AIBU to feel colleague was doubting my honesty?

[KIDCAMERON]

Recently started job in managerial position. Very small team and very laid back environment. Although had many years previous experience in area, before stating current position I was a relief assistant ( mum of 3 SAHM) and have been promoted above colleague who is permanent but less hours. Colleague didn’t apply for position due to ill health. We have rubbed along well enough for first few months although I felt her attitude towards me implied she didn’t trust my judgment on most basic of day to day tasks. But I held my tongue and tried to ignore thinking it was a period of adjustment. Colleague asked for a personal meeting yesterday citing a difficult work environment. I happily agreed as wanted to clear the air. We talked through a few things and realised we had been at cross purposes. However one thing is sticking with me and I need other points of view to see if it is just me being over sensitive. She told me on a particular occasion when someone was visiting she wasn’t aware this was happening. I apologised and said I honestly thought I had told her and that it was written in the work diary. Her response was “ Was it written in before?” To me this implies she thought I had written it in after the fact to cover my back. AIBU and over thinking?

It's difficult to say exactly what she meant but I'd see it more as a potential covering of her own back - defending against a possible accusation of not reading the work diary when she should - rather than a deliberate attempt to accuse you of lying. She perhaps didn't think through the implications of what she was asking.

It sounds as though your meeting was productive overall and it was sensible of your colleague to want to talk through the issues with you rather than letting them fester or going over your head to complain about them, so I would focus on what has been achieved rather than on a single questionable comment.

I can see that honesty is important to you, but I don't think it's the massive stain on your honour YOU think it is that she was questioning this.

People ARE dishonest. Mostly in tiny, harmless ways. Little white lies to make the day go more pleasantly, to be respectful of their company, or in some cases, to cover your own arse.

I think it's my ability to seamlessly lie in very small, harmless ways, that has got me so far in my career. I've convinced recalcitrant staff that they're getting their own way, I've kept things smooth between difficult customers, I've been charming and complimentary about complete bullshit. I've also seen people be needlessly horrible to each other when small, gracious lies would solve the problem. Lying is incredibly underrated, IMO!

She might have just wanted to know if it were the truth because it's really important for new employees to know that it's OK to share mistakes and fix things than conceal them for fear of a telling off.

Essentially even if she were accusing you of dishonesty, it's not necessarily a thing she'll think as a massive insult.

In my experience people lower on the chain always feel like they are being left out of information (even when you’ve given it as you had) and they never feel like there is enough communication. She may wrongly feel that you are keeping info from her. I would not take this personally and see it as a common issue/complaint that most managers get at some point.

Does she work for you? If so then you can manage her behaviour if she continues to display resentment or not trusting your judgement, in the same way that you manage someone not filling in the right spreadsheet correctly. E.g I have been seeing x and y, I need to see a and b from this point forward for these reasons, how can we make this happen.

@stayingontherail

Amen to that! Junior staff always want the whole picture, but it's mixed as to whether they have the sense to realise that not everything can or should be shared immediately if at all.

I'm always having to push back on the ones who think they should have equal knowledge of sensitive business information and even personal information about other staff.

Some people almost never lie (me 😬). Some lie routinely for a quiet life and think nothing of it (my former colleague 😖).

So what she said you may have heard as “did you fake the work diary to cover your tracks and make me look bad and now you’re lying about it” but she may have meant as “was it one of those occasions when you didn’t keep the diary up to date and just fill it in later, cos if so that isn’t helpful to me.”

Either way v rude of her but from the situation you describe (with you now being senior but her previously being the permanent member of staff when you weren’t) basically you’re set up to fail and unlikely to get on unless/until she sees you dealing with stuff she doesn’t know how to do. She is probably wildly jealous and feela it should have been her role plus bitter about her ill health.

Try not to be too offended her feelings are petty but natural.