To think work to personal will only be bad

[Itsnotquiteright]

For the last 15years I've spoken to someone let's call him Bob, at least twice a day, often more over the phone. This is all through work but the nature of the work means that often we are on the phone waiting for the computer to give us an answer so we chat. We've talked about everything in 15years, one night stands, dating, health, family, meeting our partners, marriage, infertility, birth, depression, family issues, loss of a parent it's endless. I feel like I love him and he has been a massive part of my life, I guess he is my best friend, in as far as I tell him stuff that I couldn't tell others and I believe it's reciprocal. Both our spouse know about each other as a work husband /wife. All good. However
He is leaving for another job and now wants us to share personal details so we can keep up the friendship. I don't know why but this doesn't feel right, aibu to stop the friendship?

Why doesnt it feel right. Do the 4 of you meet up socially or is this just phone calls between you and Bob. Does your dh and his wife know you are in love with Bob and share such personal information with each other.

Have you ever met him? Has he built this telephone friendship into as big a deal as you have? Why don't you have a best friend who is actually there? If you exchange numbers and go for a drink, will one of you be angling for more? Why have you left it this long - when you surely could easily have said how about lunch or a drink after work?

Isn’t this how Gavin and Stacey met???

Strange that you have been in touch for so long without meeting. Surely it would be a pity to lose the friendship completely.

What do you mean by 'work husband/wife'?

I've heard the expression before but I'm not totally sure what it means.

I've never met him in person, yes certainty my husband knows and I believe his now wife does, its a weird set up but not felt uncomfortable as was within work, I feel if it was personal it would be wrong.

I think you are over reacting and it's not odd at all, intact I think it's quite nice! But do what makes you feel comfortable, maybe it is best left as it is if you don't feel right about it....

You think you love him? How's your marriage, that you're so hung up on someone you've never met?

I don't think YABU to end the friendship as the dynamic change will happen naturally, however, I can see how he might be hurtful to him if badly managed as you have shared a lot with each other. I reckon you will both miss this relationship but if it's in any way healthy you will both move on, your inclination to cut it off now suggests this is the case for you anyway. I predict that if you try to stay in touch socially the connection will drift over time. I'd let that happen if it were me and you'll be down to exchanging Christmas cards in a few years.

Seems a shame to throw away a 15 year friendship. I'd keep in touch.

So you even know what he looks like?
Do you have any mutual acquaintances?
He could have been spinning you lies for 15 years!!!

I know its weird, you are right it could all be lies, no mutual friends, not picture, I'm not on social media so never looked him up.
I will miss him, I don't think it's weird at the moment as we have to be in contact, choosing to be in contact seems. Different.

I'd offer a home email address or suggest you connect via linked in. What is the worst that could happen?

I don’t think it’s weird at all. I would keep in touch.

Would you find it odd if he were a woman? Friendship is valuable. Maybe he doesn't want to lose yours. Give him your Linked in if you want to stay professional or your FB details if you'd like to stay in touch socially.

I think it's important to listen to your instinct and understand what it's telling you.

It sounds like you've experienced a very intimate friendship, which has grown out of being in regular phone contact with someone in an anonymous way. That's very liberating and it's understandable you've shared so much. It's understandable you've grown to love him (whether in a friendship sense or a romantic sense).

It sounds like for you this level of intimacy with another person isn't compatible with your marriage. You didn't seek it out, it grew innocently out of a work situation, you always had the safety of it being held by the boundaries of work. But your instinct says if you pursue the friendship on a non-work basis, you're crossing a line you don't feel is right.

Listen to your instincts, which are telling you where your boundary lines are. Do you want to stay within your current boundaries or step over the line? Choose intentionally what you want - investing in your marriage and putting aside anything you feel might hinder that - or choosing to explore the friendship further. But make it an intentional choice based on knowing your own boundaries.

If it feels weird not unreasonable.

When you stop working with someone things often fizzle out.

Could you give him an e-mail address? If it feels awkward you can also tell him at a later date.