To be sick of partner talking about colleague

[loophole]

Who he says is one of his best friends?
He and she have dinner, coffees, lunches outside or work hours, on their own. They have arranged meet ups to a shared interest, on their own.They have plans for the summer to attend events, on their own. Is it unreasonable or am I a jealous cow?
I'm bored listening to what an amazing person she is and how talented she is at work.
He isn't attracted to her and he hasn't introduced me to her.
She is single but many years his senior ..trying to avoid a drip feed.
They are colleagues and friends five years past.
AIBU?

[AtrociousCircumstance]

So she Is late forties? Yeah he doesn’t see her as maternal. Many relationships have age gaps like that. The age thing means nothing.

What you do know is their relationship is intense, intimate, he brims over with respect and emotion for her...

[loophole]

We spend most our f our down time together so I know when he is in her company. He is honest about when they meet and talks about her like he talks about his man friends.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

I would be very uncomfortable, it would be a deal breaker for me.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

So he enthuses in the same way about how talented and incredible his male friends are, and copies their mannerisms too?

[loophole]

Really?@AtrociousCircumstance 😔

[loophole]

He speaks well of all his friends but he copies her words and yes mannerisms too.He has received much advice from her on a variety of issues and always takes it on board.

[Qwerty543]

Mentionitis. My exH had this. Also didn't find colleague attractive and she was sleeping with someone else from work apparently. There was definitely an EA involved though as I found out they were messaging and he deleted everything from his phone when I asked to look so I never found out.

After we split he told me she had told him she liked him and he was flattered by the attention. He also mentioned a time he took her home that he failed the mention at the time as a reason for being late. I don't know if it was ever physical but itnwas definitely more than he ever admitted. And I'd say the same for any man in the same situation.

[CalleighDoodle]

have you posted about this before? It is very familiar.

[loophole]

We have spoken about marriage and children.He is very serious about our future.

[loophole]

No I haven't posted about this particular pickle but have nc'd to avoid being linked to other posts as it would be outing

[SummerWhisper]

12 or 13 years is not many years older. Perhaps she is a stunner, hence the reason he won't let you meet her. This is not healthy. He is making more room for their friendship than his relationship with you. She must be into him, too, to carry on as though you don't feature in his life. Grim.

[LoisWilkersonsLastNerve]

They sound like best friends and I wouldn't let your imagination run away without good reason. They've been friends for years why are they not a couple if she's single? Keep an eye out and try and meet her, you will only get a true picture if you see them together. Hoping it's innocent op.

[GabsAlot]

Im goin g against the grain a bit-yes it does sound a bit much but theyve been friends from before you were together-you cant tell people who to be friends with
do you live together

although not meeting her yet is a bit of a red flag

[ambereeree]

There was another post about this. Everyone told the OP to leave him.

[SummerWhisper]

Speaking about marriage and children with you, whilst at the same time planning to spend a lot of time with this woman and excluding you, is pure manipulation.

[attatiti]

He is honest about when they meet and talks about her like he talks about his man friends.

If he talks about her like he talks about his man friends, I don’t think I would be too worried.

[PixieDustt]

He fancies her imo.
She is his 'go to' person... you haven't met her and until you have I wouldn't believe a word he says.
What's the reason he's so close to her and blah blah yet he won't introduce you to her.. 🚨

[Allthecandles]

I agree with the people saying you shouldn’t jump to conclusions. I’m a female in a heterosexual relationship of 16 years. 90% of my work colleagues are male because I work in tech. I go out with them a lot. Lunches, evenings. I even used to work night shifts only with men and my parter has always trusted me completely and I don’t see how the reverse is different. I give him a lot of credit for trusting in me and our relationship I don’t think that is effortless.
My bottom line opinion is that trusting that someone has committed their life to you in (upcoming potential) marriage is more reasonable than not trusting someone who has close work friends, AS LONG AS he hasn’t broken your trust previously.
I understand that might be harder than doubt and accusation but certainly the fairer position for a partner who has so far treated you well so far.

[HollowLegss]

They've been friends way longer than you two have been together. I assume if they had been interested in pursuing a relationship then they probably had plenty of opportunities before you came on the scene.

It sounds like they're very good friends, but not necessarily more than that. I doubt you would have felt threatened by their close friendship of she hadn't been female.

[VenusTiger]

He sounds obsessed from what you're saying OP. Also, yes he's half to blame, it takes 2 blah-blah, but what the heck is SHE playing at! She's single but he's married - does she have any idea about you in this? You say he's known her for five years, and he spends all this time with her, at work is enough of his time, but out of work too! She's sees him more than you do OP? How, or more to the point, why haven't you met her?
You can fall in love with someone without the physical attraction you know.
So sorry OP, I think it's unhealthy for your relationship.

[Enchiladas]

Yanbu OP this would drive me nuts. And 13 years isn't that big an age gap. I'd be very concerned he has feelings for her. It's disrespectful of him to talk so much about another woman when he's in a relationship with you. I hope he shows you a bit more respect.

[Womenwotlunch]

I would be worried about the fact that he won’t let you meet her.

[VenusTiger]

Ignore the married bit - it's very late and I'm tired. She sounds like a tease anyway.

[LorenzoStDubois]

I'd want to see what she looks like, but then I'm like that.
I'd find out where they are meeting next and then just turn up.

Then I'd dump him once I'd seen her, whether she's a "stunna" or not.

Fuck that shit.
Move on, you can do better than this.

[stellabelle]

My ex did the same - " she's unattractive, she's just a friend from work, we just have common interests, I'm not attracted to her". But he talked about her all the time, quoted her opinion on everything.

Turned out they were having a full-on affair, and they dramatically left their marriages for each other.

Don't believe what he is saying about her. The age difference is irrelevant, just look at what he is saying and doing. And stop telling yourself that you are being jealous, as if that is a bad thing. Take care, OP.