To ask how you reconcile yourself with unfairness/ lack of success/ envy?

[malificent7]

Less of an aibu as i know i am a bit and more of a request for advice.
I havn't been wildly succesful in life although i have managed to forge some sort of life despite my challenges. I have a lovely dp and dd etc but am a student at 41 and rent still...no financial security etc.
However, i know there are many who have it so much worse.
Watching award ceremonies like the Brits and Oscars etc make me wonder why talent and success are given to so few....
Why do some people make millions from doing something they love whilst other people struggle to feed their family as a nurse or care assistant which they may love but dosnt pay.
Don't get me wrong...i know money and fame don't always bring happiness given what happened to Caroline Flack, Robin Williams etc.
But artistic talent that is recognised? That is truly sometjing i envy. So how do i not feel envy or how do i come to terms with the fact that i havn't achieved great success in life?

& I bet there are rich and famous who hate being 'on view' and would prefer a quiet life with a lovely DP and DD instead.

Put simply humans appear to value entertainment over roles that save lives.

All of the high paid, millionaire creating jobs are generally entertainment related. Sports, acting, singing etc.

Vital life saving work eg paramedics, health care workers ate paid a pittance and expected to get on with it as it is a community need.

Don't get me started on how the billions thrown at entertainment could be used to fund research that could have major benefits for humanity. Nope, lets just keep entertaining ourselves and kill the planet.

Being a celebrity means no privacy, I wouldn’t want that. Everything on show and out there for all to read inc children in future. No thanks.

If you aren’t happy, then make changes whilst you still can.

Most of us are average. The people I feel really sorry for are the ones who have outstanding talent but receive no recognition.
I don't bother watching things like award ceremonies, they seem so shallow. They don't reflect reality for the majority of us.

Stick to being able to enjoy listening to music and watching a good drama. You get to admire talent without the envy.

Life isn't fair.
Life would be boring if it was fair... Maybe amoeba have fair lives.
Ask the Reincarnation gods to make you into an amoeba next time.
Amoeba definitely don't mind unfairness.
You said it but I don't think you believe it.
Be grateful for the problems you don't have.

A woman dossing in doorways looking for her next drug hit thinks you're a wild success at life, OP. A bloke with a 6m-to-live diagnosis would swap lives with you in a heartbeat. A child might get knocked over by a car and have to puzzle how to get thru rest of life never walking again and wonder what you're moaning about. You Are So Lucky.

... also, mediocrity is liberating.
It's ok to just be ordinary. This is giant release.
No more pressure to have to try to excel.

Being just about good enough is adequate.
Brilliant.
Bring it on.

They say comparison is the thief of joy...... Typically what you see of celebrity is the face that is painted on for show.

Consider Robin Williams, Caroline Flack, Heath Ledger, Amy Winehouse, Stephen Fry..... I could go on but I imagine you get the point I'm making.

Success doesn't lead to happiness or stability or improve one's mental health.

I agree that having money eases the burden somewhat, and being "successful" in the spotlight may seem like a good thing. But think of everything you woiod sacrifice to achieve it, privacy, the ability to know who your true friends are etc.

On a more practical note, if you are truly suffering from envy, you might want to try practicing gratitude. Actively spending planned in time each day on gratitude. It will improve your outlook. Even if the only thing you can say one day is that you are grateful to have woken up healthy, it will allow you to understand the riches in your life and will ultimately bring you joy.

So how do i not feel envy or how do i come to terms with the fact that i havn't achieved great success in life?

Are you happy? If you are happy and have enough time to do what you want as well as work and enough to pay the bills then what is to envy?

I expect the people winning Oscars would like a normal life to chill out at home at times and just be normal.

I think it's easy to feel that way, I happen not to really as I seem to have less predisposition than a lot of people to compare myself to others. TBF, I am fairly fortunate in the scheme of things anyway, but I always think it's impossible to compare oneself to others because people's lives are so different and there is so much we don't know about what's really going on with other people.

Also remembering that life isn't fair. It sounds like a negative, depressing thing to reflect on but once, when I heard about this as advice in a very low point where it felt like everything was going wrong about 5 years ago, it actually really helped. When I accepted that sometimes everything does go wrong and things can spend a lot of time not getting any better, I felt a lot happier from that point, even though a few more months elapsed before things improved.

@44PumpLane Stephen fry isn’t dead is he?????

