Toilet training

[SleepingStandingUp]

To ask for your advice?

DS says he knows when a wee is coming but he doesn't tell me cos he / I was busy.
I've talked throb with him about how it doesn't matter, we stop to go to the loo. Told him to go alone and i'll follow. Talked about him being a big boy unlike his baby brothers.
Telly is off as it distracted. I. Threatened to remove all his toys tomorrow so he's not distracted. He's even gone and sat on it for 10 minutes but didn't pee cos he wanted telly on.

How do u make him tell me? I've been asking and have done the hourly toilet thing. 5 minutes after asking he pees.

And yes he's plenty old enough to underframe, says he can feel it etc.

How old is he? And how old are his brothers?

He's 4.5
Yes yes, I know. But we Have tried previously, he had some delays although it's largely caught up, significant language delay which meant him communicating whether he knew he wanted to go or not, telling us etc, making it clear he understood s difficult.

And we have tried but it's always the same. 3 or 4 days or no progress and school etc not to worry, not to push, he'll get there in his own time.

School are amazing, he has a 121 as he's on o2 and they change him at school without quibble but he's in reception, at some point the bullying will start, and he does know when it's coming he just won't tell me. He isn't a naughty kid generally, normally eager to please etc.

Brothers are 9 weeks

Don’t punish him that will just create a bigger issue.

Having new brothers around is a big deal for him especially if he has significant issues of his own already.

Is there anyone on his care team you can contact for support with toilet training?

You have to watch for the signs and then take him. Loads of praise when he uses the loo. They don't really have the capacity at first to tell you they need to go.

If his brothers are 9 weeks old I guess being a "big boy" doesnt seem that appealing to him right now.

So dont punish him. Either wait a month or two, or incentivise him (ie bribery). Mine got a jelly tot for every wee that hit the target, and several for a poo. Instant reward.

At 4.5 I'd consider scrapping the potty and going straight for the loo. Scrapping him needing to tell you too. Make sure he's in elastic waisted clothing and let him sort it (except for bottom wiping).

Above all and most, most importantly DO NOT MAKE THIS A BATTLE. Right now he wants your attention. Do not make the best way of him getting it be having an accident. If he has one, be bored. So very, very bored. No punishments. Barely mention it. "Oh dear, better luck next time" tell him to get changed and ignore, ignore, ignore. But if he does it - then praise him to the heavens. Tell family. Tell his brothers. Give sweets. (We used to have a special song and dance I'd perform for poos )

I have found that something to get them to sit for a bit longer helps because they think they can sit for 2 seconds and it will be all done. When my two were younger I would sit and sing nursery rhymes/read books but as DC2 got older it was "sod this, here's the ipad".
DD is 5.5 (sorry! And the continence nurse told us some kids don't get it till they are 8!!) and still not dry and also has severe FOMO if she goes to the toilet. She is improving. And she had major constipation for maybe 18 months which has stretched it all out too.

Anyway I'd recommend lots of bribery - at first when they are really impatient, tablet time to sit still for 5 mins (or even 10 for a poo). Sticker or chocolate button for production in the loo. Remember sit to wee even for boys at this age because they are more likely then to do a poo in the toilet. DD has to go first thing, after breakfast, and after tea (the rest of the time she is now more reliable though school also remind her, these are the times she MUST go). She usually does a poo after tea, but usually only one and so if she does one (and we are fairly certain she needs to do more) she gets to sit and watch Peppa and wait for more to come out.

Also GP or HV referral to the continence service, in case he is constipated.

My 3.5yo is going through a regression now and I'm about to give birth. It's not unrelated!

He just doesn't go he hops on the spot or runs round and round needing a wee bit when we prompt him to go he says he doesn't need to until it's literally coming out and he pees his pants. Had a couple of poo accidents this week too.

Feels so easy to get annoyed about it because it seems so obvious that he needs to go and he says sorry every time.

Basically I'm trying to say regression is normal when a big life change happens (new siblings) and we should try not not get cross as PP say it makes it more of an issue!

Don’t punish him that will just create a bigger issue. I'm not trying to, but if he is peeing himself cos he's distracted, what do I do?

if he has significant issues of his own already. just the o2 and some speech delay now, he's caught up really as his speech has improved.

Is there anyone on his care team you can contact for support with toilet training I've been to session. No potty, straight to toilet. Restrict drinks to certain times so not constantly sipping. Etc

You have to watch for the signs and then take him.
Further prrof of my crapness as a mother but I find it hard to watch like a hawk with 9week old twins. I look, he's fine, I look away and realise later he peed.

They don't really have the capacity at first to tell you they need to go. he's 4.5.

Ome of the issues we have is independence. He needs to constantly be told step by step even with a set rputine
He knows it but cos he's on o2 he always has an adult so has become overly reliant in that

He is 4, at 4 they aren’t independent not only that his whole world has also been turned upside down with not 1 but 2 new siblings who understandably take most of your attention right now. That’s a huge deal.

You can’t take his toys away, that is unfair and not a realistic option, to him it is a punishment. You need to be patient, take him to the toilet every x amount of time, praise him for trying each time even if he doesn’t do a wee. Gradually make the gap between toilet trips longer, eventually he will recognise his cues and be able to tell you/go himself. If he were himself don’t overreact just say never mind and change his clothes(get him to help).

wees* himself

being a "big boy" doesnt seem that appealing to him right now. I don't know, he said he wants to be one. I asked who the coolest bot at school was and if he went to the toilet and if he wanted to be like him and he said yes.

