To be jealous of bond between my DS and DH?

[Peanutmandm]

My DS aged 9 has such a huge bond with his dad and they are often found playing together, watching tv and You Tube or playing computer games and when I try to join in or ask what they are doing, I often get a one word answer or very little communication at all.
I have tried discussing this with my DH as our DS is our only child and have asked if we can do more together as a family to be told that I am being silly and there isn't a problem and that I should be glad that they have such a bond .
I love the fact that they do have such a bond as I know that alot of children don't have this but just wish that I could be included more and not left to be the one who is chef cook,cleaner and shopper.
AIBU to feel this way ?

This sounds sad and that there is a lot going on.

First of all, how dare your husband tell you that there isn't a problem! Of course, there is, if you are feeling upset.

Secondly, when your husband isn't around, do you and your son enjoy your time together? Are there any activities that you do together which work well for you both?

Thirdly, the issue of you feeling like the housekeeper while they have fun. That's a different issue and might be easier to tackle. Though it does sound as if your husband wins no prizes for empathy.

I hope there will be others along who have learnt how to fit in with boy stuff. Are the tv programmes, youtube stuff etc more male dominated stuff so not really your thing?

This is two issues OP, one is you don't have the same interests as a 9 year old boy, so if you want to feel included, like the programs he likes, like the computer games he likes, actively try to get involved, plan fun things 9 year old boys like. My DS is 7 and I bought a computer game I liked and now we can play it together or with DH too.

The second issue is 'chef cook,cleaner and shopper'. That is a problem with you sounding like you do more than your fair share of housework, and a conversation is needed with your husband.

Do you have money for a cleaner? Usually around £10ph.

Could you get shopping delivered so you don't have to shop?
Can your DH cook anything?

Thank you both for making me feel better.
When it is just me and my DS around then yes we do do things together ie crafts, board games,playing with his toys etc but it is always harder when the 3 of us are together as both myself and my husband like different thing's.
I am also quite girly and don't always get DS and husbands boy humour if I am honest.
I think I am going to have to take the bull by the horns and sit my DH down and have a frank and honest discussion with him as things stand at the moment, something has got to change.

You need to get you DH to do his fair share of chores, and you can also rope DS in to do some.
You cannot make DS like things you do though. If he likes doing different things with both of you then thats fine. Take the time he is playing with DS to do something for yourself. Then see if there is something you all enjoy doing occasionally such as cinema or bowling.

I think the bigger issue here is their attitude - ignoring you or giving you one word answers. That is hugely disrespectful and unacceptable. Clearly your ds idolises his dad, so will model his behaviour. Your son needs to be taught to respect and be kind to his mother.

YANBU OP.

I have got two sons and I’m dread the thought of feeling pushed out as they and my DH do all their “boy stuff” together.

They are currently 5 and 2 I’m making the most of them whilst I can.

I hope you have a good conversation DH and he can see how hurt you are

@Peanutmandm

Oh OP are we the same person?

I have two boys (6 and 2) and my 6 year old is the same as yours - dad daft.

I struggle at times because I’m girly too and I wonder what’s going to happen when they’re older but then I have friends who can’t stand their mothers so it’s not a given that a daughter means a friend for life.

I’m watching on with interest though

Shall we start a club? @QueenofmyPrinces @Peanutmandm

I have 2 boys and you have to try to find a common interest. But your bigger problem is you dh.
You are not the house keeper and you certainly shouldn’t be doing all the drudge work will he has fun. The message you are sending is daddy’s the fun one. Stop
It today. Dh can make the meals today while you play a game with ds, and if he won’t then that tells you a lot

My poor husband is the one left out. Our son and I have a really strong bond. We enjoy being together. He is 14 now and we still very close. Sometimes my husbands complains but I always say spend more time doing the things our son wants to do.
If my husband had a talk about it I really wouldn't know what to say. I can't fix it for him.

Thank you all for your messages. I have taken some time for me today and come home to my dinner in the oven and a clean and tidy house .
I have sat and had a had a good chat with my DH and he seemed to have taken note of every thing that I have said .
Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder, only time will tell.
Thank you all for making me feel that i am not alone or being unreasonable.