To think nursery should have told me first?

[Idontknowwhat2do]

Next week we have a social services meeting and this morning they brought out their report. They had to ask my DDs nursery about how she's been since starting in January. Their comments were

"DD is described by her nursery teacher as bright. She knows her colours and numbers but struggles making eye contact with adults, listening to adults instructions. She also struggles with routines and not always able to focus on tasks at nursery. A SENCO was asked to observe DD in nursery as staff query if she has autistic traits."

DD has only just turned 2 and has only been at the nursery about 6 weeks. I ask every day if she's been okay and if there are any issues that day and they have never once raised any concerns about her to me. Let alone told me that they've asked a SENCO to observe her. If they have genuine concerns then okay, but she is still only a toddler and I think as her mother is should be informed about this! Am I being unreasonable being upset by this?

Yes they absolutely should have shared this with you, that’s expected practice unless there was a risk to sharing information. I think you should take the report and ask them about it first, just to double check that the way the SW represented things in the report is how they said it. And then ask for explanation as to why this wasn’t shared.

I'm an EYFS teacher, the nursery is completely out of order, they should not have got a SENCO to observe your child without your permission. It's appalling that you first read something as serious as that they suspect autism with no support - this should have been delivered in person, face to face. And re your last comment, they should also be telling you about toilet/nappies and food. I would definitely speak to them, and you could also consult OFSTED.

Good luck to you, I hope you're getting all the support you need x

Early diagnosis of Autism or any SEND is really beneficial to the child and will save you as a parent alot of stress later down the line. It is unclear to me if the SENCO request was due to concerns from the nursery or a request from social services. If it was the later the nursery could reasonably assume that you knew about it from them or even requested it yourself. Observation from a SENCO is not a big deal, it's literally casse of another staff member who is trained in recognising traits of various common childhood disabilities and differentiating them from normal age appropriate standards. It would have been nice if they mentioned it, but honestly sounds like a miscommunication and you would be unreasonable to make it a massive deal, I'd just mention it at your next meeting in terms of you were surprised to read that there is some concern over traits of autism as it hasn't been mentioned before.

This is absolutely not the correct way to bring up any mention of autistic traits.

Yanbu at all. It is very poor practice not to inform a child's parent that such concerns have been raised and what has been done in response to them.

On the face of it it seems odd. I would say many 2 years have issues following instructions, and focusing on tasks 2 year olds are very good at ignoring people and going on their own way if they want to! Also the nursery certainly should have told you if they thought there were any issues. It sounds as though they are not great at communicating.
Do you have any support at home?

Is the nursery aware of your mental health issues? Perhaps they didn't tell you as SS are involved trying to work out what's in the best interests of your DC.

I hope everything gets better soon for you all.