Would you find it odd if a psychiatrist said they were fond of you

[User30337]

I find someone being personal when you’re in clinical setting unusual.

Yes. I had a therapist and she never gave me any indication that she had a personal opinion of me AT ALL, which was a relief.

I was a people pleaser. I didn't want to have to worry about whether or not she was fond of me!

I think I would be taken aback, yes. How long have you been seeing them?

Three years so I guess a while but still.

Totally depends on conversation and mood.

I'm baffled. If you have been seeing a psychiatrist long enough for them to be fond of you, you should know them well enough to know whether it's in keeping with the rest of your therapeutic relationship, or whether it's odd.

I've had therapists who appear to be completely untouched by my existence, and others with whom I've had a relatively warm relationship.

Fond wouldn't necessarily worry me. My current psychologist is def on my team iyswim, and we get on very well as people. The purpose of our sessions is to support me through some difficult stuff, and I've known her 10 years. Someone who helps you examine your behaviour for a year or so, I would not expect such a personal revelation.

If it seems to go against the general style of your interaction then it's perhaps a red flag.

Sorry, not much help!

After 6 years in therapy, towards the end of therapy, my very professional therapist said he was fond of me and had been professionally invested in my journey and proud that I was ready to move on without him.
After 6 years sitting with him or he with me week after week, listening to my awful stories and helping me find myself, I hope he was bloody fond of me.

Thing is, for me it didn't feel like crossing boundaries. We were both strict on those. If this feels like crossing boundaries then it probably is.

If it made you feel uncomfortable, then that's all you need to know.

Sports Therapist here. I never, ever cross the line. Even though people spill their guts on my couch. That's not something I would ever say.

In those words? Probably. Depends on context.

To someone they'd been seeing individually for low mood? Very inappropriate, especially if they are different genders.

Jovially said by a male psychiatrist to a male patient after he had recovered from a psychotic episode, and the patient had been very abusive when unwell? Still not great, but not as bad.

I'm a MH nurse. Years ago I heard a CAMHS consultant in a private ward call a 16 year old female 'my star'. It was creepy AF, and the other psychiatrist I was visiting with agreed. Yuck. I was much younger and newly qualified then. If it happened today I'd complain.

I don’t know if it made me feel uncomfortable per say I just find it odd.

After three years I don’t think I’d find it odd. I imagine I’d feel it was a kind thing to say and I’d appreciate it, but that’s just me.

Not all therapists are good all of the time.

I tried a therapist recently. It was for a sexual issue not an emotional one. I answered all of her questions and then at the end, her face was very non-responsive, so I asked if ''have you heard of this?'' and ''is this very rare then?'', trying to get a feel for whether she could help or not. And to my astonishment she accused me of putting words in her mouth!! I hadn't done that. She then said ''I'm calling it, I can't help you''. I felt an idiot, having spent the last hour telling her so much! and paying for the privilege! but actually, although she handled really coldly, i'm glad now, she wasn't very good. It was like she was playing word salad with me and that is NOT whaT i'm looking for in a therapist. I want somebody who'll just come right out and say ''yes, I understand what you mean''. Somebody who plays games with words, I haven't time for that.

So, basically, not all therapists are good therapists. Some go in to therapy because of their own wounds.

If it didn't feel right, there are other therapists. Millions of them (usually, depending on the issue).

Good luck.

I wouldn't feel threatened by the word fond, I'd interpret it pretty positively I think, that they think I'm an OK person.

Also, the OP states it is a psychiatrist she is seeing, not a therapist.

Fond is fairly innocuous as words go.

I would find it odd. It's not something she should say, even if it's true.

Very odd and I'd think it unprofessional, sorry OP

I don't think it's odd, but like others have said depends what the context it was used and what the rest of your therapeutic relationship is.

I wouldn't have a problem with this.

It depends on the context /circumstances .
I work in a GP practice . We have a patient with mental health issues who attends frequently. She is very talkative and always asks all staff if we think she’s friendly , nice , approachable and if we like her etc We always say yes to all her questions as that makes her happy .
I definitely wouldn’t otherwise tell a patient that I liked them etc as all patients should be treated equally but obviously there are some that we may prefer more than others .

Context is everything IMHO.
Said in the middle of a conversation about your love life - not good.
Said before a conversation about your non-compliance with medication etc - ok

I think it depends on the dynamic between the therapist and the patient. I saw a psychiatrist on and off for a few years who told me I was like a daughter to him, and that was fine because he clearly wasn’t coming on to me and it was said in context of being supportive of me not in a boundary crossing way. I also see a therapist who has said we are sisters - again we have an excellent therapeutic relationship which has never crossed any professional lines but our close relationship means she gets me and can work in therapy in a way which wouldn’t be possible if we were more distant.

It might be relevant to point out that I was a abandoned as a child as a newborn and grew up in care so have no actual father or sister IRL!

Context was when talking about my low mood. Basically said I still hope you carry on with life etc.

It's entirely appropriate if in fact you had said anything like:
Who'd miss me if I killed myself? Or I might as well not be here because no one likes me...