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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not forgive?

16 replies

LoLaLoLaLoLaLoLa · 16/02/2020 12:19

I had a fall out with DH family. Mainly siblings/in-laws. It was pretty nasty, insults indirect comments which is just childish. So I simply deleted/blocked

Not spoken in 2 years, I’ve recently had a baby & they’ve contracted me; congrats etc.

I’m not interested anymore, a leopard never changes it’s spots.

AIU to just send pics of baby & not respond. I don’t want to cut them out of my children’s lives as it’s DH family but at the same time, I don’t want to be a part of it.

It’s mainly the in laws who have contacted me such as brother in law etc. DH wont communicate with them since the fall out & only communicates with his siblings.

WWYD?

OP posts:
picklesdragonisawelshdragon · 16/02/2020 12:21

That sounds reasonable, although I'm a bit confused about who you do and don't talk to.
Does your DH talk to his siblings, but not his parents? And is it the sibs that have contacted you?

Original poster
LoLaLoLaLoLaLoLa · 16/02/2020 12:23

I didn’t want to add too much detail to create a long post. DH speaks to parents & siblings but not his in laws

OP posts:
Original poster
LoLaLoLaLoLaLoLa · 16/02/2020 12:24

I do speak to his parents, but not his siblings or in laws

OP posts:
billy1966 · 16/02/2020 12:24

OP, follow your husbands lead.
If your husband is no contact with his family because of their treatment of you.....do not disrespect him by going behind his back.

A baby doesn't change anything.

Focus on your new baby and a oid spoiling this time by bringing drama into your life.

MN is full of unsupported women with in- laws that cause nothing but grief.

Follow your husband lead. He knows them best.

fedup21 · 16/02/2020 12:25

DH speaks to parents & siblings but not his in law

What do you mean he speaks to his parents and siblings but not his in laws? Aren’t his in laws YOUR parents??

Original poster
LoLaLoLaLoLaLoLa · 16/02/2020 12:26

No his siblings partners/husband/wives sorry used incorrect wording

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/02/2020 12:29

There's no point in sending pics of the baby as presumably his mum and dad has some that they'll send on?

FudgeBrownie2019 · 16/02/2020 12:33

Be a team and decide together how you go forward. If your DH wants NC and you want them involved you're going to have to work it out between you and compromise.

Children don't need extended family. They can be a wonderful blessing if they're good people. If they're shitheads, they bring nothing but stress and worry regardless of their relationship to you and your DH. Don't let blood define who you let into your DC's life.

PenScribble · 16/02/2020 12:41

Up to DH to contact/send photos if he wants.

We have had nothing to do with in-laws for 8 years.

DH gets on with his mother and is civil to the others when he has to be in the others company, but that's it.

stayingontherail · 16/02/2020 12:45

If you send pics they might see it as an opening to more communication. Is that what you want? As pp said, if they want to see pics they will find a way through the family members you are in contact with.

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2020 12:46

Depends if you both would like to keep this going or accept the olive branch.

Sounds like you wish to keep it going, so why pretend, don't bother with the pics, they won't be in your kids life.

APatchyTomCat · 16/02/2020 12:51

Presumably they've sent cards if they were deleted/blocked, so I think it would be pretty easy to ignore and carry on as you were.

shinynewapple2020 · 16/02/2020 13:02

So you and your DH are both in touch with his parents, your DC's grandparents?

Your DH is in contact with his siblings but not their partners? If it his DH's siblings' partners who are now contacting you I don't think that you need to re-establish contact with them outside of the contact your DH has with his siblings unless your DH wants to do this

If you are both speaking with your DH's parents then presumably your DC will see their grandparents.

I suppose as your DH is still speaking with his siblings and you are considering whether you should resume contact it would be nice to get to a point where you can all attend family gatherings and be civil - that doesn't mean you have to be friends .

Grembolina · 16/02/2020 13:05

I agree with following your DH lead. Let him send pictures if he wants to but it should be his decision.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 16/02/2020 13:13

If your husband speaks to his siblings, then surely he can send a photo of the baby. Why do you think it has to come from you? Whenever we had new babies, I sent photos to my side. He sent them to his.

Piffle11 · 16/02/2020 14:19

I’d stay out of it. If DH wants them to have a photo, he can send it. If he doesn’t then he won’t want you sending one.

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