To not want teenage DS (17) to make a 4-5 hour round trip with another teen (18) driving?

[NormaSnorks]

DS is 17, learning to drive. Has a friend, 18, who has been driving for the last 8-12 months.
DS has just announced that they are planning to go somewhere this week which is about 2-2.5 hours away and mostly on fast roads/motorways.

I don't want him to go. I think the stats on the safety of 18-24 year old young drivers are not good. It is too far for a young, relatively inexperienced driver. DS is also loud/ excitable and I think could be a distraction to his friend.

DH has already told DS he 'doesn't have a problem with it' (without discussing with me first ).

I don't know if YABU or YANBU as I don't know the friend.

Statistically young drivers are involved in more accidents, but that doesn't mean that your ds's friend is an accident waiting to happen.

I understand you will worry.
I have 2 dc who have gone through the 'being a new driver' stage, and one who is learning. Obviously all of them have also been passengers in various other young drivers' cars. I get it. you will be relieved when you are back, but , if you know your ds's friend you will probably have an idea what they are like, as a person.
I presume your ds has been in their car and also has a perception of their driving. The friend hasn't just passed.

Generally YWNBU to worry but YWBU to put a blanket ban on your dc every having lifts off people who are under a certain age or have less than a prescribed length of driving experience.

It is too far for a young, relatively inexperienced driver

How will this young man ever get experience, especially on motorways, if he doesn’t drive on them? Or are you happy for him to drive without your DS? At what point will you allow him to drive your son around? 2yrs driving, 3, 4?

Is he generally a sensible person? I hate the ‘All young drivers are likely to have an accident’ attitude. With 2 young adult DC drivers, and lots of their friends being drivers, I know of not one who has had an accident. I know statistically they are supposed to have more accidents, but I think it depends on the young person. Most are sensible and want to keep their licence!

Of my 2, one is nearly 5 yrs into driving, the other nearly 2. Both drove long’ish distances within first few months without incident. DD joined us on a holiday which was a 4hr drive, through mid Wales and on winding coast roads, within 3 months of passing. She drove back alone, and did same last year, all 4 journeys without incident.

DS drove to and from Anglesey at similar point after his test, again to join us, and drove home with DD in car. A couple of months later he went there with school friends, so same journey (+2hr, mainly motorway/dual carr) with friends in car.

If it's before the wind has dropped, that might be a reason against - and your DH could use that as a way to change his mind but save face.

If you can encourage your son not be a distraction, that might help - I know that the first time I gave someone a lift on a longish journey, I warned her that I would probably want the radio on and no conversation. It might be harder for a youngster to ask, but if your son asks the driver what they prefer, or says "do tell me to shut up if you need to concentrate on the road", it might be easier.

We did long road trips as teenagers and they are some of my best memories. As a mum now myself... eek! I would worry from start to finish.

My 20yo is a more careful & cautious driver than me (age 50+). People aren't just demographic profiles.

If they are going partying, the driver might be very tired the next day.

I don't know his friend very well (only met him briefly once) as he is new since sixth form. No reason to think he's an unsafe driver. He has given DS lifts from school and from his house - 30 mins away.

I think it's just the sheer distance all in one day I have an issue with. I'm not sure if the friend has ever driven this far before, and 4-5 hours of driving in one day can be tiring.
I also know my own son and my older DS has told me that he finds him distracting when he's driving and often has to tell him to be quiet for a while.

The point about the weather is a good one - yes, it may still be raining/windy when they want to go.

I also drove 300 miles to uni on my own when I was 18, so I'm aware I am being somewhat hypocritical, but a) I had no choice and b) roads seemed so much quieter in those days.

DH has since come to tell me that he's now thought about it and actually he accepts that I might have a point... (bugger me... this is a first! )

Anything could happen.

Oh sorry, don't mean to drip feed, but when DS1 was the same age we wouldn't let him do something very similar (too far, not enough driving experience) although DH claimed he had no memory of this!

Can you really refuse someone old enough to drive them self the right to go on a trip?
I personally don’t think it’s your choice.
That aside, someone could be 45 with 2 weeks driving experience. I’d rather be in the car with the 18yo driving!

Agree with others. My dc are 16 & 18, and I trust their driving far more than that of many older, supposedly more experienced drivers. (The 16yr old obviously doesn't drive on roads yet).

Just because mumsnet gives the impression that it's common to still be incompetent on motorways and fast roads after years of driving, let alone being useless at parking, it doesn't mean all young people are equally shit drivers.

I understand your worry as a mother but I don’t think you can really ban this trip. His friend is an adult! However, it’s worth asking DS if he thinks that his friend is a good driver. Some of the teenage boys I took lifts with were fucking nutters and some were good as gold. Your son really needs to be the judge of whether the driver is up to the job.
And tell him to shut up in the car! I have been driving since 1995 but pull the car over if one of my kids decides to holler or screech. It’s dangerous.

YABU, once you have passed your test you are deemed capable of driving on any road for any distance. I did at 18, and I was in cars driven by young people from 16 onwards, trips to the lake district in my bf sports car etc my dad never said a thing about it.

The 16yr old obviously doesn't drive on roads yet)

Some places allow 16 year olds to drive. It’s scary.

Thanks for responses - useful to hear other POVs!

As it happens, the situation has resolved itself as it turns out the other lad’s parents have vetoed it! Apparently he hasn’t driven on a motorway yet and they want him to get some practice with them first before making such a long trip.

Phew! That resolved that!
I see why you'd worry about a long motorway drive, he'll be off to uni or work soon enough though.
Time to have a chat with DS2 about not distracting drivers . He's 17 and I'm really impressed he listens to you and asked you.