AIBU to move again so quickly?

[oopsdaisy]

DH, DC1 and I lived in a two bed flat in the Home Counties with jobs in London. When DC1 came along we knew we needed to find somewhere bigger, but also started to think about where in the country that might be.

DH’s family is from a large town in the North East and after much research and many chats the pros of moving ‘up north’ seemed to outweigh the ones of staying in the Home Counties. We could easily relocate our roles and be nearer to his family, have improved cheaper commute, bigger(ish) house etc.

3 weeks into move and I hate it. Luckily we sold our flat and are only renting at the moment, but the lived experience is throwing up a lot of red flags that couldn’t have been known on research alone.

We are now considering moving back to the same small town in the Home Counties. The reason for being so quick with our decision is because we have DC2 on the way (due in just under 6 months) and ideally want to be at least in the right location, if not the right house, before DC2 comes along.

I wondered if there are any other Mumsnetters out there who have quickly ‘bounced’ back to a place they had moved from. Any regrets on moving back? Anything in particular I should consider?

You've been there only a short while I'd give it longer.

Does your DH also hate it?

Why do you hate it?

3 weeks??? You’ve only just got there. What happened to the reasons / plans that you had for moving there? Are they no longer important? I totally get that it can be quite difficult to settle in when you have relocated but usually people give it a bit longer!

3 weeks isnt very long. Why do you hate it?

@SoupDragon DH doesn't hate it but is not in love with it either, though he was more up for 'giving it a go'. We updated our pros and cons list and he agrees that previous town was better. And happy to move back if that means I'll be happy too. Work is easy to sort and same with DC1's childcare.

3 weeks? I don’t really think that’s long enough. I am 10 months into a relocation that I still struggle with but I’m giving it 3 years!

Can I ask what you’re not liking about it? I’m from the north east originally but my fiancé and I have lived in London/just outside for 10+ years. We have often talked about moving to the north east (he’s from Portugal so no particular UK ties) even to the point of viewing some houses but I’m never 100% sold on the idea, can’t quite explain why, and would love to hear your thoughts.

I’m sorry it’s not working out for you but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to move if you’re not happy. As you said, you’re in a good position in that you’re renting which means you have the flexibility to move [fairly!] easily. Not everywhere is right for everyone and having a great big cheap house doesn’t matter if you’re fundamentally unhappy living there.

I know, and totally agree it's not been that long. But I think this pregnancy is making want to be settled ASAP.

Some of the reasons for not liking it here are:

• a lot of day to day activities involve a drive - pool, playgroups, doctors, supermarket etc. Which is a right schlep compared to previous town
• NHS services - I can't actually get a same day appointment with the doctor in person just a triage chat over the phone (even for DC1). NHS dentists all have waiting lists have to go to another nearby town. Maybe I was just really lucky previously but I'm shocked but this
• countryside is a drive away, not on doorstep like previously
• when DCs are primary school age it's likely to be a drive to school (rather than walk, which I had visions of doing)
• about 200 miles from my family
• you don't really get much more for your money house wise than we did down south

Haven’t you signed a tenancy agreement for a year ?

@mrsbyers tenancy agreement is for 6 months. We'd offer to pay for marketing/find new tenants to get out of it earlier but would be relying of goodwill for that, which we may not get. But equally we'd need sometime to find a new place, so wouldn't be out straight away.

But didn’t you research all this before you moved? Surely you knew how far away you would be from amenities?
Anyway if you want to go back then I guess you can and should.

Yes, do it! Don't gey stuck somewhere you don't like. The longer you leave it the harder it'll be to move back down south as the prices go up faster there.

As someone who's moved around a LOT (army dependent) I think you're being ridiculous to be honest.

3 weeks is NO time at all! It's only a WEEK longer than a holiday!

You're pregnant so maybe hormones and the challenges of being pregnant are having an influence.

It's natural and normal to miss your old home AND to romanticise it's benefits initially.

It takes at least a year to settle anywhere. I used to advise new army wives not to visit "home" at all in the first 6 months as it just makes the move harder.

"a lot of day to day activities involve a drive - pool, playgroups, doctors, supermarket etc. Which is a right schlep compared to previous town" I'm sure you could move elsewhere in the north east where this wouldn't be the case or not as much. I suspect this is down to you having chosen poorly on where exactly you've ended up.

"NHS services - I can't actually get a same day appointment with the doctor in person just a triage chat over the phone (even for DC1). NHS dentists all have waiting lists have to go to another nearby town. Maybe I was just really lucky previously but I'm shocked but this

• countryside is a drive away, not on doorstep like previously" you've been EXTREMELY lucky if you've had the service you claimed previously it's really not the case in most parts of the country. Just takes a little organisation and acclimatisation

"when DCs are primary school age it's likely to be a drive to school (rather than walk, which I had visions of doing)" again, this would appear to be down to precise location and I'm sure there are other places in the north east where this could be remedied but it's actually not the end of the world anyway

"about 200 miles from my family" oh come on! You KNEW this was going to be the case anyway! Or was your geography knowledge lacking?

"you don't really get much more for your money house wise than we did down south" again surely you checked on this before moving?

You really need to give it a chance or else you may well regret it. If you don't give it a decent go you'll always wonder.

The OP has moved from a housing market where prices rise faster than most of the rest of the UK.

If she "gives it a chance" she may well be burning her bridges i.e. making it unaffordable for her to move back later.

@Graphista thanks for military angle there.

The location was chosen for several reasons such as it's near family, good schools, parks, shorter commute etc. We'd get marginally more for our money than 'down south' but this wasn't the only reason for moving. It was balancing a lot of different things, and on paper this place ticks a lot of boxes but living it day to day is just not what it should be.

Yes I knew I'd be 200 miles from my family but that doesn't make it any easier. I've lived away from them before (including abroad). I thought I would be ok with it but since having a child I've found it much harder than I thought I would.

OP don't worry that you've only been there 3 weeks - you've already seen what research didn't show you and you had the sense to rent not buy. Go back as soon as you can. Good luck.

3 wks in you'd be mad to move.

@zelbazinnamon where roughly have you moved to? Good luck to you!

I'd be inclined to evaluate after 4 months when a move could tie in with the end of the rental period. It sounds like most of your issues relate to the exact location of the rental property rather than the broader location.

What are your job situations? Are there any considerations there on going back sooner rather than later?

@VirtualHamster job situation is flexible we are both very lucky and could go back to working from London office, would just need to ask. But would then obviously have to explain to every colleague or friend who asks why we're back down. But I'm fine with that, I'm sure others have been in that situation.

Interesting to read your elaboration - we’ve moved from a north west city to a rural south west spot. The driving is a big acclimatization for us, we didn’t have much choice on rental but now we are buying we have deliberately chosen a property that is more walkable - it’s taken us a while of figuring out what it is we want.