ttc and disability concerns

[ttcworries]

my DH is desperate for a child. I would like one very much, but I have a (maybe irrational) fear of having a child with a disability or severe health problem. I am 35 which I know puts me in a slightly higher risk category, and have a medical condition which makes premature birth more likely and low birth weight, which can up the risk of CP etc. My condition also means I have low energy and mobility on bad days, and I don't know if I could manage care of a severely disabled baby if it happened. so I've said I am too scared to ttc even though I would love a baby, I am just afraid of my limits. DH is sad but can accept it, the problem is my family who have told me I'm being silly, they will help me with any baby and there's no reason to think I would have an unhealthy child.

AIBU to think you can't be certain of anything so my worries are justified? Part of me wants to take the plunge but the fear is stopping me. I want to make a responsible decision. It doesn't help that all of my friends and family all have perfectly healthy babies and children. I've had such bad luck with my own health that I can't imagine having a healthy baby IYSWIM.

Pip disability is about what you cannot do on your worst day regardless of diagnosis.

wrong. It is how the condition affects you on the majority of days.

Children are hard work and I say that as a mother without conditions that impact my physical well being and who is a mother, to an easy baby now teen.

My pregnancy wasn’t planned which is probably the only reason I have a child, is because planning to throw a grenade into ones life is something I would never ever plan to do.

Having a child is such a personal choice and not one of us lives your life but in your position I would be very hesitant to risk my physical health on the demand of a baby (‘healthy’ children are also demanding).

With endo there can be fertility issues (conceiving and miscarriage) so that stage could be challenging, but best started sooner rather than later if you do decide to try for a DC.

Much depends on whether you have confidence that your H would step up, including in the event of an unwell or disabled DC. Lots of fathers sadly don’t, particularly with DC with additional needs, and when relationships end don’t do much parenting anymore.