AIBU to not go to the hen weekend?

[Schuyler]

I don’t want to go to a hen weekend but I am close friends with the bride. It’s a weekend abroad and it is expensive. At a push, I could afford it but it’s a stretch. It’s money I’d rather spend on my children, if I’m honest.

The other problem is I’m physically disabled and it’s a big group of people who I don’t really know, except my friend. Reasonably, I cannot expect them to tailor a hen weekend to my needs which I wouldn’t expect. I would go (and have gone) to other hen weekends when I’ve known people well enough to ask if anyone is able to push my wheelchair or various other issues. I don’t want to look like a total bitch when I’ve gone to other people’s. :(

I know my friend will be upset, so WIBU to decline? I’m still a bit undecided.

You wouldn’t be at all unreasonable, all factors considered. I think Hen does abroad are always unnecessary and ask too much of people. Say you’re so sorry and you’d love to be there, but it’s not possible for you physically or financially, and you hope she’ll have a great time.

Yanbu at all Op

Shes your mate, she will understand. Big hen dos are not everyone's cup of tea.

It's a no brainer. Anyone who organises an expensive hen do abroad will have to expect that not everyone can afford to go.

Your reasons for not going are perfectly valid.

Why don't you suggest a meal out with her at home instead?

She's no friend at all if she gets upset. It's cheeky AF and a real pisstake to expect people to go on these bloody expensive hen do's away/abroad.

I'd decline now. 'Thanks for inviting me but I'm going to be unable to make it. Hope you understand.'

I wouldn’t go.

Is she having a family friendly type hen do back home that her mum, nan, aunties etc can go to?

If so that’s your ideal chance to spend time with her I’m more comfortable and affordable surroundings so you can relax and enjoy.

If she says she wasn’t planning to, you could offer to help if she’s up for it? Just make sure she knows you can’t afford to pay for it.
It could be in her house, everyone brings a dish of food to share buffet style, those who are drinking bring a bottle. You could get the soft drinks in and some download some fun game ideas from the internet. A few pound shop bridal items and you’re good to go. There’s prob plenty advice on MN about how to throw a hen party!

Thank you for the thoughts.

I’ve been wavering because I’ve been to another slightly cheaper hen weekend recently, although it was much more accessible to my physical needs.

In my circle, it’s generally expected that you go to hens even if expensive. People must earn loads more than me! It’s crazy, who has £200 to 300 odd quid to spend on multiple hen weekends.

I would absolutely do something for her instead, a nice meal or afternoon tea or something equally nice.

'I would absolutely do something for her instead, a nice meal or afternoon tea or something equally nice.'

Perfect idea

YANBU anyone who expects all their hens to attend a hen do abroad is unreasonable, I tried to keep my hen to under £100 a head including accommodation and activities and reasonably local. Xxx

I also made sure my physically disabled friend (a good friend from uni's wife) was catered for and invited one of her friends (who I didn't know at the time) to attend my hen do because she wanted someone she knew to share her room since she felt a bit vulnerable.

All my hens were also free to drop in and out of any activities and spend time back at the hotel instead. Xxx

I would not have been upset if any of the hens I invited decided they couldn't make it though especially if the reason was cost, health or vulnerability. X

I think you sound lovely to be so concerned about upsetting your friend when it must be such a struggle getting about in a wheelchair - that must be so hard just every normal day, never mind going abroad.
She will understand if she’s a good friend.

I had an abroad hen weekend and I know they are expensive so I wasn't offended when people weren't able to come. Although what really did offend me was people saying they were coming, paying the £25 deposit and then changing their mind for various reasons and dropping out meaning the price went up for everyone else. I much more respected the friends who were honest with me and said they wouldn't be able to come from the start. I think you have a good enough reason OP so your friend shouldn't be mad.

@ShesGotBetteDavisEyes thank you. I’ve only recently started using a wheelchair when out and about, so trying to navigate the world isn’t easy but I’m sure I’ll get used to it.

I had this , friend was having hen which involved travel , at the time we had just done a lot of work on our house and I was helping with nieces as my brother was very ill so really couldn't afford the time or the money to do it . I didn't go and it drove a wedge in our friendship but I found we had Just grown apart anyway as we were at different stages of life . Your friend will understand but expect that she could be a bit upset