To not let DD have Instagram.

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

My DD is in yr 6 and one of the oldest (sept birthday) and we gave her a phone in sept. All going well. She is sensible and trustworthy and does come to me if there's anything she's not sure about.

We have allowed her on WhatsApp on the understanding her phone will be checked regularly.

Fb, snapchat, Insta etc all no as they are aimed at 13+.

She has told (and shown me using my insta account) that the vast majority of her friends use insta and she is being left out. She is begging for it.

I've said I will think about it but it's likely to be no.

Her response was to show me that 90% of her friends insta accounts are private and that I can follow her to monitor what she does and who she allows to follow her.

I'm torn as her arguments seem reasonable and she's not asked for any other social media app. WWYD? AIBU to say no? I am mindful that fitting in gets more important as she gets older.

DD (age 12) has Instagram and has only just had it. I let her have it because school post quite a lot there. At the moment I am happy with what she looks at - a few friends and lots of Harry Potter stuff. She doesn't post except pics of BILs dog etc. As with everything it depends on how it is used and I do have a check on it and have conversations with her about it.

YANBU. DD is 13 and doesn't have it. Thankfully she doesn't want to waste half her life on that trash so I have no arguments from her

My children didn't even have a phone then. It's fine. Don't be peer pressured into it...

WhatsApp is 16 so I wouldn’t even have that.
I think it’s wise to keep them off social media for a long as possible. It adds nothing to their lives and their brains and emotional development aren’t ready for it yet.

In my experience as a year 5 teacher, as soon as social media is introduced the playground politics become magnified. The children are able to contact one another 24/7 and minimal issues become big ones because social media becomes a big part of the child life.
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If you value your child's innocence... keep of social media! It's a fast track to teenage in every way attitude included*

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This 100%

I stick to the age rules on these apps. My dd is very often the only one of her friends that doesn't have them (although I'm fairly sure that's not true). But she knows the rules now and doesn't bother too much. She only hit a phone when she started secondary school and even then she was probably only one of a few without a phone in primary school

I thought I was doing all the right things with my DD - subsequently found out that she had one main Insta account that I was able to look at, but had started several more that I only found out about by chance!

This. Happened here, too.

Also, letting kids on TikTok is insane - have you spent any time on there? It's full of young women complaining of 'old' men making lewd suggestions to them in their DMs... Browse for a while then think that anyone can browse the platform, which includes sex-workers promoting their 'special fans' paid-for content.

We have allowed her on WhatsApp on the understanding her phone will be checked regularly.

Ah whatsapp.

Leaves no trace of the people you've messaged on your phone or bill

Sms Texts show up on an itemised bill and WhatsApp does not. It can be deleted without w trace and so can the calls

Sleep tight

My DD is year 5 and absolutely no way will she even be having a phone before high school, much less any social media accounts.

One of my cousin's dc has had Instagram since age 11 and all her pics and poses are terrifying - loads and loads of pouty, open mouthed, filtered, mirror staring pics. They copy what they see, and what they see is sexualised, appearance-obsessed rubbish.

The age guides are there for a reason imo

Stunned you'd even consider it.

No chance

Please don't. My DSD got it when she was 11. It's been nothing but trouble and I genuinely believe has been very damaging to her. I've made my feelings clear but not much more I can do, just stand by and watch when incidents keep happening.
No child needs to be on social media.

@Surfer25 your post comes across horribly. Grow up.

Perhaps the parents should grow up.

Asking strangers if they should let a 10 year old have instagram after thinking that whatsapp is safe when it is untraceable once deleted so she can hide what she likes.

When did people stop being able to make decisions

Thanks for all posts. Just caught up.

WRT whatsapp I have no idea what people use it for that makes it 16+. For us, as a family, ie aunts uncles cousins etc we all have groups to chat in about family get together etc. We all use it as an enhanced texting service. DD is allowed to add selected friends that DH and I know and I read every single message she gets and she knows I do.

I think I'll hold fast on insta. I have it but literally use it once a week to post pics of my cats 😂

Most of her friends have private accounts but a close friend who is a deputy head has allowed her 11 yr old to have it open. One of her followers is called 'hit or shit' and encourages people to message photos of themselves. I really don't know what she's thinking of. Must have a chat.

