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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why it’s necessary to NC on MN

92 replies

Ilovemypantry · 18/02/2020 21:14

I’ve always wondered why posters say that they’ve NC for a particular post. Surely nobody would know who they were anyway, the beauty of MN is that everyone is anonymous and can’t be identified by their username?

OP posts:
packingpackingpacking · 18/02/2020 22:39

Pantry......he recognised me by what I posted, not from my username. Just before we split up I mentioned about MN, and the nasty piece decided to try to find me. By which time I had started to post for support. So he basically went looking for me. I'm not the first person this has happened to, there were at least three others there who had had the same

BlueTooBlue · 18/02/2020 22:39

User A posts about their FIL dying in January, their summer holiday plans in May, their dog being sick in July, their affair in Aug, their DC having a problem with a friend in Oct.

User B sees the Oct post, thinks 'Ooh that just happened to little Bobby at our school', does an advanced search, recognises all the details and finds out that Sally from number 6 Our Street is having an affair with the headmaster.

If user A name changed every time the connection would not be made by user B. Anonymity of user A is preserved. Simples.

TattiePants · 18/02/2020 22:40

OP, I’ll give you an example. A few years ago something very specific happened at my DC’s school. Anyone from the school reading my post would have known which school it was and if they decided to AS me, it would have confirmed my rough location, my DCs age (and therefore what school year they are in and what my occupation was. In a small school it would be obvious who I was. If they wanted to, they could have then searched my other posts to find out about my piles/fetishes/sex life/insert anything else you wouldn’t share with the school mums. Do you now see?

NameChangeNugget · 18/02/2020 22:44

With posts being picked up by the red tops, it wouldn’t take a genius to cross reference old posts and link them to people.

People post for all kinds of reasons and that is more important than making it easy for you to follow

TattiePants · 18/02/2020 22:46

In fact, thinking back, I mentioned the school scenario on a different thread and and someone from a nearby city recognised the school!

user1473878824 · 18/02/2020 22:48

Post from Anon1: “we moved to Zanzibar with our DCs and I gave up my job in lizard nursing to look after my children, one of whom has seven fingers and the other is green. My bum is now covered in warts.”

SIL: wow I think that might be NonAnon1! I’ll advance search and see what else she’s said...

Anon1’s previous posts: “My SIL is a massive bitch” “I hate my in laws” “why does my sister in law look like a toad?”

SIL: big family feud

Post from AnonNC1: “we moved to Zanzibar with our DCs and I gave up my job in lizard nursing to look after my children, one of whom has seven fingers and the other is green. My bum is now covered in warts.”

SIL: that sounds like NonAnon1! Going to have a look what else she’s said... ah nothing. Think it’s her but can’t guess another username.

AvocadoOwl · 18/02/2020 22:49

I name change all the time.

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 18/02/2020 22:49

I must be really thick but I still can’t understand how it can be “outing”

Imagine if you've had your name for a while. Someone can advance Search then and then correlate the information.

So say you've mentioned a sister in one thread. A brother in another. In another you've said you have two sons. In another you've mentioned your Labrador that's sick. In another you mentioned your job.
So on and so on.

Eventually a picture forms from loads of tiny pieces that is pretty clear.

Some people are incredibly focussed on tracking people that disagree with them and will use lots of pieces of info to figure out who someone is and contact work places etc.

AvocadoOwl · 18/02/2020 22:49

@user1473878824 GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

penguingorl · 18/02/2020 22:50

Perhaps a practical example would help. A user named userx posts about her husband's weird fetish and her mother's obsession with fly fishing. You think to yourself 'ooh, userx sounds just like my sister' and you decide to do an advance search on her username. Whilst reading through her posts you read about the time she had to forgive her little sister for stealing her pencil case at school, but even though she did finally forgive her, at the time she used her toothbrush to wipe her arse every day for a month. And now every time userx posts thinking she's anonymous, she's not as you know who she is.

InACheeseAndPickle · 18/02/2020 22:50

There are quite a few really identifying posts on MN right now. Someone trying to finalise their wedding date but her DB is objecting because his wife's sister has a pre wedding party the next day. If you happened to be the DB or Sil in that scenario (or any other friend or family member who had heard about it) you would clearly know who OP was and would be able to do an AS and find out every other anonymous thing she's posted.

user1473878824 · 18/02/2020 22:52

@AvocadoOwl I think my green child gets it off his aunt. Such a shame.

Crunchymum · 18/02/2020 22:52

Posters NC so they can post about their DH "outing" hobby obviously.

its cycling

SouthWestmom · 18/02/2020 22:58

There actually was a spreadsheet back in the day.

Original poster
Ilovemypantry · 18/02/2020 23:00

Ah...I think I get it now! The examples given have really helped me understand how someone could be identified. I’m off to NC now just in case...

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 18/02/2020 23:01

@Crunchymum omg it’s always cycling, the least identifiable hobby ever.

MelAndShoe · 18/02/2020 23:01

I can tell who one of my best friends is on here from the info she gives. So I know her name now.

She might want to post about her genital warts without me knowing so may name change.

onionface · 18/02/2020 23:05

If you don't name change, it ceases to be anonymous.

If I start a thread about a common scenario at work, it might not be outing in and of itself. But a colleague reads it and thinks hey, that happened in our workplace today, maybe it's onion posting. They then search my previous posts which confirms my cat's name and some other boring details, and voila, they know who I am. Then they can read all my other "anonymous" posts, and I'd really rather they didn't.

I name change a lot.
It isn't about someone random being able to find your identity, it's about privacy from people who already know you recognising a detail in a thread and then searching your posts.

EnjoyyourBrexit · 18/02/2020 23:08

I've spotted 3 people I know irl on here. I name change a lot as a result.

Doyoumind · 18/02/2020 23:11

This again?

Some details are outing. People have been outed on here. If you are outed someone can search your history and find out all sorts of things about you that you thought you were posting anonymously. It is definitely necessary to NC sometimes.

Bawbags · 18/02/2020 23:35

One post may make someone who knows you in real life wonder if it's you.

An advanced search would probably confirm its you and there could be some major upset if your SIL finds out you hate her guts or your colleague discovers your urge to shove their face into their honking tuna melt lunches that stink out the whole office every day.

TulipCat · 19/02/2020 00:37

It's often easy to tell who people are if they comment on the local threads, as some of those are quite specific. There was once a post about our very small local school, to which a woman I know slightly from the PTA commented with highly specific details about her children. The same day she also commented on a thread about her husband's lack of libido and one about her stress incontinence. So now I know these things about her, despite us only being casual acquaintances!

SylvanianFrenemies · 19/02/2020 00:44

I was discussing this with our Danish Au Pair, Eric, the other day. He has an IT security PhD. "Sylvanian", he said, as he polished the steps of our converted lighthouse, "There's no such thing as anonymous. If you use discussion fora, throw in a few made up details to confound anyone who thinks they know you". I'm not sure he's right, but I'll think it over as I'm grooming our pack of Irish Woolfhounds tonight.

user1473878824 · 19/02/2020 00:50

@Bawbags everyone who eats a stinking lunch is going to be warily side eyeing collegues all of tomorrow...

user1473878824 · 19/02/2020 00:50

@SylvanianFrenemies OMG, SANDRA FROM NCT?!?!