To ask you should I make an effort even though I'm exhausted?

[Boredbumhead]

It is a colleagues birthday today and he has asked the department to join him for a drink in a pub at 8pm tonight. I originally said I would go but I have felt exhausted and anxious and freezing all day. AIBU to bail out? I feel so unreliable. But just want a hot bath and to curl up alone with a book. WWYD?

Would you be going straight from the office or have to go back out after getting home?

Straight from the office I'd pop in for one on the way home but make it a hot chocolate if you're feeling cold.
Expected to go back out after getting home I'd just apologise and say you're not feeling great.

I totally don't blame you, but if I could I would go just for one. However if I knew loads of people were definitely going I probably wouldn't.

Agree if straight from work I'd pop in but wouldn't be going back out if I felt that rough- sounds like you're coming down with something.

YANBU, just talk to him (if you're still at work) or send a simple message (if you're not) and say sorry but you're not up to it and you hope he has a great time.

I mean this kindly but colleagues don't really care if you're there or not, it's not as if you're letting down a close friend. I mean I enjoy chatting with my colleagues but wouldn't be heartbroken if any of them couldn't come out for a drink (sorry guys!)

So prioritise your needs and have a cosy night in.

I'm at home now so I would have to go out again. It's warm and cozy and I have the house to myself. It's soo peaceful. As I don't have the kids tonight I feel I should go out. But to be honest I also get a bit nervous going out to a pub on my own. I have to find somewhere to park and then just have a tiny drink or else organise a taxi.

If you've said you'll go, you should show your face. It's awful when you're expecting people and they bail out at the last minute for no real reason.

You're probably not the only one who, when it comes to it, would rather have a night in, because these days when people say 'yes' to an invitation it really means 'yes, if I can be arsed on the day and I don't get a better offer.'

You don't have to stay for long, just turn up.

You've said you'd go, I would go.

@Pumpkintopf I don't think I'm ill. I just got soaking wet walking to meetings today and haven't warmed up yet. I also have a massive workload so can't relax tonight.

8pm is too late for work drinks on a week night for me - fair enough if the drinks were straight after work, but if I was at home already I certainly would not be going back out!

Are there lots of others going?

Meet for a drink in a pub sounds a casual thing rather than eg a prebooked meal so if there will be others there I'd text and say happy birthday but not feeling great so going to have a night in. Do it sooner rather than later then you can switch off from it and relax.

If you're feeling anxious and exhausted sounds to me like you need a relaxing night in with a bath to warm up followed by something nice to eat and a good film or a book.

I've emailed him and apologized. I'd love to be there my mind is willing but my body is weak. Thanks for helping me decide folks.

Gone home

Phew he's replied back and sounds sympathetic and not disappointed. Phew. Bring on the evening in.

Right decision OP. Hope you're enjoying your bath and book!

This is a classic “if you wouldn’t fancy doing it this evening/tomorrow evening, decline the invitation”. Much better to do that than to flake on the day.

Hope you've managed to have a lovely relaxing evening.

This is a classic “if you wouldn’t fancy doing it this evening/tomorrow evening, decline the invitation”.

Yes. I wish people would be a little more thoughtful rather than accepting things to keep their options open, on the off-chance they might feel like going. Sadly, that sort of consideration for others has all but died out nowadays.

I don’t think many people are deliberately keeping options open, perhaps more that people find it difficult to say no to the person inviting them. I know I do, even though I do it quite often! Eg I never go to boozy work drinks/meals in central London.

But where it’s foreseeable that you may not fancy it when it comes to the day (work, tiredness, transport issues, whatever!) it’s better IMO to consider that and decline earlier than to pull out on the day.