Op, not going to comment on your question but please retract your point about Robin Williams. He was suffering from a brain disease (LBD) and your comments suggest he was depressed because of his fame. That is simply not true.

Please read his wife's open letter to medical researchers who are trying to improve Lewy Body Disease treatment/outcomes: n.neurology.org/content/87/13/1308

(Warning, it is a fairly blunt recount of what his final months of suffering with his degeneration were like, it may be upsetting to some who have seen relatives similarly affected.)

Tbh my main thought on the Brit attendees was "What the bloody hell are you wearing/Thank god I'm old and don't have to listen to this godawful shite".

@TheHop ah no, sorry to panic anyone! Steven fry isn't dead, just very honest about his struggles with depression--but just looking at my list all were dead bar him!

Let me add Kelsey Grammar in and Marg Perry then as alive but struggle with depression famous people too!

*Matt Perry

@Jess827 I didn't know that about Robin Williams either, awful!

If nurses got paid a high wage then you’d get some people doing the job for the wrong reasons.

Robin Williams had depression at times as a young man too, and fame/fortune didn't prevent his awful disease, awful disease could strike anyone. I don't agree that OP wrote anything she needs to retract.

Obviously your definition of great success in life is quite narrow. Are you taken in by the glitz and glamour like a magpie?
You simply need to think in a more mature fashion, to see over the smoke and mirrors and start value who you are, what you have achieved and be proactive about future plans. Start by being grateful for what you have, don’t take anything for granted, admire and take inspiration from what you like rather than be envious.
Those who make a lot of money don’t take it out of your pocket, there’s plenty of money in the world for you to have your own share without begrudging others. And how much money would you need to feel happy? Be realistic, maybe your goal could be to be comfortable, healthy, free, loved and in love and a million other things, lots of money might not be the top wish once you start thinking about it.
Do away with jealousy and comparisons, it’s not healthy, it saps you of energy, is not productive, complete waste of time.
Accept that life goes up and down in terms of fortune and happiness but there isn’t a restriction on these things, re-adjust your expectations a little but be ready to embrace all good things that come into your life and build a positive picture of your own existence which will make you feel secure and happy.
And not all those people from awards ceremonies are necessarIly talented. Being recognised by whom? A board you haven’t voted for but believe in? Why? The whole world, led by the media following in like sheep. I’ve seen a few really shit Oscar nominated movies over the years and some couldn’t bear to watch all the way through. The entertainment industry is a money making machine, it is their job to create illusions and escapism and a form addiction for which you pay one way or another. The music industry is the best example, lots of mediocre talent.

You're right, the vast majority of us work hard for relatively little reward, and those who make it big are almost all over privileged. Truly well deserved success is rare.I have worked extremely hard on my career and I'm nowhere near as successful as several mediocre or even incompetent men I know. It makes me furious. I know people say you should learn to make peace with it, but I think that's a myth that benefits the (undeservedly) successful.
I tell myself that my anger is well placed, that I will keep pushing for more, that I will speak up when I see Injustice, and that doing those things may benefit others, such as my daughter, even if they don't help me. I try to turn my frustration into determination and action.
Then I try to switch off and give myself a break, otherwise I wouldn't get to sleep at night.

You get to that point where Communism starts to look attractive.

The idea of “success” can mean different things to different people. Do you really look at those celebrities and want their lives? Or would a successful life to you mean having a lovely family and some more money so you don’t have to worry about finances. If you are truely 100% honest about what your successful life might look like then it might start to seem a little bit more attainable. If you just want to be a celebrity (I’d hate it!) then sorry I don’t have any advice

You have to remember, in the scheme of things many hugely successful entertainers have got where they are through a healthy dollop of luck and being willing to play the game, like Cheryl Cole - the most successful but least talented member of a band. Looks can also play a huge part, but for every Cheryl, Robbie and Steven, there are thousands of performers playing in dodgy bars on a Friday night, teaching dance in little ballet schools, playing Sunday league football and acting in the local am dram society. Sure, some of the people tonight are genuinely insanely talented, but many of them are no better than cruise ship singers who look right and have insane self belief. Watch a video of Katy Perry singing without backing music and you’ll see exactly what I mean.

Stephen fry isn’t dead is he?????

He was very much alive when I saw him recently.

Having a loving family and a stable life is my idea of success. It doesn’t have to be super flashy and I don’t have to be rich. All I want is my kids to be happy and not have the childhood I did. That would be my success, breaking the cycle.

I voted YABU because you need to look at other ways to value the things you have.