I've NCd
I've been with my DH for 4 years. We have a DD (1) and I have an older DD (7).
I'm not sure quite how to explain this. We both grew up in quite disfunctional families where our DFs were abusive. Very strict and DV with our DMs. We are both very against violence - wouldn't lay a finger on the DC and he says he'd never lay a finger on me (and hasn't). Despite us being able to look at our backgrounds and realise we don't want the same I think we both have some ingrained thoughts/behaviour that we do without thinking. For example I can be quite critical about the house not being super-tidy when I get stressed. He says things to me sometimes which sound to me like 'his dad talking' if that makes sense - in that they are things his dad would say to him and his mum. Sometimes he will tell me to do things (usually out of genuine caring for me like making sure I take my medication) and if I don't do it he'll say to me 'do as you're told'. If we get into a disagreement he will sometimes tell me to 'behave myself'. Tbh I grew up with my DF telling my DM, me and siblings this too so in the moment it doesn't strike me as odd and I will usually back down. But obviously looking at it from a different perspective later on I think it could be seen as him being controlling/treating me like a child. The thing is I haven't actually raised it with him and this sounds really silly but I feel a bit embarrased about it and like he'll say 'well if you behaved and did what you were told I wouldn't have to say it'. Even though I think we're both good at discussing things and noticing behaviour/patterns we don't like and working to change. I have to admit when stressed I can regress and act quite child like so maybe I invite it? I just wanted insight as to - would this worry you? Is this behaviour I really should deal with to keep our relationship healthy? I sometimes struggle to know what is 'normal' or not due to my upbringing, I think.