For feeling guilty for not working all my hours

[PiafPilaf]

I am very lucky to have a flexible job - I have a few core hours every week I need to be in the office for but otherwise as long as I don’t get behind they don’t mind when and where I do my work. Currently 23 weeks pregnant with DC2 and having an awful time - I’m still being sick every morning, I have horrendous chronic heartburn, SPD has come back (waiting for a physio referral) so it’s painful to walk, and the pain often wakes me in the night. To top it all off I’ve been ill recently, first with a stomach bug and second with a cold (which I now suspect is turning into a chest infection).

I have a lovely boss but I can’t help feeling so frustrated that I can’t do more beyond the few core hours. Because it’s the sort of place where nobody really checks up on you unless they get wind of things going wrong (we all have separate offices and it’s normal to not see anyone else all day!) I feel like I’m somehow hoodwinking them, and like I should just somehow toughen up and get through it. Having said that, yesterday I spent the entire train journey to work trying not to faint or throw up, struggled with the walk from the station, and had to lie down in my office to recover for half an hour before I could do anything.

I have autism, which doesn’t help as I feel a bit adrift with too much autonomy and no set times / rules, which is why I’m asking on here as I lack the ability to work out what is reasonable! So - Aibu to feel guilty and it’s understandable to not be doing it all, or should I be feeling bad and therefore try to do more?

You must be getting the job done or surely your manager would have said something?

I had this with my first pregnancy. My manager took me to one side and spelt out very clearly that I was not always pregnant and they could cut me some slack while I was.
I had more than made up for it before and after the pregnancy.

It really stayed with me because sometimes we all have bad days/weeks/9 months but they are not all the time.

Why would you feel bad? Go easy on yourself OP!

YANBU to feel bad but i’m sure you’ve worked overtime in the past, even just 15 mins here and there. If your employer were happy to take that then they should be fine with you doing a bit less now.

“ UK companies claimed £32.7 billion of free labour last year because of workers’ doing unpaid overtime.”

Let’s not forget that we have very few rights, employers can dismiss anyone at any time. They might dress it up as redundancy.

I do not feel at all bad for employers!

Are you taking the rest of the time as sick leave or just not doing work? I would say there’s no issue with taking sick leave if your struggling, but if aren’t working your required hours /days in the week but no saying anything then that is a problem!

What is it you do? Sounds like the perfect job!

I’ve had many jobs before with little to do. I still worked my hours and nothing was ever said. Working from home I would log in and ensure I was contactable for the required 9-5 period. I still “did my hours” but there was little work to be done! I’ve also sat in a dingy basement office on a military base in another non job. I was there was 4 weeks over the summer when all the military were on summer leave. I took in my iPad as there was no work to do and only a handful of people around. I also “worked from home” with my laptop too but there was no work to do!

Do what you can. Don't worry about the rest. Overtime tends to work out in flexible jobs. Sometimes I'll work through lunch, or have extra travel for meetings/conferences etc. Sometimes I'll leave a little early or arrive a little late. It all works out in the end.

I also had horrendous sickness with both my pregnancies and there were times that with the best will in the world it was just not physically possible to get to work on time as I was too busy vomiting to drive.

And just because someone is in the office, doesn't necessarily they are working their hours. Lots of colleagues talk about tv shows, bf/gf/DH/DW/DC/DP issues, traffic, weather, hobbies, books, music, holidays etc for HOURS when they're in the office.

@Racoonworld That’s part of the problem - I’m not on sick leave as I’m still doing the core hours, and I have a weird contract that doesn’t really specify annual leave or sick leave! I’m not at all trying to hide it and my boss says she’s happy with what I’m doing but I can’t shake the guilt! I’m a compulsive rule-follower...

@Littlepeak34 Without being too specific, I work in academia (and am also partly freelance, which is less of a guilt thing because when I don’t do that work I don’t get paid!)

when I was ill in pregnancy my boss gave me less to do as I was struggling like you.

as long as you've been up front with your boss and they're fine, you've got permission not to work extra.

maybe look into anti sickness meds.

When you say core hours, do you mean you have a set number of additional hours to do but you can decide where you do them? Or you just have to get a certain amount of work done and it doesn't matter how long it takes, as long as you are working the core hours.

In any case, if you have permission from your boss it's fine. If you are not working the hours you are being paid for and not telling anyone, then I do think that's a bit of an issue.

I worked for a large national health charity during my first pregnancy, had all the same issues you’ve had, and undiagnosed preeclampsia, I was visibly ill and they put me on disciplinary. I even made up the time for my physio and hospital appointments and they still gave absolutely no shits.

I remember being told no I couldn’t get a cab to carry the 5 boxes of committee papers to our other office.

I wish now that I had taken my maternity leave early and left them so they dodnt upset me further. Could you do that if you feel too ill to work?