Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children alone overnight

42 replies

Darbs76 · 16/02/2020 19:47

Hi, just wondering what age is reasonable for an older child to stay home alone overnight? DS is 16 in August, sitting GCSE. DD is 12. Both very mature, never argue, and have a key to come home from school, can feed the dog etc etc. They can stay alone until early evening if need be but usually I’m home by 5.30.

For the next 3yrs their father is living overseas (we are separated but good friends) apart from annual leave. I don’t have any family nearby, or friends I’d consider asking to stay with them. I’m wondering if it’s reasonable to leave DS alone for an odd night once he’s 16? We have a burglar alarm which he knows how to operate. I’m wondering as he might not want to come with me to visit relatives. DD will come with me. I had a baby of my own at 16 so thinking 16 is old enough but not sure what others would think of that?!

OP posts:
ByeMF · 16/02/2020 21:21

I left my daughter home alone for the first time when she was 16. The neighbours knew, so could look out for her if she needed help. She was, of course, absolutely fine. It completely depends on the young person and how confident they are.

AfterSchoolWorry · 16/02/2020 21:24

What if he starts bringing girlfriends/boyfriends home though?

Daftodil · 16/02/2020 21:27

He's old enough to join the army. He'll be fine!

Missarad · 16/02/2020 21:29

Wasnt long ago the 15 yr old lass up road had a house party when her mum was at work overnight. We live on a rather nice private estate and she had chavs and everything to this party all ended up drunk and fighting on garden then fighting with neighbours. It ended when we rang police lol

neversleepagain · 16/02/2020 21:33

I was left alone overnight at 17 to look after my 3 siblings who were 14, 11 and 7.

EntropyRising · 16/02/2020 21:35

16 is fine, but I wouldn't do it often.

We left our oldest alone overnight when he'd just turned 17 to go to a 50th party. I only told him at about 7pm that we weren't coming back so as to avoid him having a party.

Rachel1350 · 16/02/2020 21:40

Please don't. We had a fire in the middle of the night. The stats on teenagers waking up to the sound of a fire alarm are shockingly low. Worse for boys than for girls too.

lowlandLucky · 17/02/2020 08:01

Rachel1350 You can join the Army, get married or leave home at 16. They have to grow up sometime, When will you allow yours to be on their own ?

Basecamp65 · 17/02/2020 08:22

Yes - at 16 he should be able to be left. he should be able to look after your younger one as well - depending upon their relationship.

Original poster
Darbs76 · 17/02/2020 08:37

@Rachel1350 - really? Guess it makes sense they wouldn’t be alerted to it as quickly as an adult. It won’t be often at all, just an odd occasion if I need to. I expect most of the time he would come with me to visit family but if I need to go away with work it would be one night.

@AfterSchoolWorry - well there’s a chance he could bring a girl / boy home I guess. He doesn’t have a partner at the moment, but if he did he did, as long as he was being safe that’s fine. Not something I’d encourage but I’d rather he did it at home than some park bush!! He’s a home bod, never goes out apart from playing football / school. Very studious and bright. Chances of him having a party are low, but I’d know straight away from the dog (aka teenage) spy cam.

I hope I don’t have to leave him but if I have to it’s good to know most think it’s ok from 16.

OP posts:
Original poster
Darbs76 · 17/02/2020 08:39

@Basecamp65 - he is good at looking after her in the holidays. They don’t argue and he knows how to cook food for them both. I’m not sure if it’s ok to leave them both at 16 and 12. I’m confident they’d be ok, but I don’t know if there’s an age where it’s ok (ie won’t have social services on my door step).

OP posts:
Patch23042 · 17/02/2020 08:57

He’ll be fine.

I think that if a neurotypical person isn’t fine with this at 16, it implies that the parents have done an inadequate job of raising them to be sensible and resourceful young people. That’s obviously not the case with you.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 17/02/2020 09:00

We left DD home alone at 16 with the dog to go on holiday to Switzerland.

5zeds · 17/02/2020 09:02

I think it’s fine.

Redwinestillfine · 17/02/2020 09:04

Fine but be wary of parties. Even if your child is sensible/ 'not the type' the same may not be said for their friends who will see a free house as an opportunity....

NSFW · 17/02/2020 12:11

I left my DS at 15 for a week to go into hospital, but I had lots of family and friends who he could call on if needed.

After his GCSE's he went to Australia for a month.

Seeline · 17/02/2020 12:21

I think at 16 he should be fine if it's just him. I don't think it is fair to put the responsibility on someone that young of looking after someone else, so pleased that your DD will be elsewhere.

At 16 they are probably perfectly capable of dealing with emergencies, but as soon as you put someone else into the situation eg having to make sure that another person is woken and evacuated from the house in case of fire as well as taking care of yourself, it's an entirely different matter. IF anything went wrong, they would feel it was entirely their fault and I wouldn't be happy putting one of my children in that situation.

Once he is 18, I think that would be OK, as long as both are happy with the arrangement.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page