A hard no from me. I’d also be reporting all her friends accounts to insta so they get booted off the site too. It isn’t for children and there are men who will seek out children to groom and worse.

One question I have about Instagram (as I don't use it much). If someone's account is private, is the concern more about the non private accounts they view plus bullying etc from followers they have allowed.

Have I got that right? Just so I've got my ducks in a row.

Yes bullying from followers plus pressure to confirm. So posed selfies, getting desperate for likes and suffering low self esteem if they don't get as many likes as they want. Pictures that they might regret posting being screenshot and shared. That's just the basic worries.

WhatsApp is a concern as well as like a pp said every message can be deleted without a trace.

If your dd has a smartphone she can open an Instagram account and hide it from you anyway by not keeping the app on her phone. Be cautious. It's such a worry nowadays and one that our generation don't really know how to deal with as we're the first generation to have to deal with it iyswim. Good luck and stand your ground.

My daughter has tiktok obsessed with it. Max filters all kids her class are onit. No chance insta or snapchat kids kill them.selfs from it. On tiktok its private so only her friends can like videos and cannot comment. She also doesnt add anyone. My dd is 10 yr5

Hun I'm in my 20's and don't have insta 🤫 social media is the devils work honestly, keep her of as long as you possibly can!

When my kids are older I think ill pay them to stay of it 😂

When she does go on it use an email you can be logged into so you get notified of everything!

People actually think TicTok is better?

I will stand my ground. My concern is DD is a 'good girl'. She works hard, does the right thing. Struggles to fit in sometimes as she's seen as a nerd.

And the reward for this is not getting something that, as far as I can see, 75% of her friends 'trendy' parents will allow.

I think all I can do is be ultra honest and tell her exactly why and hope it's enough.

@Onetwothreeeee in an era where researchers develop dick pic filter algorithms and chatbot AI has to be turned off in less than a day as it can't stop suggesting beating women to death, um yeah the internet does have a problem with women. Like society really.

You can rest easy as kids can actually be raised without internet, or at least most of the preceding generations muddled through somehow. I mean there were still unattainable images presented and bullying but at least pre-internet era they weren't in an unlimited supply accessible 24/7

I think I'll hold fast on insta. I have it but literally use it once a week to post pics of my cats

I gave my DD my (never used) Instagram account when she was in Y6 and one of the only children in her year without it. It meant that I could always see exactly what she was posting and who was posting back to her (logged in on my phone as well as hers).

It was the perfect compromise and it meant I could keep a much better eye on her.

She’ll be 15 soon and it’s still in place, I hardly ever check these days but she knows I’m still there.

Now snapchat on the other hand...

This has been the hardest part of parenting for us bar baby toddler stage.

Dd1 good girl hard working etc. We obviously banned all sm. By end year 7 she frequently came to us in tears all her friends on insta plans made that way etc. We held firm. Found her in tears a few times. Felt excluded etc We gave in in the end.

Think it’s easier if your child not particularly social or whose friends aren’t on it my neighbours dd isn’t on it and has no interest. Lucky them. But would be interested to hear if the “absolutely not” brigade would have held firm in our situation?

I've had a conversation with my oldest. I've talked about how when I was younger, I often felt my parents were too strict and said no to things other parents agreed to and that that made me feel like the square one or meant I was left out of trips to the park etc as I wasn't allowed to go after dark like the others. I've also told her how I realised as I got older it would have been easier for them to have just said yes, they could have had a quiet evening without a row and a stroppy tween shouting at them. I absolutely appreciate that I had parents who cared enough to have the row and keep my safe, and I will be that parent too, because they're too precious for me to knowingly put them in danger.

I completely resent that parenting pressure comes mostly from those who have given risks no thought, and you end up having to make decisions based on the lack of decision making from others.

I feel there's a real issue with phones/screens and social media amongst parents though. These are no longer seen as nice to haves or luxuries and taking them away is seen as unacceptable deprivation by some. And yet we know the real harm that can occur - we wouldn't give drink, drugs or access to vehicles to children too young to handle the risks but we somehow feel we can't say no to Internet access which can have long term harmful effects of great magnitude.