is my DH and I’d be gutted if I wasn’t his. Walk away OP, he’s saying things to pacify you, you’d have met her if he thought you were long term.