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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Princess' birthday party?

99 replies

managedmis · 16/02/2020 17:37

What exactly is this? Someone dressed as a princess teaching kids how to be likewise?

OP posts:
BrieAndChilli · 17/02/2020 08:05

Again isn’t a child allowed to choose who comes to thier birthday party? When DD was 6 she had a frozen party. Invited some of her friends who are girls. Her best friend at the time was a boy so she asked if he wanted to come, he said no so she invited him to the cinema instead.

LagunaBubbles · 17/02/2020 08:10

Well of course they can like pink and girly things. I don't think anyone has said they can't. How silly

Oh plenty people have on type of threads, pink for girls is a bad word according to some people. Not silly at all.

WateryFowls · 17/02/2020 08:11

And lets face it at the younger ages its the parents deciding on the party theme.

Are you serious? Have you ever met a 4/5/6 year old child?

CherryPavlova · 17/02/2020 08:17

When one of ours had princess party a couple of women arrived with long mirrors, feather boas, tiaras, high heels and a huge make-up and nail varnish kit.
They dressed up, paraded around, used the photo booth and cut outs. They had dance routines taught and a karaoke machine.
Truly ghastly but the girls all loved it. They were about eight or nine.

GreenTulips · 17/02/2020 08:27

The older versions of Disney princess’s are shown to be weak waiting to be revised by a male prince.

Sleeping beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, Ariel etc

That’s why a lot of parents dislike Disney princessess.

They are pretty, and mild and just waiting.

Sad

ScarletAnemone · 17/02/2020 08:29

All our birthday parties for the first few years of primary school were for boys and girls because that’s who my children were playing with. And almost all the ones they were invited to were also for boys and girls. I can’t imagine a princess theme would have felt appropriate at any of them.

GinDaddy · 17/02/2020 09:34

Can people who think they're superior to others, stop trying to hide it by posting criticism thinly disguised as a question? Is that ok @managedmis ? I think you knew what a "princess party" was before you asked. I think everyone does.

BrieAndChilli · 17/02/2020 10:22

my youngest was obsessed with Thomas the tank engine so he had a thomas the tank engine party, now trains are sterotypically a boy thing should i have not let him have a train party as that was enforcing gender sterotypes? (and he did have a girl to the party FYI)
Why is is ok for boys to be really into 'boy' things but not ok for girls to be really into 'girl' things? surely thats the opposite of feminism as we are still controlling what is acceptable or not for girls? we are then stil pressuring girls to conform to societys vision of what they should like rather than what they actually like. its saying in the past pink has been the only option, now you can choose pink or blue but you must choose blue as else you are weak. now the girls only option is blue so not any better than only having the option pink!

I agree it is damaging to only give girls the pink option (or boys only the blue option) or to enforce gender stereotypes eg the man is the boss, the woman must please him/do all of the child rearing etc etc but if -and this applies to most girls i know - are given access to a huge array of choices and still choose the glitter option then thats ok too.

GreenTulips · 17/02/2020 10:29

What access to choice?

Have you been in a clothes shop or toy shop? Have you seen the adverts for girls things? There really isn’t the choice!!

They are force fed pink from baby grows school shoes, must have sparkles must be impractical, all PJs are swimsuits are pink or have pink or unicorns - there’s no choice

Oysterbabe · 17/02/2020 10:35

They are force fed pink from baby grows school shoes, must have sparkles must be impractical, all PJs are swimsuits are pink or have pink or unicorns - there’s no choice

No choice?! This is nonsense. My DD likes the traditionally girly things sometimes but not all the time. The vast, vast majority of her clothes have no pink, sparkles or unicorns, we've never struggled to find stuff without. Also did you know you can also buy clothes from the boys section?

m0therofdragons · 17/02/2020 10:37

Dd3 has had a Princess party and loved it, dd1 once had a bug party and dressed as Merida while holding cockroaches. I let my dc choose their party themes. Judging by the number of people who enjoy Disney, quite a high number of children and adults love princesses. Letting dc enjoy what they enjoy without making them feel wrong in their choices is important!

Rockbird · 17/02/2020 11:00

There's plenty of choice. My youngest loves unicorns etc. Her best friend at school loves animals and wouldn't touch a unicorn/fairy/sparkle with a barge pole. Both go to the same shops but make different choices. It's not hard.

BrieAndChilli · 17/02/2020 11:16

They are force fed pink from baby grows school shoes, must have sparkles must be impractical, all PJs are swimsuits are pink or have pink or unicorns - there’s no choice

really I dont know where you are shopping but DD has always had plenty of things that werent pink. Next used to do some lovely baby grows that were unisex with brightly multicoloured spots/stripes on and when she was a baby a lot of her things were handme downs from her brother so she often wore blue/green things.
shes had plenty of pjs and swim suits that were yellow or blue or black or white or green. (and yes they were 'girls' ones)
There are choices out there and I've never had a problem finding them although often DD would want to go for the pink sparkly option but that again is her choice not because it was the only option.
Shes 11 now and I cant remember that last time she wore something pink or a skirt (apart from school skirts but she can wear trousers if she likes just chooses not to)but she stills loves glitter and unicorns and painting her nails as well as camping and building fires etc.

DBML · 17/02/2020 11:29

I like princesses. I’m 40 and if I could get away with a Disney princess party I would. (I’d be Pocahontas).

