For saying no?

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I’ve recently split with my now ex partner. We have a son together and I have 2 DD’s from my previous marriage.

We split 5 weeks ago and he moved out. He has his own place now. He has been great with sticking to the routine we set for DS. He still sees DD’s for 5 minutes here and there when he picks DS up and drops him off and keeps in touch with them via text, but in the weeks since the split he hasn’t asked to spend any time with them, until tonight.

He sent me a text asking if it was ok if he sat in mine for a while to spend some time with DD’s but he didn’t want to be there if I was there so would it be ok if I went to the gym.

I said no to this, 1. Because I’m not really happy about him being in my home while I’m not there and 2. I think it would confuse DD’s if he was suddenly back spending time in their home.

I know DD’s are fond of him (he lived with us for 2 years plus they don’t see their real dad as he wants nothing to do with them) and I have encouraged him to continue to have a relationship with them, but I think if he wants to see them it should be in his own home or maybe out for lunch or to the cinema.

AIBU?

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all, you shouldn’t have to leave your own home to facilitate his contact time!!!

Yummymummy2020

Yes that’s what I thought. I don’t think he was happy about me saying no as he ignored my reply text and ignored me when he picked up DS but I just feel if he wants to see the girls he should arrange it with them and, if they want to see him then they could all go out or to his place. DS is only a baby so I’d be happy to keep him while he spent a bit of time with the girls, just not in my home.

You've not explained the reasons of the split but it's not unreasonable for him to want see your dds , yes I know he's not their dad but he lived with you for 2 years and to expect him and your dds to just forget is unreasonable.
Sorry but what harm is it ?I'm sure he has missed them as they will have .

Of course it’s not unreasonable for him to want to see DD’s and I have always encouraged a relationship with them. I just don’t want to be pushed out my own home so he can see them, he has his own place or could have taken them for dinner or something

Oh sorry if he wants you to go out that's unreasonable definitely. ( that'll teach me to speed read ) .
No he can take them out or just see them while your there , unless you need a sitter maybe he's thinking of that but it's up to you .

He might be delighted with a reply saying "no, but I'd be very happy for you to take them off to the park/cafe, or for them to come to you with DS sometimes". He might feel he's not entitled to take them away from your home, but if you're happier with that than him visiting them in your home, suggest it.

Is his place not suitable or something? Do you know his reasons?
I'd talk to him about it as it's so important your DDs continue a relationship with him, seeing as their bio father has already ditched them. Are they planning something? Mothers' Day/b'day and want you out of the way?

If he wants to see them take them out or spend time with them at his place. He can’t expect you to bugger off out your house to accommodate him!

I would be suspicious about why he wanted to be in your home unsupervised...

CF!!!

I did reply saying I’d be more than happy for him to see them in his place or if he took them out and I’m sure they would like that too as they do care for him and I would love him still to have a relationship with him. He ignored me though. And ignored me when he picked up DS. He said a brief hello to the girls and left.

The fact he hasn't taken them out makes me think he wanted access to your house without you there.