Ex-DH and contact with daughter.

[MisfitNinja]

I'm aware this isn't a AIBU but not sure where else to post. I'm at the end of my tether and need to vent and seek unbiased/unemotional advice.

Myself and Ex have been separated 4 years. We have a 6 year old DD. He has had a number of relationships in this time. I'm talking 5 or 6 and introduced every gf to our DD.

The change of routine going to stay over night with her dad every other weekend was too unsettling for our DD so now he sees her for 3 hours every Saturday or Sunday. I'm aware this is more than some children get.

He doesn't pay maintenance for dd and makes no effort to see her any extra.

He's current girlfriend seems nice and has 2 dc fairly close in age to dd.

The thing that's really winding me up is he has taken this week off work (it's half term here) to spend with his gf and her children (he has been with this girlfriend 3 months) but hasn't made any effort to see his own child any extra.

You need to put an application in to the CMS for maintenance. He has a responsibility to ensure he is paying what he should be.

Sadly no one can force him to be a df. A reluctant one is no good for your dd imo. Contact Cms and leave him to it. She has 1 stable good parent op. That's really all you can do.

Why doesn't he pay maintenance? Unfortunately, you can't make him want to see his daughter more than he already does. Have you ever had a 'school holiday' agreement? Who decided the overnights were too unsettling for her?

Who stopped the every other weekend stays with her dad?

She only sees her dad for three hours a week?!

My friends ex did this, he would only have the kids every other Saturday for on night so in total less then 24 hours in 14 days. He would also take time off in the school holidays and never try's to spend any time with them. Never even offered to pick them up from school ever.
Some men are not meant to be fathers.
You shoulda definitely put in for child maintenance though.

I stopped the over night contact. Everytime he was coming to collect her she was screaming and crying and clinging on to me. Not wanting to go. This was everytime he came to collect her. He was just stand on the doorstep effing and blinding.

It all came to a head in August when she was crying and saying she didn't want to go and he shouted 'fuck this! I'm not doing this anymore!' And stormed off down the garden path.

He didn't see her for 6 weeks after that until I approached him and suggested he sees her for a few hours every weekend and gradually build it up. Since she's only been going for an little play' she's been happier going but always reluctant at pick up and asks me what time she's coming home.

I just resent that he posts on social media acting like the perfect father and playing happy families with someone else's kids but makes absolutely no effort with his own.

@strawberry2017 he used to only have her every other Saturday night. He'd collect her at about 1pm on the Saturday and bring her back at 4pm on the Sunday.

He really is having a laugh isn't he - sees his child 3 hours a week and pays nothing toward her upkeep. I think I contributed more to my nephew's life at that age - both in time and in money.

As they say, you can't make a silk purse from a pig's ear. He is a crap father and likely won't change.

But you can try to get maintenance from him - you probably won't get much but I wouldn't let him off the hook. Apply to cms

I don't understand why he's not paying maintenance - you really should pursue that. Even if you don't need the cash right now, you could stick it in an account for your DD's future. He has a responsibility towards her which he can't just ignore completely and a CMS claim might be a good reminder of that.

You can’t make him be a decent dad, but you can make him contribute financially.

Did you ever explore why she was so violently opposed to spending time with him? It sounds extreme - I would be concerned.

In your shoes, I would call CMS. Be happy that he backed down from the overnight stays, and be thankful he isn't your problem anymore.

It just makes me feel so sad for my dd that he behaves likes this and I can't understand it.

Also, my anxiety ridden brain decides it doesn't have enough to stress and worry about and is worrying about what would happen to her if something happened to me.

My ex-husband is in her birth certificate. I have a new husband if 2 years who adores my dd and she adores him. He's there for all her plays, parents evenings and appointments and I worry if I die would dd automatically go to her dad or would my husband have a chance of custody.

He is trying to impress his girlfriend. He doesn't give a stuff about her kids, he just wants her to think he is great. She probably does right now, but she will realise he is full of shit and go the same way as the other 5 or 6 girlfriends. He is missing out on his child, but it doesn't sound like your dd is missing him at all. You are doing a great job.

why On earth is he not paying maintenance. That is your daughter’s money he is effectively stealing.

Would he be open to an adoption by your husband? Nothing really changes for him, the small visits can carry on, and nothing to pay, but more security for you, and for your daughter as she grows up and realises more.