Broke up with dp last weekend, no contact through the week other than a couple of messages later in the week to arrange a meet up to discuss things and see whether we could actually try again to make it work.
Situation was we both lied to each other and couldn't admit it until we were caught out. Both broke each others trust and i had a habit of checking his phone messages behind his back which he found out. All this happened in the last 2 months of the relationship as we had hit a rocky patch and up untill then the rest of the 2years we had been together were perfect and happy.
He had booked us and paid for a belated valentine's weekend away with activities and spa. When we spoke i said i was willing to forgive him for his lies and betrayal of trust because I love him and want to try again. I wanted to go away together and start afresh. If we couldn't get on during the weekend away then we would call it quits and know for sure if it would work or not. If we did get on and have a nice time together then it would be a good start to new beginnings and starting afresh.
He said he needed more time to think about what he wants in this relationship and if he wants to get back together. My lies and message checking was wrong and i have apologised but was only as a result of his initial lies and lack of trust. I feel now both being honest with cards on the table we can start over and rebuild trust together.
AIBU to resent him for still going on the weekend away/spa break on his own? He has paid for it and says its a waste as we cant get a refund. I just feel its unfair that he still gets a treat when we have both done wrong. I have offered to pay him back for it and he says he doesn't want any money. I am currently working with a therapist for my depression, anxiety, paranoia and loneliness. I am so upset by us breaking up that i have no motivation and staying at home will make me spiral worse mentally and him still going is rubbing salt into the wound.
I have no friends to talk to and feel so crappy about it all. I think therevis hope that we will get back together as ge has said so himself but i cant shake him going on his own.