Anyone else feel like this?

[Ballstothisdotcom]

I’m a size 16 and I’m about 5’4 so I’m overweight. I know I’m overweight. I feel overweight and I have a weird relationship with food.

My family who are made up of 4 other very petite women, both slim and short make me feel like I’m taking up too much space.

When I go round there I feel like I can’t eat or if I do then I’m being watched and judged. They constantly make comments like ‘if I put on any weight you would see it straight away’ or talk about having cheat days and wouldn’t it be nice to just ‘not care’ about how they look.

Part of me thinks oh fuck off this is who I am deal with it. The other part of me feels like I’m invading space, should be constantly trying to suck in my stomach and like I’m somehow not worthy.

We are going away over the summer and already I feel anxious about it.

Anyone else feel like this?

I do when Im with people in general.. not with my family. Im totally different shape tho.. 5'11" size AU22 size AU13 feet.. I feel like Im too big for spaces cos Im generally taller than most people around me though I don't feel like Im really all that tall and people tell me that i "carry the weight" and its not that obvious..(yeah right lol) And yes I feel like people are judging me for eating...but..having said all that the older I get, 42 now... the less I care.. its taken a long time to reach more of a headspace where I can say to myself, I am who I am and thats all there is to it. And the more I practice that thought pattern the easier and free-er I feel.
Not sure if that entirely relates to what you said but thats my experience. :-)

My family have a very odd relationship with food. My mother would serve dinner and say "I'm sure it tastes like posion" binge eat till she puked. Obsessed about 2 or 3 pound over 9 stone but in that fake way. Drawing attention to the 9 stone.
Weighs my eldst daughter.

She comments endlessly on DHs weight and blood pressure telling me he will have a heart attack any day now. Told her to fuck off at that point.

She put my younger sister on diet pills in the 80s till she fainted at work one day and was having numbness and panic attacks.

I used to purge as a younger woman
I cant cope so stay away. I suck my gut in and its fucked up my breathing. I have forced myself to breath in very shallowly as I feel so self concious about my tummy. I have no objective sense of my body and feel stumped at the though of buying clothes.

I feel fat and ugly everyday of my life because that's what I was told and I dont know now in my 50s if I can undo all of it but I the best thing for me is staying away as much as possible. It's just not worth the damage.
Please make a bit of space between u and them. Dont join in the fetish cos that's what it is.

I'm with lola. This is not a healthy environment for you OP. Even if they're not making deliberate digs at you, the way they obsess about food isn't healthy and it's not doing anything for your psyche. The little digs are just nasty :( I'm sorry you are experiencing such heartlessness.

Yes, Balls.

When I was slim, my skin was never good enough. Once my skin got a little better, I ought to have a hair cut. Continued on page 94. Now I am old & heavier, nothing is good enough - despite my relatives being heavier than me! Dysfunctional family life, huh? - if they can't beat you with one stick, they'll find another.

If you have to go on this summer holiday, I really hope you can embrace your inner Part of me thinks oh fuck off this is who I am deal with it - hurrah!

I'm seriously impressed by women who are reclaiming the word "fat" btw - stating that "fat" is a descriptor, not a perjorative. Until we all do this, it's an uphill struggle to convince the world in general, let alone women themselves, that we come in many different shapes & varieties, & each person has their own attractiveness. I loathe that an external judge, jury & executioner sets itself up as the arbiter of what a woman "ought" to look like & genuinely find the 'Hollywood/porn/Barbie" uniformity of what is meant to be acceptable terrifying.

However - Roxane Gay says all this far better & more eloquently than me - www.theguardian.com/books/2017/jul/30/hunger-by-roxane-gay-review-one-bodys-lessons-for-everybody

Oh @lolaflores. Congratulations on the LC with toxic family. xx