Either wait a month or two, or incentivise him waiting is how we're still here. He says he knows so it isn't that, he understands what the tears is for peeing the loo, it doesn't work, he's just not willing to tell me

going straight for the loo. Scrapping him needing to tell you too. we are doing loo, he can get on and off alone and I've told him he can go alone. He's still too distracted.

Do not make the best way of him getting it be having an accident. fair and very valid point

Also GP or HV referral to the continence service, in case he is constipated. he poos minimum one daily and if he ever goes a while day without, we get three next day. Def not constipated. Continence team just went enrich thry their advice and recommendations but if it's just lack of willing in his part...

He's currently sat on the loo cos he was willing about. 5 minutes and nothing. He's happy up there singing to himself but he can't sit on the loo for hours at a time.

Ftr I know it's not his but our fault and so I haven't meant to punish him Re telly etc. Actually he'd had much more of my attention for the telly being off. He's also taken himself off to the bedroom to change his pants. Been very calm about it apart from a gentle pleading on how can I help him go, what can Mommy do to help but his answers aren't always linked so I'll ask why he didn't go and ill get a random answer usually about his favourite toy obsession, or how can I help homm go and he'll just reiterate the reward for doing it.

When we tried with potty, the only time it worked was when he was sat on it for an hour as a seat watching telly.

He's just fairly uninterested. I've tried asking what happens at school if he wees in his pants but don't know if that's bad or not

Is there something he really, really wants? Eg a particular toy? Buy it and place it somewhere prominent/print a photo out of it and tell him he gets it when he manages a certain number of days of no accidents. Also a small daily treat for no accidents.

Constipation can look like that. There can be a backup.

I don’t understand it being anyone’s fault to be honest. Although not completely common it’s not entirely unheard of for children to not be potty trained at his age.

The Gentle Potty Training book has some great tips.

Seems like everyone has their potty trained by 3. We're certainly the only one in Reception and I know it's on me cos I haven't been able to crwck it, haven't been string enough with him or whatever.

Drspouse I get thst but genuinely there's nothing to suggest DS is constipated

Skankingpiglet there's a costume, he knows it's his if he does l his wees on the toilet. Perhaps I need smaller, quicker rewards as someone suggested.

Have you used rewards like sweets?

Sorry your last comment hadn’t loaded when I sent mine. I suspect smaller immediate rewards will get you quite far in that case! ☺️

Seems like everyone has their potty trained by 3. We're certainly the only one in Reception and I know it's on me cos I haven't been able to crwck it
They really don't, and you may be the only one this year but they will have BTDT.
Our DD school is grateful for spare pants in Reception and Y1 (so far) so there are many others not 100%.
If you haven't seen the continence service, you can't know he's not constipated. We thought DD couldn't be, too.

SleepingStandingUp

"Seems like everyone has their potty trained by 3. We're certainly the only one in Reception and I know it's on me cos I haven't been able to crwck it, haven't been string enough with him or whatever."

I think you are being hard on yourself. I remember a friend telling me her daughter used the potty, got a round of applause and used the potty ever since. For most people it is not that easy but it sounds like you/your son are having a particularly rough time. You have mentioned your son had some delays but is largely caught up but he may have more trouble understanding the feelings in his body than most children or remembering what those feelings mean. Perhaps school are so understanding because they don't think it's "on you" but that your son might find this skill more difficult than others.

With my son I did a sticker chart one for a wee and to for a poo and at the end of a row get a treat,it worked really well and the end of the chart get a certificate, he was into lightning McQueen at the time so it was like a race track sticker chart that I got off of eBay it came with the certificate but I'm sure you could make one,It's really hard but they all get there unless there is an underlying problem.good luck sounds like your doing amazing X

Can you access Daniel Toger on netflix or youtube? Theres a great episode on there about being distracted and not wanting to go to the toilet. It sings a little song about having to stop and go right away which I sang to my son every time he made it or had an accident which helped me calm down and not be screaming at him.

Tbh our first couple of days sounded a lot like that, I dont think it's all that helpful to keep them on the toilet/visiting every half hour if they don't actually need to pee. I never seen the advice about restricting drinks, I was told to increase fluids in first couple of days so they actually need to pee more and learn quicker the sensation.

I broke the rules of potty training and took my son out for the day and put on a pair of pants with a pull up on top then shorts on. We were just falling out at home and he was peeing everywhere. We arrived and he peed and was very uncomfortable with his soaking wet pants against his skin but didnt have the embarrassment of everyone else seeing and had to wait until we could get to a toilet to get changed. It worked for him and he became aware of when he was needing to go before he actually went.

Dont worry about ages. Every single kid I know has gone through regressions and has to be reminded a good few times even a couple of years on.

Sorry Re drinks, it was more that if he's constantly supping then he constantly needs lite wees and it can irritate the bladder or something? So not restricting volume, but having a drink with bfast, one with snack, one with lunch etc rather than sip sip sip every 10 minutes

He'll be soaking wet and he'll just hoenstly not seem to register how uncomfortable he should be. He's had his milk leak all over him and us not realise and he only got upset when I undressed him etc.

New day..