Insensitive friend

[Frogsborn]

I've been battling late-stage Lyme disease for the past year which has been very debilitating and left me almost completely housebound. Had to leave my job and move back to my parents' house for them to look after me.

On the very rare occasion that I've made it out (to celebrate a family member's birthday, for example) I've posted a few photos to Instagram. Unfortunately the photos that I'm in as part of a group show that I've lost between 1-2 stone of weight (depending on when they've been taken).

Having managed to put on some weight recently with some more successful treatment, I've felt more able to schedule in calls with friends etc to catch up. I skyped a friend in America who I haven't seen in the past year since I've been poorly but who I've made an effort to keep in touch with frequently (probably once a week) via Whatsapp. On seeing me on Skype, the first thing she said was "Oh, you've put on weight again. Well at least you actually look like someone I recognize now!" in quite a nasty voice.

AIBU to think that's a really insensitive thing to say and comes across as quite self-centered of her? I have been through so much and unintentional weight loss was probably the least debilitating symptom compared to memory loss, severe pain, nausea etc.

Quite a mean thing to say after all you've gone through. Does she have form for this kind of thing? On Sex in the City they used to call this sort of friend a jellyfish because of all the stings.

Yanbu; I think that going through both a serious illness and the recovery can be a real eye opener into how other people really think and feel.

I've said this before on other threads; I think that most of us are too quick to call a relationship a friendship, and too quick to assume goodness or decency in other people before we've seen any evidence that its there. And I think that this devalues true friendship.
We need a new word to describe the relationship in between acquaintance and friend.

Thanks for your reply @FizzAfterSix. I suppose she has always been a little insensitive, but never so stinging before!

Ironically, she's actually a therapist so I'm wondering if she just thinks I have depression or something as I know some people question whether chronic Lyme exists. Still, even if the weight loss was caused by depression, it's still a nasty thing to say!

@Thelnebriati Thank you for your reply. You are right that illness can be an eye-opener into friendships. I have found that the friends I was least close to before illness have actually been the ones to step up which has been such a surprise. Have also lost a few friends who I was closer to along the way.

I think there are two types of reaction to illness. Those who run towards you and those who run away. I'm incredibly grateful to the former.

You'd think a therapist would be more compassionate. I wouldn't be in a hurry to contact her again.

Difficult one to call without knowing the friend and her humour. She may have been trying to be encouraging in an ironic kind of way? Does she really appreciate the level of your illness?

It’s easy to be very sensitive to remarks made by well meaning people and I have a lot of experience of this. Sometimes, with hindsight, I may have been a bit unreasonable in feeling upset with friends over stuff like this. However, if she has form for being nasty then she probably was being bitchy.

Get well soon. I hook you make a full recovery.

OP, you know how it sounded best.
Focus on your friends that are supportive.
I hope you feel stronger soon.

It is a shocking condition to suffer with.

@MatildaTheCat Thank you for your well wishes. It wasnt said in a humorous way unfortunately. It was said it a really bitter tone, with a sort of tut afterwards! I was so shocked that I didn't say anything for about 5 seconds so there was an awkward pause in conversation.

@billy1966 Thank you. This thread has been really helpful for me actually, as I hadn't really realised the general public like you understood that it's a 'shocking condition'. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.