AIBU to change teacher?

[NewGlasses]

Summary: Should DS move to new teacher with experience or stay with old teacher to keep good relations?

Hello all.
I’m a long-time lurker, first time poster. British, living in Europe, mum to DS, aged 9, who plays a musical instrument. He has been learning in an established public music school for the last three years, and has a fair bit of talent. He is sitting for a prestigious exam at the end of this year.

His current teacher, Mrs Current, is an absolutely lovely lady, kind, understanding, full of patience, never raises her voice and takes a special interest in DS as “he makes it so easy to teach” (her words). She is due to retire in three years. She wants to train him for the exam. We enjoy an excellent relationship with this teacher.

The problem is, she has no experience of this particular exam, having had no students sit for it in recent years.

There is another teacher, Mrs Other, at the school who is also a lovely lady, with knowledge of more modern techniques, much younger and with a lot of “fire”. She is confident, very sure of herself, strict and perhaps may be more easily given to impatience. However, every student of hers that has ever sat this exam has done exceedingly well. She has students sitting every year, has been on the jury herself, and knows the ins and outs of this whole thing. She has a space available.

My problem is, should I move DS to this new teacher?

Pros: With Mrs Other, DS is sure to do well in the exam and a good result will pave the way forward for the future. Also, better to change the teacher now while no “permanence” has set in and DS can adapt more easily to new ways, rather than later.

Cons: Mrs Current will take it very badly, take personal offense and it will sour relations forever. If the temperament of DS and Mrs Other don’t match, it will be impossible to return to Mrs Current. Also have absolutely no idea how to inform her!

I’m torn! I want to do what’s best for my son but I simply can’t bring myself to break Mrs Current’s heart (dread it)! WWYD, and if your answer is “Change teacher” how would you do it? Please help with different perspectives. I am very grateful for all responses and reasoning. Thank you all in advance!

Forgot to say, Mrs Other has also expressed an interest in teaching DS. It is currently not possible to have classes with both teachers.

Appreciate it’s not a scintillating topic, but... anyone with any thoughts please? Thanks!

What does your DS want? If he enjoys working with mrs current I would stick to her. Long term if you want your DC to excel in this instrument he has to enjoy it and the teaching, is it worth taking the risk that he will not like being taught by the new teacher and then have the enthusiasm to keep learning?

Thanks Fizzypoo, fair point. DS is very easy going and will adapt to either teacher (I think). He has said he likes both. I would like him to keep at it in the long term because he is clearly good at it. It’s just this question of this particular exam that’s bugging me. I feel like either choice I make I will regret not doing the other!

Tricky! What impact will the exam have on DS’ future? If it is imperative for him to pass, then change teachers.

Thanks for your reply, PenOrPencil. If he passes the exam he will forever have it as a prestigious credential on his resume, plus it is something that will be sought if he should become a teacher himself, plus it will give him a tremendous boost in terms of better concert opportunities. I don’t want to put unreasonable pressure on him to pass, but I also feel that if we are trying, we might as well try our best and that means going with Mrs Other.

How would you inform Mrs Current in a way that does not hurt her feelings?

Can you speak to anyone else at the school to get their opinion?

I think I would consider discussing this with both teachers, but particularly with Mrs Current. It sounds like it would be a reasonable question if it's been a very long time since she prepared a pupil for it. Why is it the other teacher enters lots of pupils and this one none?

You're paying, so you're entitled to ask the questions! Then it's all out in the open and you should have the information you need to make the best decision.

Yes, Weffiepops, I spoke to the manager in charge of admissions for our area. He turns out to be a friend of Mrs Current and they both belong to the “old school” style of teaching, so his loyalties lie somewhat with Mrs Current. He thinks I should stick with her, although when I pointed out her lack of record, he didn’t have any answer to that. He seems confident Mrs Current is up to the job. I don’t see how that can be, considering she has no experience and this is a tough competition where small details can make the difference between a fourth place and a first.

Thanks CrotchetyQuaver, I agree. But any ideas how to begin the conversation with her without sounding like a completely and utterly heartless selfish parent?!

Did I read right that he's 9 years old? What exam is it at this age that will have such impact on his future? Not being goady, genuine a interest as both my dcs are musicians.
At that age personally I'd go with the teacher your child is most comfortable with.

Can’t you keep Mrs current and have some ‘masterclasses ‘ with Mrs other?

Re “ Why is it the other teacher enters lots of pupils and this one none?“
I have no idea! Perhaps because Mrs Current is nearing the end of her tenure (she’s been teaching a long time) and may not be very enthusiastic? Or perhaps the last few crops of students have not inspired the effort? Who knows.

Does he have to pass first time? Could you stick with Mrs Current and he doesn't do well then move him to Mrs Other? Are you sure at 9 he is going to stick with this long term? I played 2 instruments at that age and did a sport, none of which I continued beyond the age of 14.

Tried to arrange that, Flupibass, wasn’t allowed to proceed as the school contract forbids private tuition. And I would still need to inform Mrs Current about the extra classes, which would piss her right off.

He’s nine. For that reason I’d stick with his current teacher because he likes her and is doing well with her.

I can understand how you’d be incredibly excited and proud but passing exams should be way down the list for a nine year old, however important they might seem right now. He might want a career as an engineer or a builder or something unrelated to music. This much pressure for someone in year 4/5 is not going to end well.

I’d do both if you can afford it!

Thanks Ginger1982, the earlier he sits the exam the easier the competition is. After this year, his musical instrument category does not come back until 2025, by which time he will be older and the completion tougher.

Although I can not guarantee he will stick with it, I do hope so.

I’m really curious to know what the exam is? Or is it a competition? Can you say?

Thanks JaniceBattersby, you’re right and I am trying my best not to make a big deal out of this. My son’s happiness is paramount and I don’t want to stress him unduly. Having said that, he is a strong little boy who has surprised me many times in the past, and I also don’t want to underestimate him!

I'd move to Mrs Other now.

Looks like it is a competition rather than an exam as such.

I guess, are you prepared to change your son's teacher simply for this competition and then have the move in some way spoil things for him, so he no longer wishes to progress with his instrument? It is a possible consequence. Or that you change and he doesn't do well in the competition regardless?

Personally I would be inclined to go with Mrs Current. You know she is competent, you know she does have experience of this competition (although not recently) and you know your son works well with her. While spoil it for a competition that, chances are, he won't win anyway?

I was going to say stick with Mrs c as they have built up a relationship and you know that ds gets on with her. Mrs o sounds strict. Also because if he fails then he could retake. However as his instrument category doesn't fall again till much later and he's at a music school this takes a different slant on the matter. It doesn't mean to say he will pass either way. I would ask Mrs c why she hasn't put any pupils through the exam and explain your dilemma maybe? If she's a good teacher and thinking of your sons interests then she won't be offended. If she is then you know she's not the best one for your ds. Sounds simple but I know it's not!

I'm assuming it's a grade exam? I thought that you could do those at two different times during an academic year?

You want what's best for your son, and if that means giving him the tools he needs to take the next step, then as his parent that's what you have to do. In the short term, Mrs Current's feelings will be hurt, but if you have to choose between her bruised pride and your little boy's future, it's a no-brainer really.

I think I would start the conversation by telling her that she has given him the most incredible start in his musical career and it's because of her hard work on those foundations that he in now in a position to be able to move on to another teacher who will be very strict and demanding of him in a way that his very first music teacher couldn't because she's had such a nurturing role. Tell her that he'll call back to see her often because she's too important to him to just disappear. Or something to that effect...