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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For being annoyed with DP?

16 replies

Helo12345678 · 15/02/2020 21:08

I have a relative who now lives in Germany who I haven't seen since June last year. She's come home for the weekend to stay with her parents. I asked DP if he'd watch my 2 DC's 9 and 7yrs(DC's from a previous relationship) for an hour so I can have a quick catch up with her as my DC'S didn't want to come with me and DP needed to stay home anyways catching up with paperwork. He said that was fine. Last thing I said to him before i left was to call me if they started playing up and I'd come home and he said ok.
I came home and asked if everything had been ok and he went on a 10 minute long rant about how they'd be arguing non stop for the past 30 minutes and that he'd got no work done because they were yelling at each other. I said why didn't you call me and I would have come home and he just shrugged and said "I didn't want to bother you"
AIBU for being pissed off that he just didn't pick up the phone and and tell me they were misbehaving, he knows I would have come straight home to deal with the situation instead of complaining that they had been misbehaving.

OP posts:

SegregateMumBev · 15/02/2020 21:10

Errr, no, he was trying to manage the situation, allowing you to catch up with your friend. How is this a bad thing he’s done?

MyView2 · 15/02/2020 21:12

YABU-if he’d called you then you would be annoyed that he couldn’t cope with them until you got back. Instead he let you have time with your cousin to the detriment of getting his work done and he’s still in your bad books. It sounds like he was in a no win situation.

rottiemum88 · 15/02/2020 21:13

YABU

Sounds like you made a token "let me know if you have any issues with them" type statement and he was trying to deal with the situation himself to leave you time to catch up with your relative, who as you point out you hadn't seen since June. You sound very ungrateful

Leeds2 · 15/02/2020 21:13

He was probably trying to be nice to you, so that you could enjoy your catch up. I would probably have done the same, but I wouldn't have ranted at you when you came home.
Maybe next time, tell the DC that they are coming with you whether they want to or not.

BigFatLiar · 15/02/2020 21:14

Did he 'rant' or did he simply tell you they had been playing up.
But he did good putting up with it so you could see your relative undisturbed.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/02/2020 21:23

You must have trusted him to leave them with him. Would you really wanted to have left your friend on a rare chance to catch up to go home and mediate a spat?

I think he was trying to do the right thing.

DH has a group of friends he doesn’t see often. When I have his DC I’d have to be about to drag them from a burning house before asking him to come home. I can handle them, he trusts me with him, his time with friends is precious.

Original poster

Helo12345678 · 16/02/2020 03:05

@MyView2 i definitely wouldn't have been annoyed. He knows this as he has called before to tell me they are arguing, sorry if this is drip feed.

@BigFatLiar it was a rant. He went on about who said what when and what happened afterwards and when exactly he had to get involved etc, it wasn't just a case of him saying they were playing up

OP posts:

Original poster

Helo12345678 · 16/02/2020 03:21

@AnneLovesGilbert I do trust him. Maybe it's more about me feeling annoyed about feeling guilty that he lost 30 minutes of paperwork when he could have called or text to say they were playing up, not meaning to sound ungrateful and I appreciate everything he does but when he told me what they had been arguing about and who said what etc I just thought would have been easier for everyone if he would have just ignored the DC's arguments and called me, but maybe i'm just in the wrong.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 16/02/2020 03:46

Why is he so incapable of dealing with a 9 and 7 year old? That's the real issue, imo.

Topseyt · 16/02/2020 03:54

This wouldn't bother me at all.

You got the chance to catch up with your relative uninterrupted. He had to deal with the shit that children throw at you for a change.

Personally, I would just have been glad that I got an hour or so away from refereeing the children. It would have been a sanity saver.

Occasionally when I left my young children with DH he would comment about things that had happened while I was out. My usual response was along the lines of "welcome to my world", which stopped it in it's tracks.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 16/02/2020 04:58

You left your children in his care so should trust him to care for them. He wanted to give you some free time. He did a nice thing, ffs.

rainbowstardrops · 16/02/2020 07:45

I think he did a nice thing 🤷🏻‍♀️
What could you have done that was any different to what he did?

SterlingViolet · 16/02/2020 08:17

Sorry, OP, I'm on the side of your DP.
Just thank him for watching your DC.

I hope you had a nice visit with your relative.

TheWernethWife · 16/02/2020 09:28

FFS OP, are your children so feral that you feel that you would have to rush home and sort them out. I would have given them a stern talking to about their behaviour, they are babies.

TheWernethWife · 16/02/2020 09:29

not babies

rebecca102 · 16/02/2020 09:31

Wow wish my DP was like this. The minute I walk out the door I get inundated with msgs about how he can't handle it. I would be giving him a hug!!

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