It’s harmless. We are all individuals and like different things. My son in his 15 years has like: diggers; dinosaurs; Marvel, especially Spider-Man and his favourite colour is blue.
I have never told him what to like and if he’d ever wanted a doll, I’d have bought him one. If he wanted a princess party, he’d have had one. In fact, with a pink and glittery mummy he had certainly had his fair share of exposure to the alternatives.

We should just let kids/people enjoy whatever it is they want to enjoy in that moment.

andannabegins · 17/02/2020 11:29

My daughter had a princess party when she was about 5. She had boys attend.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 17/02/2020 12:12

Why are people so worked up about a princess party, or anything 'girly' for girls. Yet if a parent organised a pirate party, or superhero party for boys nobody would give it a second thought.

There are gender stereo types because genders naturally tend to veer towards "types". Of course that's broad and general but as someone said, a girl who might want to do something girly is immediately branded as being gender stereotyped by parents, shops, society, teachers, neighbours, anyone who may have ever come in to contact with her. But maybe, just maybe a girl would actually like to play with a doll and pram.

I'm not a girly girl. Never have been. Sometimes I like to wear a dress and make up. 98% of the time I'm in jeans, boots and barefaced!

My daughter has an older brother (and a not particularly girly mother). The hand me downs she wore as a baby when she was crawling around the floor were navy and grey tracksuits!! As soon as she started to walk she automatically gravitated to the pink and fluffy section of any shop we were in! Nothing to do with me and no outside influence.

Lots of girls like 'girly' things. They shouldn't be made to feel wrong or silly for being a "gender stereotype". A boy would not be encouraged away from playing with cars or dressing up as a pirate.

I think this thing of "gender stereotyping" seems to only work against girls. Who, as a results are being made to think that boyish things are better than girly things because they are being made to feel wrong or silly for liking girls things and encourages more towards breaking the stereotypes. I don't see the same effort being put into discouraging pirate parties and tractors as an example for boys.

M3lon · 17/02/2020 12:38

tellme you are 100% wrong about gender stereotypes being based on natural preference.

I don't suppose you have any interest in the evidence that shows why you are 100% wrong, so I won't bore you with it. But rest assured, preference is learnt not innate.

M3lon · 17/02/2020 12:40

you are also wrong about it 'always being against girls'. I have far more problems with a pirate/super hero party for boys than I do a princess party for girls.

At least princesses are allowed to show emotions other than rage, and allowed to ask for help when they can't solve all their problems on their own.

Superheros are the LAST thing we should be teaching our boys to aspire to if we have any desire to reduce their suicide rate in the 18-30 bracket - which personally I do indeed desire to reduce.

GreenTulips · 17/02/2020 12:49

she automatically gravitated to the pink and fluffy section of any shop we were in! Nothing to do with me and no outside influence

So all the bright barbie pink boxes and pink fluffy bikes and cute girls playing with these things isn’t an outside influence?

LouHotel · 17/02/2020 12:54

My 3 year old Wants a continent party (as in earth continents) I haven’t quite worked out how to do this yet. Princess party much easier to plan a theme.

M3lon · 17/02/2020 12:55

green don't be daft, advertising doesn't count, because it doesn't WORK. That's why there's billions spent on it each year...because it has no effect whatsoever on anyone...especially children....

LouHotel · 17/02/2020 12:56

Oh and no boys allowed, except for F, B, T, F and D....so all your male friends then.

M3lon · 17/02/2020 13:00

lou a continents party is a great idea!

Maybe have foods to try from different continents, or a game involving sorting colours where each colour represents a continent...and a bouncy castle....because 3 year olds like bouncy castles and not everything has to obey the theme....

I bet you can get balloons with the globe printed on them too...

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 17/02/2020 13:01

So all the bright barbie pink boxes and pink fluffy bikes and cute girls playing with these things isn’t an outside influence?

But if she didn't naturally like that herself she wouldn't have gone to it. My sons didn't automatically run to pink things when they could walk. She wouldn't have seen girls playing with these things. She was the first girl in our family with 2 brothers and 2 boy cousins. She wasn't watching girls playing with pink fluffy things.

So my daughter IS a stereotype. She's a girl. She likes pink things, she likes colouring, she likes baking, she likes glitter, she likes glitter nail varnish.

Without being taught that she should like pink (there was little or no pink in her life before that!) she naturally went to the pink things. And it was pens, and diaries, and feather boas in this particular shop, no pictures on boxes of girls. She toddled to them with her eyes wide in amazement. It was almost as if she'd never seen anything pink before 😉. In fact my sister in law that day told me to just buy her something pink Grin. So I did.

It's her preference. Is that OK?

One of my boys liked Cars.
One of my boys likes Mario Games.

Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. It doesn't mean all girls love pink. Or all girls should be forced to wear dresses and pigtails. But a lot of girls do like pink, and princesses, and dresses. And they shouldn't be branded as gender stereotyped just because they do.

M3lon · 17/02/2020 13:09

tellme no that isn't okay. It isn't her preference....or more precisely you can't tell what her preference is because from the moment she was born she was subjected to information that was telling her what she 'should' like....

or are you saying she has never seen other children outside your family playing? She's never seen a neighbour on a pink bike? She never went to nursery or school and never interacted with others also subjected to stereotyping? She never watches TV or internet content that shows children playing with pink bikes? She's never been in a shop before and so seen which children are looking at which products, and which children are shown on the boxes of which products?

She's also never read a book or learned to read from books with children depicted in them?

If so then you need SS round to sort you out.....