Not attending destination wedding

[imfine]

I've missed my childhood best friend's destination wedding. DH thinks I should have gone. It's in south east Asia and it wasn't possible for all of us to go so I would have had to go by myself. I'm glad I decided not to due to now the corona virus outbreak. When I was invited, obviously we didn't know about this. But now looking at the photos, it looked amazing and i kind of wish (a little bit) I was there. A last minute ticket would have been fine financially but if I had gone, I would have to come back to self quarantine for 2 weeks. I can't really miss that much work.

A bit of background: when I received the invitation, I really thought about it but decided to decline. We don't really see each other much. I moved away from home town a long long time ago. If I'm back in the area we try to meet up. They have only come to me a couple of times. She was my bridesmaid over 10 years ago and always said that I'd be hers. But now that the time came round, I haven't been asked. I understood that as she has a different friendship group now with people she is close to. On the hen do, I met the bridesmaids who were lovely. But unexpectedly, what seemed like an after thought, she told me that if I had been going out to the wedding, she would make me bridesmaid. Kind of implied that she didn't ask me as she knew I wasn't going to be there so there was no point. But now I'm a bit because, surely this conversation would have happened before even the invitation stage if she really meant what she said. For our wedding, We took her out for a meal to ask her, she was one of the first friends to know we were engaged.
Anyway, the hen do was a bit chaotic, timings, locations and activities kept changing. I was the only from out of town so changes affected me more, having to rearrange where I'm staying at last minute etc. I thought at that time, flying to a random country by myself where I didn't know anyone and where schedules might change constantly, would be too stressful. It sealed the decision then.
I still don't really regret the decision, but looking through FB pics and telling DH they all look amazing, he thinks I just talked myself out of it and only came up with the reasons above to justify it all.
AiBU to have missed it for those reasons above?

I was once asked to be a bridesmaid, I agreed and then some months later was told the wedding was to be a destination wedding on another continent. I thought that was really unfair as I would only go to a destination wedding if it was a place I wanted to visit for a holiday - time off it too precious. I think it’s sensible to establish who can come before choosing bridesmaids.

I think your friend knows you very well and foresaw you struggling with your decision. I’m guessing you tend to reflect and dwell on the negative when you do. If you did go, most likely the sunshine wouldn’t have outweighed your worries and you’d be kicking yourself for having gone, now dwelling about possibly catching the virus.

Also, wedding pics are meant to look amazing and fantastic! It’s the ultimate insta moment. It doesn’t mean the wedding was as amazing as the pics make it out.

It's natural to feel you missed out when you see the flashy social media photos. If you had gone it would be a massive hassle and you'd probably feel awkward like you did on the hen night. I would just move on now.

I had destination wedding, I didn’t ask bridesmaids until friends and family had RSVP as to not put pressure on those that didn’t come, for whatever reason. My best friend of 20 years couldn’t come- no problem. We are still best friends, she came on my hen party, no questions asked. Weddings abroad are beautiful, it’s natural to feel like you missed out, especially as there were no real barriers (financial etc) stopping you from going. At the time it wasn’t right for you and that’s that.

My bff and I live in different countries too. Due to different circumstances, we both didn't attend each other's weddings. It sucks not having her with me on my wedding day, and it sucks not being there for her on hers, but we both understand and not let it affect our friendship. I know that if we could, we would totally have been there for each other on such a special day.

It definitely sucks not being in her photos and sharing happiness with her, but there's nothing for you to do except treasure future experiences together.

And I think she didn't ask you to be a bridesmaid bc she didn't want to put the pressure on you, what with travelling expenses and all.

Where was the wedding?

I wouldn’t have attended the hen night if not going to the wedding, it would have sent the wrong message to the bride.

I’ve declined several destination weddings as I personally don’t feel them worth the time and money to attend and if the couple wanted everyone with them to celebrate they wouldn’t have picked a destination wedding imo.

You made decision that was right for you at the time. Now you're doubting your decision because of what your OH thought you should do. Come on - stop, you made a decision, it's fine, leave it, move on, tell you're OH it's done. End.